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Breathing #1
Reason to Breathe
Goodreads Choice Award
Nominee for Best Young Adult Fiction (2011)"No one tried to get involved with me, and I kept to myself. This was the place where everything was supposed to be safe and easy. How could Evan Mathews unravel my constant universe in just one day?"
In the affluent town of Weslyn, Connecticut, where most people worry about what to be seen in and who to be seen with, Emma Thomas would rather not be seen at all. She’s more concerned with feigning perfection while pulling down her sleeves to conceal the bruises - not wanting anyone to know how far from perfect her life truly is. Without expecting it, she finds love. It challenges her to recognize her own worth - but at the risk of revealing the terrible secret she’s desperate to hide.
Reason to Breathe is an electrifying page turner from start to finish, a unique tale of life-changing love, unspeakable cruelty, and one girl’s fragile grasp of hope.
In the affluent town of Weslyn, Connecticut, where most people worry about what to be seen in and who to be seen with, Emma Thomas would rather not be seen at all. She’s more concerned with feigning perfection while pulling down her sleeves to conceal the bruises - not wanting anyone to know how far from perfect her life truly is. Without expecting it, she finds love. It challenges her to recognize her own worth - but at the risk of revealing the terrible secret she’s desperate to hide.
Reason to Breathe is an electrifying page turner from start to finish, a unique tale of life-changing love, unspeakable cruelty, and one girl’s fragile grasp of hope.
377 pages, Kindle Edition
First published May 10, 2011
About the author
Rebecca Donovan
17 books9,394 followersOptimism seeps from every pore of my body. I truly believe that what's supposed to happen... will! In that regard, I don't know how to give up; it's not part of my biological make up.
I'm a passionate (and some would say, overly enthusiastic) person. I learn by doing (and have been burned more times that I'd like to admit), but I will always throw my entire self into whatever I do - fail or succeed.
I think this is evident when I write, leaving nothing behind and spilling it all out on the pages. I give it all to my readers - love it or hate it.
The path I'm on is very often my own, veering off the beaten path at the sight of something more interesting or captivating, getting caught in the vines and thorns in order to experience the beauty and intrigue others often pass by. And I always meet the most interesting people along the way...
I'm a passionate (and some would say, overly enthusiastic) person. I learn by doing (and have been burned more times that I'd like to admit), but I will always throw my entire self into whatever I do - fail or succeed.
I think this is evident when I write, leaving nothing behind and spilling it all out on the pages. I give it all to my readers - love it or hate it.
The path I'm on is very often my own, veering off the beaten path at the sight of something more interesting or captivating, getting caught in the vines and thorns in order to experience the beauty and intrigue others often pass by. And I always meet the most interesting people along the way...
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 6,355 reviews
August 27, 2014
I had problems getting through this book and not because of the subject matter. I really couldn't get behind Emma. This waffling and the whole oh no I can't say anything, yada yada yada bullshit. It just drove me up the wall. Friends that know and don't do anything because Godforbid that a 6 yr old and a 4 yr old aren't living with a psychotic woman.
...
Really?
...
Let me say that again. In this MC's opinion it was a -good- thing that a 6 yr old and a 4 yr old were living with a woman that liked to beat the shit out of kids. *blinks*
Anyways.. I went through it and to be perfectly honest not even halfway through the book it stops being about the home life and abuse there. The book becomes about Emma and Evan and their "relationship" I have never read a MC that lied to themselves or other people more and it annoyed the shit out of me. The flat out stupid choices she would make, the lies, all the drama that -she- brought into her own life that could of ohhhhh so easily been taken care of. And her life is a mess. Well of course it's a fucking mess, you refuse to do anything about what's going on in your life except lie to everyone and yourself, make shitty choices and the dumbasses you've surrounded yourself with have no problem with this. Or if they do have a problem with it then you cut them out of your life.
*Deep calming breath*
Sadly enough the major cliff hanger forced me into the next book, I got around 100 pages in and had to stop because W.T.F. Here she goes again making dumbass decisions and instead of saying hey, this is a stupid decision.. she sticks with it and keeps putting herself through shit, then complaining she's being put through shit. And the relationships. Good. God. Hell, no. Freaky as hell and I'm not reading this. I have laundry to fold, dishes to wash. ANYTHING other then read this. I had to bail. And was happy to do it.
See Emma? This is how you do it. Make a decision (like me deciding to read the second book). Realize that it's a horrible decision (maybe not by beating your head into the wall but the realization comes to you all the same). And you make another decision that will make things better as you are now fully informed. (Oh yeah, I am fully informed and will not be finishing this book. Besides it probably ends with a major cliff hanger too and I'm not doing this again.)
ETA:
In replying to a comment I realized something about this book that I should of had in this review to begin with. The abuse in this story is simply a tool to create an artificial depth so that we might think this story has great meaning and symbolism. No. It was a tool used to create angst because this story is ultimately about the teenage relationship and the abuse in this story is a cheap gimmick to drive up book sales with the massive cliff hanger and the illusion of complexity. It's insulting.
...
Really?
...
Let me say that again. In this MC's opinion it was a -good- thing that a 6 yr old and a 4 yr old were living with a woman that liked to beat the shit out of kids. *blinks*
Anyways.. I went through it and to be perfectly honest not even halfway through the book it stops being about the home life and abuse there. The book becomes about Emma and Evan and their "relationship" I have never read a MC that lied to themselves or other people more and it annoyed the shit out of me. The flat out stupid choices she would make, the lies, all the drama that -she- brought into her own life that could of ohhhhh so easily been taken care of. And her life is a mess. Well of course it's a fucking mess, you refuse to do anything about what's going on in your life except lie to everyone and yourself, make shitty choices and the dumbasses you've surrounded yourself with have no problem with this. Or if they do have a problem with it then you cut them out of your life.
*Deep calming breath*
Sadly enough the major cliff hanger forced me into the next book, I got around 100 pages in and had to stop because W.T.F. Here she goes again making dumbass decisions and instead of saying hey, this is a stupid decision.. she sticks with it and keeps putting herself through shit, then complaining she's being put through shit. And the relationships. Good. God. Hell, no. Freaky as hell and I'm not reading this. I have laundry to fold, dishes to wash. ANYTHING other then read this. I had to bail. And was happy to do it.
See Emma? This is how you do it. Make a decision (like me deciding to read the second book). Realize that it's a horrible decision (maybe not by beating your head into the wall but the realization comes to you all the same). And you make another decision that will make things better as you are now fully informed. (Oh yeah, I am fully informed and will not be finishing this book. Besides it probably ends with a major cliff hanger too and I'm not doing this again.)
ETA:
In replying to a comment I realized something about this book that I should of had in this review to begin with. The abuse in this story is simply a tool to create an artificial depth so that we might think this story has great meaning and symbolism. No. It was a tool used to create angst because this story is ultimately about the teenage relationship and the abuse in this story is a cheap gimmick to drive up book sales with the massive cliff hanger and the illusion of complexity. It's insulting.
July 6, 2011
First off...this should be 4.5 stars!
I started reading this book and literally could not put it down - I HAD to know how it ended, so I was up until 4am devouring every moment. It was a long book and I've read a couple of the deleted scenes and really wouldn't have minded if it was even longer.
We had a chance to really get to know the characters - minor and major characters - they all worked so well together.
There was a plot about 3/4 in the book that frustrated me (not sure if anyone else felt this, probably just me)- I don't want to give anything away - but I understand now why the plot and character were in there and now I realise it added to the character of Emma.
I really did feel as if I knew these characters and cared about them.
My heart was pounding at some bits and I really rallied for Emma - sometimes I would get frustrated with her but I understood why she put up with what she did - she was selfless and her relationship with Evan was just wonderful. The interaction between these two was just beautiful.
The ending!!!!!! Say no more!
I am eagerly awaiting the sequel and know it will be another allnighter when it is available.
Rebecca if you're reading this......hurry and finish that book!!! I can't stand the wait.
Why 4.5 stars and not 5? Drew!
You really need to read this book!
I started reading this book and literally could not put it down - I HAD to know how it ended, so I was up until 4am devouring every moment. It was a long book and I've read a couple of the deleted scenes and really wouldn't have minded if it was even longer.
