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576 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1999
“Well, he thought, so this is diplomacy. It's lying, only for a better class of people.”
"It was funny how people were people everywhere you went, even if the people concerned weren’t the people the people who made up the phrase 'people are people everywhere' had traditionally thought of as people."
"After a bit of work wi' yon scissors, ye won't find a better mackintosh in the whole city"
'"Do you think I'm proud of this? I've got a brother who's a sheepdog!"
"A champion sheepdog," said Carrot earnestly. [...]
"You actually mean that, don't you? You really do. And if you'd met him it wouldn't worry you, would it. To you everyone's a person. I have to sleep in a dog basket seven nights a month and that doesn't worry you either, does it?"'
‘That’s hundreds of miles away! And dog miles is seven times longer! Not a chance!’
‘Oh? All right, then. Silly of me to suggest it,’ said Carrot, letting go. ‘You’re right. It’s ridiculous.’
Gaspode turned, suddenly full of suspicion. ‘No, I didn’t say it was ridiculous,’ he said. ‘I just said it was hundreds of miles away…’
‘Yes, but you said you had no chance.’
‘No, I said that you had no chance of getting me to do it.’
‘Afternoon, sergeant-‘
‘That’s captain,’ said Captain Colon. ‘See the pip on my shoulder, Reg?’
Reg looked closely. ‘I thought it was bird doings, Sarge.’
‘That’s captain,’ said Colon automatically. ‘It’s only chalk now because I ain’t got time to get it done properly,’ he said. ‘So don’t be cheeky.’
‘Oh, she was a very… unusual lady but, alas, rather older than me,’ said Vetinari. ‘Much older, I have to say. But it was a long time ago. Life teaches us its small lessons and we move on.’ There was that distant look again.