We had a chance to really get to know the characters - minor and major characters - they all worked so well together.
There was a plot about 3/4 in the book that frustrated me (not sure if anyone else felt this, probably just me)- I don't want to give anything away - but I understand now why the plot and character were in there and now I realise it added to the character of Emma.
I really did feel as if I knew these characters and cared about them.
My heart was pounding at some bits and I really rallied for Emma - sometimes I would get frustrated with her but I understood why she put up with what she did - she was selfless and her relationship with Evan was just wonderful. The interaction between these two was just beautiful.
The ending!!!!!! Say no more!
I am eagerly awaiting the sequel and know it will be another allnighter when it is available.
Rebecca if you're reading this......hurry and finish that book!!! I can't stand the wait.
Why 4.5 stars and not 5? Drew!
You really need to read this book!
April 20, 2018
This book was way too sad and messed up!
Mel 🖤🐾🐺
Mel 🖤🐾🐺
January 6, 2014
I have a hard time understanding why people enjoyed this book. The quality of the writing was very poor. It got a bit better later on, but especially in the sample and the first few chapters of the book, it was just really juvenile and seemed like it had never been edited. I have read so many non-published stories that were of much higher quality and it was a bit of a struggle to connect fully with the characters and what was happening because the writing style itself was so distracting.
Aside from the writing quality, the plot and development of both the characters and story was also lacking. There just didn't seem to be much direction, and the story was kind of all over the place. Emma was being abused, and from there, there wasn't much other direction.
The relationship between Evan and Emma is cute and is probably the only reason I stuck with the story, but that was pretty much all the story had going for it. I think the rave about this story is covers the topic of abuse, which is a touchy, emotional, and relatively still unexplored theme. I can agree with this line of reasoning to some extent: the theme is intriguing. But the execution of it could have been so much better and I just feel like the story itself was hyped up merely because of the topic it addresses rather than the actual quality of the writing and the story itself.
My other problem with the story is that a lot of it just didn't make sense. There wasn't much motive behind Carol's abuse. There seemed to be way too much hatred between the two of them just for the inconvenience of having another mouth to feed. Things would have made a lot more sense if say... Emma turned out to be George's illegitimate child, so Carol hates her.
I tried to like this story but I couldn't. I'm actually not sure why I bothered reading the entirety of it but I think it was because I was just in the mood for not an exceptionally great story.
Aside from the writing quality, the plot and development of both the characters and story was also lacking. There just didn't seem to be much direction, and the story was kind of all over the place. Emma was being abused, and from there, there wasn't much other direction.
The relationship between Evan and Emma is cute and is probably the only reason I stuck with the story, but that was pretty much all the story had going for it. I think the rave about this story is covers the topic of abuse, which is a touchy, emotional, and relatively still unexplored theme. I can agree with this line of reasoning to some extent: the theme is intriguing. But the execution of it could have been so much better and I just feel like the story itself was hyped up merely because of the topic it addresses rather than the actual quality of the writing and the story itself.
My other problem with the story is that a lot of it just didn't make sense. There wasn't much motive behind Carol's abuse. There seemed to be way too much hatred between the two of them just for the inconvenience of having another mouth to feed. Things would have made a lot more sense if say... Emma turned out to be George's illegitimate child, so Carol hates her.
I tried to like this story but I couldn't. I'm actually not sure why I bothered reading the entirety of it but I think it was because I was just in the mood for not an exceptionally great story.
July 9, 2013
Seven Disney movies later…
Well.
I’m slightly more of an alcoholic today than I was two days ago.
Well played, Rebecca Donovan… well played.
WHAT I LOVED ABOUT THIS BOOK:
-♥- The story -♥-
So beautiful and very subtly powerful, “Reason to Breathe” is about Emma, a high school girl with a home life that would make Vernon and Petunia Dursley (Harry Potter’s aunt and uncle) seem warm and fuzzy. This isn’t the kind of story that gives you butterflies, guys… this is a story that’s going to make your nerves bleed a little and it’s going to make your eyelashes sparkle.
-♥- Emma -♥-
Wow. What a great heroine! Instead of an alarm clock, she has an aunt with a leather belt who’s more than willing to wake her up in the morning.
And all Emma wants is to be unnoticed. Because if she’s unnoticed, then no one can ask her about chronic bruises on her arm, the marks on her back, the burns on her hands, or the reason why she sometimes walks with a slight limp.
♦I survived by keeping my emotions in check – by maintaining my composure and tucking it all away. I managed to stay under the radar, skating through school without anyone truly remembering I was here. I was easily forgettable.
That’s what I counted on.♦
So when, Evan, the knew boy at school takes notice of Emma… well, that’s when things get really interesting!
-♥- Evan -♥-
Fuck. I loved Evan! He’s the boy who Emma didn’t want to fall in love with… but she did anyway. Because he DOES notice her, and he DOES push her boundaries.
Their story begins when he contradicts her in the classroom, and for some reason, this gets Emma SO angry. And I mean, Emma is a girl who never gets angry because she’s just so numb already. So when this boy gets her to raise her hackles a bit, Emma’s slightly confused because he gets under her skin. And no one gets under her skin.
And slowly but surely, as the story evolves… we see these two characters begin to fall in love with each other.
It doesn’t matter how hard Emma pushes Evan away-- because she’s so afraid he’s going to figure out her secrets--Evan always comes back.
However… Evan doesn’t realize that the more Emma falls in love with him…
--the more it costs her in the end.--
September 26, 2011
Rating: ★☆☆☆☆
I really didn’t like this book, and I wish I hadn’t bought it. The premise itself I had no problem with – a girl struggling with abuse and falling in love – but everyone was so one-dimensional!
The main character (I don’t even remember her name, she was that uninteresting) was forced to live with her aunt and uncle because her dad had died and her mom was unable to care for her. The entire book focuses on her waffling around about 1-whether or not she should pursue the love interest and 2-if she should report her abusive family. Oh, and apparently all the guys love her for some reasons unexplained to me.
The best friend likes boys and dressing up the main character in pink sweaters, and gets marginally upset about the abuse once in a while. That’s it.
The story itself was too long and drawn out, especially for the pathetic non-ending, and honestly just started to bore me to death. I cry over lots of books, but this one really didn’t have any effect on me. The only feeling the book evoked from me was “Whatever, who cares.” The narrator herself doesn’t have any reaction to any events she experiences. I’ll admit the author did a good job on the abuse scenes – I was furious on her behalf (but the narrator herself didn’t seem to feel it at all). The only reason I kept reading was to see if she could eventually overcome the abuse and hopefully get her life in order. But wow, she must channel her pent-up emotions into a love for decor, because she spends a RIDICULOUS amount of time describing houses. Everybody is rich and fabulous, the best friend has a three-story house and I apparently needed to know the amount of spiral staircases or whatever. I was disappointed that she spent so much time talking about the scenery when I couldn’t even conjure up an image of the main girl in my head.
I definitely wouldn’t recommend this or read it again.
I really didn’t like this book, and I wish I hadn’t bought it. The premise itself I had no problem with – a girl struggling with abuse and falling in love – but everyone was so one-dimensional!
The main character (I don’t even remember her name, she was that uninteresting) was forced to live with her aunt and uncle because her dad had died and her mom was unable to care for her. The entire book focuses on her waffling around about 1-whether or not she should pursue the love interest and 2-if she should report her abusive family. Oh, and apparently all the guys love her for some reasons unexplained to me.
The best friend likes boys and dressing up the main character in pink sweaters, and gets marginally upset about the abuse once in a while. That’s it.
The story itself was too long and drawn out, especially for the pathetic non-ending, and honestly just started to bore me to death. I cry over lots of books, but this one really didn’t have any effect on me. The only feeling the book evoked from me was “Whatever, who cares.” The narrator herself doesn’t have any reaction to any events she experiences. I’ll admit the author did a good job on the abuse scenes – I was furious on her behalf (but the narrator herself didn’t seem to feel it at all). The only reason I kept reading was to see if she could eventually overcome the abuse and hopefully get her life in order. But wow, she must channel her pent-up emotions into a love for decor, because she spends a RIDICULOUS amount of time describing houses. Everybody is rich and fabulous, the best friend has a three-story house and I apparently needed to know the amount of spiral staircases or whatever. I was disappointed that she spent so much time talking about the scenery when I couldn’t even conjure up an image of the main girl in my head.
I definitely wouldn’t recommend this or read it again.
July 6, 2013
4.5 stars
This is the story of a girl holding on to a fragile thread of hope and a love that that brought a ray of light into her world of unspeakable cruelty. It was heart wrenching, gripping and I absolutely could not put it down!
I'd been waiting to read this book for what felt like forever. This was actually one of the first series I heard about when I first started reading contemporary romance. Everyone kept telling me how amazing they were and I had a feeling I'd love them but I also knew about the brutal cliffhangers so I decided to tough it out and wait 'til I could read all three books back-to-back. So, the moment the final book was released, I was all over it.
I'd been warned to read this book with tissues and Xanax. I knew to expect painful. I knew to expect intense. But wow, the sheer cruelty in this book was just gut wrenching.
From the very beginning, you can feel how trapped Emma is. With her parents no longer in the picture, she was sent to live with her aunt, uncle and two little cousins. Her aunt was cold-hearted and brutally abusive in every way - physically, verbally, and emotionally. Emma's main goal was just to keep her head down, stay invisible, and get good marks in school while she counted down the days 'til she could escape to college - away from the hurt, abuse and brutality. She was smart, kind-hearted, and hard working. You couldn't help but desperately with she could escape.
Enter Evan Mathews. Confident, gorgeous and new at school - something about him managed to unravel her... bringing her out of her shell. He had this way about him that was hard to ignore, he saw into her, was direct about his thoughts, and utterly determined to get to know her better. And, despite her better judgment, she carefully decided to let him in despite knowing the repercussions if they were ever found out.
What was with this guy? First I didn't notice him for almost a week, and now I could avoid him... Why wasn't I invisible to him like I was to everyone else?
"No one tried to get involved with me, and I kept to myself. This was the place where everything was supposed to be safe and easy. How could Evan Mathews unravel my constant universe in just one day?"
Her home life was brutal. I need to stress how much of a monster her aunt was. She might actually be one of the most purely evil characters I have ever read. The horrible things she said and the horrific things she did just appalled and sickened me. And her uncle just stood by and willfully ignored it despite knowing what was going on. Between the two of them, they personified "the bully and the bystander". Equally bad, equally hurtful, equally cruel.. because having the power to stop cruelty and choosing not to is really no different from delivering it yourself.
I think the worst part was how her aunt's cruelty was directed solely at her. She was a good mother to her own children and while Emma knew that all she had to do to end her suffering was make one phone call, or walk into the school's psych department and utter one sentence, she also knew it would rip apart that family and take away her little cousins' mother and she was too good of a person to do that so she bore the pain, cruelty and abuse and lived in hell so that they could continue a normal life.
"I don't want to be angry. I don't want to let her get to me. I'm not okay with this," I said pointing to my head, "but what choice do I have? I'll deal with it. So please don't cry."
The unfairness of it all was just so poignant. It was literally just random acts of cruelty for no other reason that one woman's hatred of another human being. Pure evil.
I think every person is different. I'm not sure I personally agreed with Emma's rationalization for why she stayed but at the same time I certainly could understand and sympathize with it. The truth is what she did was incredibly brave and selfless. Too brave, too selfless perhaps... but still worthy of being recognized for what it was.
But please don't think this book is all pain and sadness. Evan was just this wonderful ray of light in her life. There was no insta-love here, but rather a quiet, slow-building love that had me smiling despite how horrible her situation was. Evan was just perfect. A gorgeous, kind hearted, endearing guy who so clearly thought the world of Emma. I couldn't help but hope that they could find a way to be together.
"That's what was bothering so much about Evan Mathews. He knew I existed. He was determined to pull me out of the shadows, and I couldn't get away from him. He wasn't deterred by my one word answers or abrupt responses. He wasn't supposed to be paying attention to me, and I was trying, without success, to ignore him. But he was getting to me, and I think he knew it."
There was this constant push and pull between them. Emma was terrified to start anything with him because of her need to keep her home life a secret but he was just so completely into her and willing to not push her to reveal more than she was willing to. He was patient, persistent, charming and into her enough to let her set the pace and rules for their relationship - almost as if he could sense that there was a reason for the distance she kept placing between them.
"I don't know how to fit you in my world without hurting you too." The truth in my words revealed more than he'd ever know.
"Don't worry about hurting me," he said calmly. "I like being a part of your world, and I understand that its more complicated than you're willing to share with me. But I'll respect that for now."
But he didn't stop trying to figure her out. My heart was so happy for the little moments of joy they found but at the same time it was filled with dread because I knew that it would inevitably get worse before it got better.
"We were engaged in a very intimate dance of touching without touching, knowing without saying, and feeling without expressing. We were friends walking a ledge, a very thin ledge - and I was too caught up in my heightened awareness of his existence to realize how close the ledge was to crumbling beneath my feet."
I went through some frustration part way through the book with Drew. Why could she let him in but not Evan? I mean, I understood - she didn't care about him in the same way so it didn't matter but it still hurt. A lot. I hated him on principle and I hated seeing his name on the page. And when that whole issues was resolved, I just breathed this huge sigh of relief and was so happy to see how they actually talked through their issues so functionally. It definitely made me forgive and forget the heartache.
"I knew in that moment, I would never love anyone in my life the way I loved Evan Mathews."
I really can't tell you how much I loved Evan. Everything about him... they way he understood without needing to be told, the way he kept coming back for her, the way he would always find a way to bring some happiness into her life... I just really loved him.
"Even if you won't, or can't, tell me - I know. I do have to tell you that I can't ever sit in a hospital waiting room again."
"I fell -" I tried to explain.
"Don't," Evan urged. "I know. Without you or Sara telling me, I know. So, even if you can't tell me the truth, don't lie. Don't defend them like it's okay. Because it's not. I won't let them do that to you again."
I knew there was a giant cliffhanger at the end as I got closer and closer to the end of the book, the dread and anticipation built... they were so happy, so close to a shot at real permanent happiness and when it hit... ho boy! My heart was in my throat!!! It was brutal. And I am so beyond grateful that I have the next two book sitting here ready to go because there is absolutely no way I'm stopping now. I need to know what happens next!
You should also know that while some of the scenes are definitely not easy to read but you should know that they not overly graphic. It's not that kind of book.
I love Rebecca Donovan's writing style. The descriptions and flow of the story just suck you right in. Despite the book being over 450 pages, I read it in one sitting and was unable to put it down. It's the kind of story that makes you care deeply about the characters and just *need* to know what happens next.
Tammara Webber's quote on the cover couldn't have said it better:
"When hope is a fragile thread, love is a miracle."
4.5 stars
CASTING (see above and below)
USA Today Bestselling Novel
In the affluent town of Weslyn, Connecticut, where most people worry about what to be seen in and who to be seen with, Emma Thomas would rather not be seen at all. She’s more concerned with feigning perfection—pulling down her sleeves to conceal the bruises, not wanting anyone to know how far from perfect her life truly is. Without expecting it, she finds love. It challenges her to recognize her own worth―at the risk of revealing the terrible secret she’s desperate to hide.
One girl’s story of life-changing love, unspeakable cruelty, and her precarious grasp of hope: Reason to Breathe is the first installment of the acclaimed Breathing Series.
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September 29, 2022
Emma ist 16 und lebt bei ihrem Onkel George und ihrer Tante Carol, von der Emma regelmäßig sowohl psychisch als auch physisch misshandelt wird. Emma hat sich geschworen, bis zum College durchzuhalten und über die Schläge ihrer Tante zu schweigen. Ihre einzige Vertraute ist ihre Freundin Sara. Doch dann tritt Evan in ihr Leben, für den sie bald Gefühle entwickelt.
*
Mein Leseeindruck:
Dieses Buch zu beurteilen, fällt mir unglaublich schwer. Natürlich ist erst einmal die Geschichte bzw. die Thematik "Häusliche Gewalt" keine leichte Kost. Und so geht es wirklich ans Herz, wenn man liest, was Emma hier alles auszuhalten hat.
Schön zu lesen war dagegen, wie sich die Gefühle von Emma und Evan füreinander entwickeln.
Große Probleme hatte ich aber immer wieder damit, die Handlungen und Gedanken der Protagonisten nachzuvollziehen. Es ist mir einfach unbegreiflich, dass niemand etwas gemerkt haben will, zumal Emma sportlich sehr aktiv ist, d.h. sie muss immer wieder unter Schmerzen Sport machen und trägt bestimmt auch kurze Hosen und Shirts beim Training.
Aber auch Emmas Gedanken und Handlungen habe ich oft nicht verstanden. Ich kann nicht zu viel darüber schreiben, sonst würde ich zu viel verraten. Aber für mich passte es einfach oftmals nicht, was sie getan oder gesagt hat.
Und trotzdem - das ist das Merkwürdige - habe ich das Buch sehr gerne gelesen. Manchmal hat es mich auch einfach wütend gemacht, dann wieder hat mich die Geschichte sehr berührt. Es war wirklich wie eine kleine Achterbahnfahrt. Auf die Fortsetzung bin ich auf jeden Fall gespannt, denn ich möchte schon gerne wissen, wie es mit Emma und Evan weitergehen wird!
*
Mein Leseeindruck:
Dieses Buch zu beurteilen, fällt mir unglaublich schwer. Natürlich ist erst einmal die Geschichte bzw. die Thematik "Häusliche Gewalt" keine leichte Kost. Und so geht es wirklich ans Herz, wenn man liest, was Emma hier alles auszuhalten hat.
Schön zu lesen war dagegen, wie sich die Gefühle von Emma und Evan füreinander entwickeln.
Große Probleme hatte ich aber immer wieder damit, die Handlungen und Gedanken der Protagonisten nachzuvollziehen. Es ist mir einfach unbegreiflich, dass niemand etwas gemerkt haben will, zumal Emma sportlich sehr aktiv ist, d.h. sie muss immer wieder unter Schmerzen Sport machen und trägt bestimmt auch kurze Hosen und Shirts beim Training.
Aber auch Emmas Gedanken und Handlungen habe ich oft nicht verstanden. Ich kann nicht zu viel darüber schreiben, sonst würde ich zu viel verraten. Aber für mich passte es einfach oftmals nicht, was sie getan oder gesagt hat.
Und trotzdem - das ist das Merkwürdige - habe ich das Buch sehr gerne gelesen. Manchmal hat es mich auch einfach wütend gemacht, dann wieder hat mich die Geschichte sehr berührt. Es war wirklich wie eine kleine Achterbahnfahrt. Auf die Fortsetzung bin ich auf jeden Fall gespannt, denn ich möchte schon gerne wissen, wie es mit Emma und Evan weitergehen wird!
August 10, 2016
Oh!My!God....I HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE, HATE that bitch Carol.I swear I felt like killing her throughout the novel.
And George...Lord I have rarely seen such a weak,lily-livered person.A swift kick would have done the job.
This is what I really want to say to Em'sso called MOM---
You are a grade-A b**ch
And EVAN (though he did some really stupid things) was just perfect for Emily.I loved Sara,that is how best friends are supposed to be.I also admired Emily's spirit of survival.
And George...Lord I have rarely seen such a weak,lily-livered person.A swift kick would have done the job.
This is what I really want to say to Em's
You are a grade-A b**ch
And EVAN (though he did some really stupid things) was just perfect for Emily.I loved Sara,that is how best friends are supposed to be.I also admired Emily's spirit of survival.
May 2, 2021
Consciência a quanto Obrigas
Um simples telefonema... uma simples denúncia verbal ou escrita, é quanto basta para pôr fim ao sofrimento de Emma, uma adolescente que foi largada em casa dos tios por uma mãe alcoólica incapaz.
Porém, o que em teoria parece simples, na prática nem sempre resulta!
Carol, a tia psicótica de Emma que faz tudo o que pode e sabe para lhe atormentar a vida, é dotada duma outra faceta: é uma mãe dedicada. Logo... denunciar Carol... significaria privar os seus adoráveis primos dos diligentes cuidados da mãe; e o doce Jack e a amorosa Leyla são dois raios de sol na vida de Emma. Prejudicá-los...NUNCA! Por eles daria a vida, se tal se afigurasse!...
E é assim que Emma escolhe o Inferno! Escolhe o Inferno porque a consciência assim lho dita!!!☹️
🌟🌟🌟🌟
Um simples telefonema... uma simples denúncia verbal ou escrita, é quanto basta para pôr fim ao sofrimento de Emma, uma adolescente que foi largada em casa dos tios por uma mãe alcoólica incapaz.
Porém, o que em teoria parece simples, na prática nem sempre resulta!
Carol, a tia psicótica de Emma que faz tudo o que pode e sabe para lhe atormentar a vida, é dotada duma outra faceta: é uma mãe dedicada. Logo... denunciar Carol... significaria privar os seus adoráveis primos dos diligentes cuidados da mãe; e o doce Jack e a amorosa Leyla são dois raios de sol na vida de Emma. Prejudicá-los...NUNCA! Por eles daria a vida, se tal se afigurasse!...
E é assim que Emma escolhe o Inferno! Escolhe o Inferno porque a consciência assim lho dita!!!☹️
🌟🌟🌟🌟
June 19, 2012
4.75 Stars
I am one hot mess right now. One. Hot. Freaking. Mess. I seriously felt like I took a punch in the gut. I was so emotionally absorbed in this story; I barely had enough time to catch my breath when it just abruptly ended. WTF just happened?
I’m not a huge fan of any story that doesn’t have a HEA. I knew going into this, that this was not going to end well, but I decided to pick it up anyway. However, I did purposely wait for Barely Breathing (Book #2) to come out before reading this. This put me and my fragile emotions through the wringer. I love stories that evoke all your feelings. This story had my heart aching, had me crying and even had me feeling like I was on cloud nine. Everything that makes us feel alive, this had it. I loved feeling like that and when it abruptly ended, I didn’t care that it didn’t end happy, I just cared that I felt so much. Does that make any sense?
Emma, Emma, Emma. You are one brave girl. Everything that happened to you in this story, I felt it. I felt the fear, the anxiety, the pain, and the heartache. But most of all, I felt your happiness because it didn’t come often. You deserved everything good that came your way. You deserved having an awesome best friend in Sara, and you definitely deserve your happiness with the very sweet, loving, and extremely persistent, Evan.
Evan has now become one of my favorite book boyfriends. I freaking LOVE him. Even after Emma consistently tells him she just wants to be friends, he never gave up just being there for her. Ultimately, he wins the girl. Thank God! It seemed like it took forever, but man, it made it a hundred times sweeter.
Fair warning to those considering reading this: Yes, this story has teenage characters, but it’s far from your usual YA. This book deals with abuse and the author does not hold back any punches. Emma’s aunt is beyond cruel. She’s a terrible person, with serious mental issues, and some of the scenes were extremely disturbing and very cringe-worthy. I couldn’t fathom going through all that. It was insane. The story was achingly good and extremely well written. Highly recommend for those looking for an emotional read.
I am one hot mess right now. One. Hot. Freaking. Mess. I seriously felt like I took a punch in the gut. I was so emotionally absorbed in this story; I barely had enough time to catch my breath when it just abruptly ended. WTF just happened?
I’m not a huge fan of any story that doesn’t have a HEA. I knew going into this, that this was not going to end well, but I decided to pick it up anyway. However, I did purposely wait for Barely Breathing (Book #2) to come out before reading this. This put me and my fragile emotions through the wringer. I love stories that evoke all your feelings. This story had my heart aching, had me crying and even had me feeling like I was on cloud nine. Everything that makes us feel alive, this had it. I loved feeling like that and when it abruptly ended, I didn’t care that it didn’t end happy, I just cared that I felt so much. Does that make any sense?
Emma, Emma, Emma. You are one brave girl. Everything that happened to you in this story, I felt it. I felt the fear, the anxiety, the pain, and the heartache. But most of all, I felt your happiness because it didn’t come often. You deserved everything good that came your way. You deserved having an awesome best friend in Sara, and you definitely deserve your happiness with the very sweet, loving, and extremely persistent, Evan.
Evan has now become one of my favorite book boyfriends. I freaking LOVE him. Even after Emma consistently tells him she just wants to be friends, he never gave up just being there for her. Ultimately, he wins the girl. Thank God! It seemed like it took forever, but man, it made it a hundred times sweeter.
Fair warning to those considering reading this: Yes, this story has teenage characters, but it’s far from your usual YA. This book deals with abuse and the author does not hold back any punches. Emma’s aunt is beyond cruel. She’s a terrible person, with serious mental issues, and some of the scenes were extremely disturbing and very cringe-worthy. I couldn’t fathom going through all that. It was insane. The story was achingly good and extremely well written. Highly recommend for those looking for an emotional read.
September 21, 2022
The Power of Consciousness
A simple phone call would put an instant end to Emma’s suffering. A word from her to the right authorities, and her ruthless, vicious aunt... would be out of her life forever!
However what seems to be so simple in the thoughts domain, it’s not usually that easy in the practical terrain!
Because human souls tend to be black and white, it happens that her brutally abusive aunty was also a devoting mother. And... 6 years old Jack and 4 years old Leyla meant the world to Emma. Therefore, she denied herself the privilege of that life saving call, or else, her sweet lil cousins would grow up without a mother!
Emma had the whole package: she was a fine athlete, a magnificent student, and, on top of that... she was just 16! She had all it takes for a long happy life but... instead... she has been doomed to Hell by the ruthless judge of all — Consciousness!
A simple phone call would put an instant end to Emma’s suffering. A word from her to the right authorities, and her ruthless, vicious aunt... would be out of her life forever!
However what seems to be so simple in the thoughts domain, it’s not usually that easy in the practical terrain!
Because human souls tend to be black and white, it happens that her brutally abusive aunty was also a devoting mother. And... 6 years old Jack and 4 years old Leyla meant the world to Emma. Therefore, she denied herself the privilege of that life saving call, or else, her sweet lil cousins would grow up without a mother!
Emma had the whole package: she was a fine athlete, a magnificent student, and, on top of that... she was just 16! She had all it takes for a long happy life but... instead... she has been doomed to Hell by the ruthless judge of all — Consciousness!
May 19, 2012
This book sat in my recommendations for a long time, so I was looking forward to starting it. Unfortunately, I couldn't get more than 10% through without giving up.
Emma, the main character, is obviously in a very abusive situation at home with her aunt. I don't have Emma's experience exactly, and I would never assume anything about anyone else, but I can't imagine letting an aunt that didn't raise me and I don't care about beat on me for no reason over and over again and just taking it, as a 17 year old. I couldn't get past the fact that Emma never fights back. According to some of the other reviews I've read, I guess this is out of some effort to protect her cousins? You are not protecting anyone by allowing them to live with a crazy person. If Emma had lived with her aunt/the abuse her whole life, I could understand that maybe her spirit would be so beaten down that she'd think it was acceptable, but she hasn't.
Also, as many reviewers have noted, her rich, daughter-of-a-judge best friend never tells her parents? That's another part that doesn't make any sense to me. I try to think about my best friend revealing this to me as a junior in high school and what I would do...and I can't imagine staying quiet.
I couldn't get past that those things, and I don't like to read sad books just for the sake of being sad, so I had to put it down.
Emma, the main character, is obviously in a very abusive situation at home with her aunt. I don't have Emma's experience exactly, and I would never assume anything about anyone else, but I can't imagine letting an aunt that didn't raise me and I don't care about beat on me for no reason over and over again and just taking it, as a 17 year old. I couldn't get past the fact that Emma never fights back. According to some of the other reviews I've read, I guess this is out of some effort to protect her cousins? You are not protecting anyone by allowing them to live with a crazy person. If Emma had lived with her aunt/the abuse her whole life, I could understand that maybe her spirit would be so beaten down that she'd think it was acceptable, but she hasn't.
Also, as many reviewers have noted, her rich, daughter-of-a-judge best friend never tells her parents? That's another part that doesn't make any sense to me. I try to think about my best friend revealing this to me as a junior in high school and what I would do...and I can't imagine staying quiet.
I couldn't get past that those things, and I don't like to read sad books just for the sake of being sad, so I had to put it down.
May 14, 2024
4.5 ✨
Ｂｏｏｋ ｓｕｍｍｅｒｙ
This book follows the life of sixteen-year-old Emma Thompson, who lives with her aunt and uncle in Weslyn, Connecticut. After the death of Emma's father (her uncle's brother) and the distance of her alcoholic mother, Emma's aunt, Carol, is an abusive woman who beats Emma continuously. George ignores the problem and is more concerned about Emma keeping her mouth shut about what goes on at home. At school, Emma meets a new boy named Evan Mathews, who takes an interest in her and ultimately falls in love with her. Emma ends up falling in love with him as well.
Ｍｙ ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔｓ
I just needed something sad... something that would make my eyes red like I'm high, scream, make me run outside and bury myself in mud, throw myself into traffic, go back inside and bang my head against the door slowly sliding down it with the book clutched to my chest, while "I Hate Myself and Wanna Die" blasted in the background. the first 230 pages and last pages of the drug the author put in this shit made me do that. my neighbors think I'm demon possessed and well I don't blame them🥲.
I felt so bad for Emma no child should ever go through what she went through I just want to be a mother right now and shower her with my love and carve her name on my chest. her relationship with Evans was cute and adorable it had my heart fluttering at times. I loved seeing their love grow, they brought out the best in each other and I could just feel the chemistry between them Their relationship began in a world of pain, but they found joy and laughter among the darkness. the slow burn was definitely burning. you should have seen the way my ass was vibrating and burning on the couch ;buttcheeks were clenching in pain of pleasure. 😫
The reason why it not 5 stars is because Emma doesn't even get a happy ending 😭 after all the suffering she endured. The next three hundred pages simply went on forever, and Emma made some poor choices that she could have solved much more quickly, which made the plot seem a little too complex. I hated the fact that her friends remained silent and did not speak up . silence in the face of abuse shouldn't be glorified
Carol and George when I catch you, I will slit your throats😤
please check trigger warnings if you need to. there are some sensitive things that may not be suitable for all readers
Ｂｏｏｋ ｓｕｍｍｅｒｙ
This book follows the life of sixteen-year-old Emma Thompson, who lives with her aunt and uncle in Weslyn, Connecticut. After the death of Emma's father (her uncle's brother) and the distance of her alcoholic mother, Emma's aunt, Carol, is an abusive woman who beats Emma continuously. George ignores the problem and is more concerned about Emma keeping her mouth shut about what goes on at home. At school, Emma meets a new boy named Evan Mathews, who takes an interest in her and ultimately falls in love with her. Emma ends up falling in love with him as well.
Ｍｙ ｔｈｏｕｇｈｔｓ
I just needed something sad... something that would make my eyes red like I'm high, scream, make me run outside and bury myself in mud, throw myself into traffic, go back inside and bang my head against the door slowly sliding down it with the book clutched to my chest, while "I Hate Myself and Wanna Die" blasted in the background. the first 230 pages and last pages of the drug the author put in this shit made me do that. my neighbors think I'm demon possessed and well I don't blame them🥲.
I felt so bad for Emma no child should ever go through what she went through I just want to be a mother right now and shower her with my love and carve her name on my chest. her relationship with Evans was cute and adorable it had my heart fluttering at times. I loved seeing their love grow, they brought out the best in each other and I could just feel the chemistry between them Their relationship began in a world of pain, but they found joy and laughter among the darkness. the slow burn was definitely burning. you should have seen the way my ass was vibrating and burning on the couch ;buttcheeks were clenching in pain of pleasure. 😫
The reason why it not 5 stars is because Emma doesn't even get a happy ending 😭 after all the suffering she endured. The next three hundred pages simply went on forever, and Emma made some poor choices that she could have solved much more quickly, which made the plot seem a little too complex. I hated the fact that her friends remained silent and did not speak up . silence in the face of abuse shouldn't be glorified
Carol and George when I catch you, I will slit your throats😤
please check trigger warnings if you need to. there are some sensitive things that may not be suitable for all readers
December 1, 2011
"No one tried to get involved with me" was a total exaggeration in this book's synopsis, considering Emma had a best friend who was always looking out for her.
Nevertheless, even with the tragic abuse theme in the story, I found Reason to Breathe completely ridiculous and a bit unrealistic.
Here you have a girl who is 'invisible' and wants to blend in, and perhaps I'm turning her into a stereotype but she's too "well-rounded" for an abusee. 4.0 GPA, editor in the school paper who plays three varsity sports, AND has a best friend (who knows what goes on behind closed doors), yet she claims she's all alone. If Emma really was a loner, she shouldn't even have a best bud.
The reaction people have to Emma whenever she speaks up or attends a friggin' party made me roll my eyes because I did not see any 'special' thing about this girl. Schoolmates gasped, gossiped and gaped when she did something as a-m-a-z-i-n-g as look up from her books...it was quite infuriating. I wouldn't have been surprised if they had given her a tiara for breaking wind in public.
Emma was also one of the most frustrating and annoying characters I've ever encountered. An abused girl whose only reason for taking abuse is to protect her abuser's image with her kids? I found that utterly stupid and shady considering the only child old enough to remember what the hell happened to Mommy is not completely clueless about what Mommy does to his cousin. Plus, her abuser almost beat her to death on a regular basis. And for Emma's best friend to not report to the authorities, even when she proclaimed how much she cared about her friend to the point of shedding tears on her behalf? Please. As her BFF, wouldn't you rather she hated you for getting her out of an abusive home rather than "supported" her claims of "I'm fine" when she harbored bruises almost daily?
Emma, had she gone forward sooner with her story, would have had options. One of her friends' father was a judge or something along those lines, and her best friend's parents liked her very much - I'm sure she wouldn't have been dropped off at a group home if she'd spoken up.
At some point, I was convinced that the abuse factor in the book was for exaggerated dramatic effect, for entertainment purposes, rather than to get a message across that domestic abuse is a problem.
If this book was meant to give a real-life abusee hope of getting out of an abusive relationship, the book missed that thoroughly, abuse being tackled poorly and shittily by the author.
Emma was also...too damn unlikeable to even feel sorry for or pledge allegiance to! I'm sorry for her but damn!
I couldn't conjure up an image of this girl, or even create a personality for her...Everyone else around her seemed to have some attributes but her? She was just vacant. Was it that the abuse had turned her into an empty shell of a person, so much so that I couldn't warm to her no matter how hard I tried? I couldn't even understand why Evan was bothering so much with her when she was so snarky and mean all the time. I was just too unsympathetic to her cause, I suppose.
I ended up skipping over the last half of the book, landing on the last page only to discover that Reason to Breathe is part of a series.
Crap.
Nevertheless, even with the tragic abuse theme in the story, I found Reason to Breathe completely ridiculous and a bit unrealistic.
Here you have a girl who is 'invisible' and wants to blend in, and perhaps I'm turning her into a stereotype but she's too "well-rounded" for an abusee. 4.0 GPA, editor in the school paper who plays three varsity sports, AND has a best friend (who knows what goes on behind closed doors), yet she claims she's all alone. If Emma really was a loner, she shouldn't even have a best bud.
The reaction people have to Emma whenever she speaks up or attends a friggin' party made me roll my eyes because I did not see any 'special' thing about this girl. Schoolmates gasped, gossiped and gaped when she did something as a-m-a-z-i-n-g as look up from her books...it was quite infuriating. I wouldn't have been surprised if they had given her a tiara for breaking wind in public.
Emma was also one of the most frustrating and annoying characters I've ever encountered. An abused girl whose only reason for taking abuse is to protect her abuser's image with her kids? I found that utterly stupid and shady considering the only child old enough to remember what the hell happened to Mommy is not completely clueless about what Mommy does to his cousin. Plus, her abuser almost beat her to death on a regular basis. And for Emma's best friend to not report to the authorities, even when she proclaimed how much she cared about her friend to the point of shedding tears on her behalf? Please. As her BFF, wouldn't you rather she hated you for getting her out of an abusive home rather than "supported" her claims of "I'm fine" when she harbored bruises almost daily?
Emma, had she gone forward sooner with her story, would have had options. One of her friends' father was a judge or something along those lines, and her best friend's parents liked her very much - I'm sure she wouldn't have been dropped off at a group home if she'd spoken up.
At some point, I was convinced that the abuse factor in the book was for exaggerated dramatic effect, for entertainment purposes, rather than to get a message across that domestic abuse is a problem.
If this book was meant to give a real-life abusee hope of getting out of an abusive relationship, the book missed that thoroughly, abuse being tackled poorly and shittily by the author.
Emma was also...too damn unlikeable to even feel sorry for or pledge allegiance to! I'm sorry for her but damn!
I couldn't conjure up an image of this girl, or even create a personality for her...Everyone else around her seemed to have some attributes but her? She was just vacant. Was it that the abuse had turned her into an empty shell of a person, so much so that I couldn't warm to her no matter how hard I tried? I couldn't even understand why Evan was bothering so much with her when she was so snarky and mean all the time. I was just too unsympathetic to her cause, I suppose.
I ended up skipping over the last half of the book, landing on the last page only to discover that Reason to Breathe is part of a series.
Crap.
July 2, 2013
QUICK REVIEW -Spoiler Free
4STARS
Genre: YA- Romance
- 'In the balance of Love and loss, it was love that made me struggle to... Breathe.
-Book Quote
I am really at a loss for words with this book.... I found myself breathless at certain points in this book finding my own feelings jumbled in a mass of pain held in my chest.
Reason to Breathe is about a young girl named Emily(Emma). She is a good student at Weslyn High earning straight A's,she is the editor for the Weslyn school paper and plays soccer,basketball and runs track for her school as well. Emma excels at soccer which she hopes to get a scholarship for. Her father is deceased and her mother gave her up because she is ill from the sickness we know as alcoholism.
Emma has been living with her Uncle his wife and their 2 young kids for 4 yrs. She is counting down the day til she leaves knowing they are too. Emma's Best friend is Sara a tall pretty red head. In school Emma keeps to herself and only talks to Sara, but a new boy Evan Matthews comes to school and in just one day everything changes.
I do not want to give away the book so i advise you to read it. It's that good. The only thing i will say is that Emma's home life is bad it is filled with hate. Hatred that i spent a good 55% of the book trying to find reasons for, then i realized you can not rationalize or understand hate. We should never have to understand it... Hate is just wrong. PERIOD.
MY CASTING
My Ratings
Characters- Lovable,Raw and Honest
Writing Style- Good, Raw and Honest
Plot/Storyline- Excellent
Overall- A MUST READ
Now go forth and read. Then come tell us about it on Goodreads!
For more reviews got to http://realitybites-letsgetlost.blogs...
4STARS
Genre: YA- Romance
- 'In the balance of Love and loss, it was love that made me struggle to... Breathe.
-Book Quote
I am really at a loss for words with this book.... I found myself breathless at certain points in this book finding my own feelings jumbled in a mass of pain held in my chest.
Reason to Breathe is about a young girl named Emily(Emma). She is a good student at Weslyn High earning straight A's,she is the editor for the Weslyn school paper and plays soccer,basketball and runs track for her school as well. Emma excels at soccer which she hopes to get a scholarship for. Her father is deceased and her mother gave her up because she is ill from the sickness we know as alcoholism.
Emma has been living with her Uncle his wife and their 2 young kids for 4 yrs. She is counting down the day til she leaves knowing they are too. Emma's Best friend is Sara a tall pretty red head. In school Emma keeps to herself and only talks to Sara, but a new boy Evan Matthews comes to school and in just one day everything changes.
I do not want to give away the book so i advise you to read it. It's that good. The only thing i will say is that Emma's home life is bad it is filled with hate. Hatred that i spent a good 55% of the book trying to find reasons for, then i realized you can not rationalize or understand hate. We should never have to understand it... Hate is just wrong. PERIOD.
MY CASTING
My Ratings
Characters- Lovable,Raw and Honest
Writing Style- Good, Raw and Honest
Plot/Storyline- Excellent
Overall- A MUST READ
Now go forth and read. Then come tell us about it on Goodreads!
For more reviews got to http://realitybites-letsgetlost.blogs...
November 26, 2020
I want to love this book to 4 stars. At the end, I am confuse instead of impress. The story of Emma is heart breaking. Her confusion, abandon by her mother, her abuse by her aunt and her growing feeling toward Evan. Miss Donovan putting so much aspect into this book so the audio book is 14 hours long.
However during that 14 hours long, so many aspect that is not necessary nor supporting the grow of the plot. Like the detail description of photography, Emma interaction with Sarah, her BFF. Sarah a secondary character can hold so many power of how Emma character grows. Instead Sarah is hovering the background like someone not important.
I was waiting for Emma to finally break or the climax is revealed. And I wait until I got little bored. Overall the story of the book is promising. The execution involved so many things that not supporting the story.
3 stars
However during that 14 hours long, so many aspect that is not necessary nor supporting the grow of the plot. Like the detail description of photography, Emma interaction with Sarah, her BFF. Sarah a secondary character can hold so many power of how Emma character grows. Instead Sarah is hovering the background like someone not important.
I was waiting for Emma to finally break or the climax is revealed. And I wait until I got little bored. Overall the story of the book is promising. The execution involved so many things that not supporting the story.
3 stars
August 7, 2013
I AM
This book was emotionally draining me. There was moments I wanted to throw my Kindle away, smiled, cried and I am lost for words.
Emma Thomas is a girl who is broken and struggling from evil heartless aunt, she wants to invisible and her only mate is Sara. She tops in her studies and sports.
Evan Matthews comes along and she sees her thru! I love him so much and he is so close to my heart! He is so caring and adorable. I was so touched by his actions ;)
Finally, when he kissed her, I was grinning! That was one sweet moments.
"And, yes, this would be a date, so that we're clear"
"I'm just trying to figure this out. Us"
"Are you having a hard time liking me?"
"Emma, you and I are dating, remember?"
"I love that picture. I think it's because I love the girl in that picture"
I so wanted to claw her heartless aunt..........I am broken. Nobody deserves to be treated in that manner especially when they are in helpless situation.
This book ends in cliffhanger... so I am going bonkers *gladly book two is out*
My Evan
My Emma
This book was emotionally draining me. There was moments I wanted to throw my Kindle away, smiled, cried and I am lost for words.
Emma Thomas is a girl who is broken and struggling from evil heartless aunt, she wants to invisible and her only mate is Sara. She tops in her studies and sports.
Evan Matthews comes along and she sees her thru! I love him so much and he is so close to my heart! He is so caring and adorable. I was so touched by his actions ;)
Finally, when he kissed her, I was grinning! That was one sweet moments.
"And, yes, this would be a date, so that we're clear"
"I'm just trying to figure this out. Us"
"Are you having a hard time liking me?"
"Emma, you and I are dating, remember?"
"I love that picture. I think it's because I love the girl in that picture"
I so wanted to claw her heartless aunt..........I am broken. Nobody deserves to be treated in that manner especially when they are in helpless situation.
This book ends in cliffhanger... so I am going bonkers *gladly book two is out*
My Evan
My Emma
November 16, 2011
3.75 of 5 stars
I hate and love this book. There were parts that totally got me swooning and there were those that made me wanna throw up the book and curse. So here, I'll just enumerate the things I love and hate about this book.
Love:
1. The plot. It was interesting. With all the struggles, abuse and loss I was curious on how Emma would survive everything.
2. Sara. Emma's best friend. I so love her! Even though she's the most popular girl in school I saw how much she cares and loves Emma. They were the opposites but she's been really kind to her and it was genuine. I love that she cried when she saw Emma's bruises, I love her when she dresses Emma and run a make-over, I love her that she's gave Emma a phone just so she could check her out if she's okay. She's a lovely character.
3. Evan. Totally. LOL. Of course I love him! Who would not? He's the kind of guy you would really want to date. The perfect one. Really. Haha. Everything he did was so real and genuine. Absolutely swooning. And definitely...fictional. :/ But still, he's a really wonderful character.
4. Vivien. Evan's mom. I love her because she loves and cares for Emma. LOL. :DD
5. The last part before the ending. It was one of the happiest parts. And Evan's birthdaaayyy~! >:DD
Hate:
1. The story is effin' long. And I think some parts were a little irrelevant.
2. I just don't get why Emma doesn't want to report her aunt and that she needs to protect her cousins and that it would be worse if she did that. Well, at first I understand her. She knows what it feels to not to have a parent and she really love her cousins. But as the abuse grew I totally hate that she keeps on thinking like that. I know she's scared but...ughhh. That was way too much. It was really frustrating.
3. The Drew phase. I was so annoyed at this part, when Emma dated Drew. She dated Drew but before that she cannot date Evan? This phase was a bit long that I start to consider dropping the book. I sort of don't understand the essence.
Hate and Love:
1. Emma. I adore her but sometimes she's just seriously frustrating and annoying. I love her for she cares so much for her love ones. But I hate her for being so selfless. She was a wonderful character but sometimes I don't get her decisions.
2. The ending. It was heartwarming and heart breaking at the same time. I don't know really if I liked how it ended. What I love about the ending was that those few paragraphs of the epilogue was able to contain a great amount of emotion, and well, it was like a sucker punch. I get a bit teary at that part. Those paragraphs was able to cover up what Emma had been feeling throughout the story. However it was still heart breaking and disappointing. If I haven't checked if there's a sequel I would really think Emma died in the ending. I figured out the author wanted the story to be open-ended, to make the reader make their own conclusion. But I think that kind of ending does not fit for a realistic kind of novel. I've read books and watched movies which endings are open-ended, without definite conclusion, but most of it are mystery, paranormal or super naturals. Well, that's what I think. But its a relief to know that there would be a sequel. :))
So all in all, 3.75 of 5 stars for this book. Looking forward for the next book. :))
This review is also posted at Book Overdose
I hate and love this book. There were parts that totally got me swooning and there were those that made me wanna throw up the book and curse. So here, I'll just enumerate the things I love and hate about this book.
Love:
1. The plot. It was interesting. With all the struggles, abuse and loss I was curious on how Emma would survive everything.
2. Sara. Emma's best friend. I so love her! Even though she's the most popular girl in school I saw how much she cares and loves Emma. They were the opposites but she's been really kind to her and it was genuine. I love that she cried when she saw Emma's bruises, I love her when she dresses Emma and run a make-over, I love her that she's gave Emma a phone just so she could check her out if she's okay. She's a lovely character.
3. Evan. Totally. LOL. Of course I love him! Who would not? He's the kind of guy you would really want to date. The perfect one. Really. Haha. Everything he did was so real and genuine. Absolutely swooning. And definitely...fictional. :/ But still, he's a really wonderful character.
4. Vivien. Evan's mom. I love her because she loves and cares for Emma. LOL. :DD
5. The last part before the ending. It was one of the happiest parts. And Evan's birthdaaayyy~! >:DD
Hate:
1. The story is effin' long. And I think some parts were a little irrelevant.
2. I just don't get why Emma doesn't want to report her aunt and that she needs to protect her cousins and that it would be worse if she did that. Well, at first I understand her. She knows what it feels to not to have a parent and she really love her cousins. But as the abuse grew I totally hate that she keeps on thinking like that. I know she's scared but...ughhh. That was way too much. It was really frustrating.
3. The Drew phase. I was so annoyed at this part, when Emma dated Drew. She dated Drew but before that she cannot date Evan? This phase was a bit long that I start to consider dropping the book. I sort of don't understand the essence.
Hate and Love:
1. Emma. I adore her but sometimes she's just seriously frustrating and annoying. I love her for she cares so much for her love ones. But I hate her for being so selfless. She was a wonderful character but sometimes I don't get her decisions.
2. The ending. It was heartwarming and heart breaking at the same time. I don't know really if I liked how it ended. What I love about the ending was that those few paragraphs of the epilogue was able to contain a great amount of emotion, and well, it was like a sucker punch. I get a bit teary at that part. Those paragraphs was able to cover up what Emma had been feeling throughout the story. However it was still heart breaking and disappointing. If I haven't checked if there's a sequel I would really think Emma died in the ending. I figured out the author wanted the story to be open-ended, to make the reader make their own conclusion. But I think that kind of ending does not fit for a realistic kind of novel. I've read books and watched movies which endings are open-ended, without definite conclusion, but most of it are mystery, paranormal or super naturals. Well, that's what I think. But its a relief to know that there would be a sequel. :))
So all in all, 3.75 of 5 stars for this book. Looking forward for the next book. :))
This review is also posted at Book Overdose
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 19, 2015
5 'Heartbreaking' Stars
What an amazing book.
Emma's father died and her mother is an alcoholic who abandoned her so she has to live with her uncle, aunt, and two cousins. Her auntie(I'm not even sure i should call her that)is a devil . She's really abusive and she hates Emma, she made that pretty clear when she hits her with anything that's within reach.
In school Emma wants nothing but to be invisible. She is. They don't notice her and she doesn't want to be noticed. She walks in a haze. She just blocks everything and everyone out.
When Evan the new kid (he's not really "new" he've been in that school for about a week but she didn't notice him before) announces his topic for the newspaper Emma can't help but get pissed with him. She doesn't like his topic idea and he's the first person ever to get under her skin.
They become friends but you can tell that they both feel more for each other than just friendship.
“We were engaged in a very intricate dance of touching without touching, knowing without saying, and feeling without expressing. We were friends walking along a ledge, a very thin ledge - and I was too caught up in my heightened awareness of his existence to realize how close the ledge was to crumbling beneath my feet.”
I DESPISED Carol. You don't know how badly I wanted Emma to take a knife and just STAP her. I think she's just jealous of Emma. I loved the part where Evan referred to her as the devil.
“Well let’s get you back to hell before the devil realizes you’re not home.”
I really liked Sara. She was there supporting her best friend through everything. That's true friendship, when they stick by your side through good and bad. She would also make me smile.
“What was that about? His mother is practically gushing over you. Not to mention that he’s holding your hand like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Forget about dating - are you having a wedding you forgot to invite me to?”
While trying to survive through hell Emma found love. She found it and it saved her somehow.
Reason to Breath is an amazing book that will make you cry and feel. It would take you on a roller coaster ride and let me tell you that It's one hell of a ride.
“Love helped me live life instead of just survive it.”
What an amazing book.
Emma's father died and her mother is an alcoholic who abandoned her so she has to live with her uncle, aunt, and two cousins. Her auntie(I'm not even sure i should call her that)is a devil . She's really abusive and she hates Emma, she made that pretty clear when she hits her with anything that's within reach.
In school Emma wants nothing but to be invisible. She is. They don't notice her and she doesn't want to be noticed. She walks in a haze. She just blocks everything and everyone out.
When Evan the new kid (he's not really "new" he've been in that school for about a week but she didn't notice him before) announces his topic for the newspaper Emma can't help but get pissed with him. She doesn't like his topic idea and he's the first person ever to get under her skin.
They become friends but you can tell that they both feel more for each other than just friendship.
“We were engaged in a very intricate dance of touching without touching, knowing without saying, and feeling without expressing. We were friends walking along a ledge, a very thin ledge - and I was too caught up in my heightened awareness of his existence to realize how close the ledge was to crumbling beneath my feet.”
I DESPISED Carol. You don't know how badly I wanted Emma to take a knife and just STAP her. I think she's just jealous of Emma. I loved the part where Evan referred to her as the devil.
“Well let’s get you back to hell before the devil realizes you’re not home.”
I really liked Sara. She was there supporting her best friend through everything. That's true friendship, when they stick by your side through good and bad. She would also make me smile.
“What was that about? His mother is practically gushing over you. Not to mention that he’s holding your hand like it’s the most natural thing in the world. Forget about dating - are you having a wedding you forgot to invite me to?”
While trying to survive through hell Emma found love. She found it and it saved her somehow.
Reason to Breath is an amazing book that will make you cry and feel. It would take you on a roller coaster ride and let me tell you that It's one hell of a ride.
“Love helped me live life instead of just survive it.”
October 4, 2012
WOW
What a heart wrenching, extremely emotional, beautifully written novel.
Emma Thomas is the star scholar.
The newspaper editor.
The soccor star.
The basketball star.
The track star.
Basically anything to do with school star.
She is best friends with the most wanted girl in school Sara.
Sara is her only friend.
No-one tries to talk to Em, they all think A- She is wayyyyy to into school B- She's stuck up.
She tries to be as invisible as can be.
What they don't know is that she is this way so that she can get out of the house and away from the abuse that awaits her there. After all, If she's not home they can't beat her can they?
Everyone just accepts that is how she is...
Until Evan Matthews comes to Weslyn High and see's her...
She's never felt like she has about Evan. He infuriates her and gets under her skin.
He says he wants to know her because she's interesting...
She agrees to befriend him to prove that she isnot interesting so that he will leave her alone...
That doesn't happen....
...........
Oh this book had the heart strings in its hands and pulled up, down, left, right and then strangled it, ate it and then spat it all out again!
I hated Em at times. JUST GET OUT OF THERE! but she had her reasons for staying and you had to accept them.
I loved Em... well for everything.
Sara, the friendship they share is beautiful.
Evan, what an amazing guy! The way he got Em to come out of her shell. Plus he was just beautiful.
This whole book was just *sigh* emotional...
The times when Em walks into the house, I had such a horrible feeling in my stomach, like the kind you get when you watch horror movies and the silly bitch goes outside to see what the noise was. That kind of anticipation and fear with a little excitement!
BUT
the ending?!?!?!
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
I am soooooooo glad that I brought the second book when I bought this so I can move straight onto it!
April 20, 2015
I am at a loss about how to review this book... It is a very emotional read, found myself so excited/happy at times, and distraught at others. The book left with such a cliff hanger, so glad the second one is out- because I need to find out what happens! Must read!
July 28, 2015
Eine absolute Empfehlung, warum? Seht selbst: https://youtu.be/tSH0sWVvzfY
November 22, 2017
When you love a book so much, but you just can't re-read it again because you can still remember the pain you felt while reading it, like it was yesterday.
...
Review has a few spoilers.. So please read it only after you've read this book.
I can't thank the author enough for not going into details with THOSE scenes, Seriously, if she had.. I would have lost my temper and broken my laptop.
The book was AMAZING.. Like seriously crazy and mind boggling but amazing.
This book stirred so many emotions with me.. anger, hatred, the 'I want to kill you, you fucking bitch' feeling. It make me sad, made me swoon, made me love, made me blush.
I WANTED TO PUNCH GEROGE IN THE FACE, Like push his teeth to the back of his skull.. BLOODY BASTARD. I'D RATHER BE AN ORPHAN THAN LIVE WITH A SPINELESS BASTARD LIKE HIM.
Carol.. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START ABOUT THAT BITCH. She doesn't deserve to take care of her own children after the shit she does to other's children.. LIKE SHE SERIOUSLY HAS SOME MAJOY CRAZY ISSUES. FUCKING WHORE.
Emma, You fucking dumb strong child.. :'(
People should really know when to open their mouths and raise their voice.. there were tons of people there to suppost you.. just for 2kids baring all that crap.. WELL THAT IS SHEER STUPIDITY
Evan <3 Strong and Caring! I loved him.. I wish she was more open to him..
Sara, Stupid dumb bitch.. I wish she would have opened her mouth!
Well, the story was amazing, but some things are still a mystery.. that why Carol hated her so much.. just because she was staying with them isn't a good enough reason.. why George was so spineless.. wtf was up with Rachel.. where did the letters go? and etc
...
Review has a few spoilers.. So please read it only after you've read this book.
I can't thank the author enough for not going into details with THOSE scenes, Seriously, if she had.. I would have lost my temper and broken my laptop.
The book was AMAZING.. Like seriously crazy and mind boggling but amazing.
This book stirred so many emotions with me.. anger, hatred, the 'I want to kill you, you fucking bitch' feeling. It make me sad, made me swoon, made me love, made me blush.
I WANTED TO PUNCH GEROGE IN THE FACE, Like push his teeth to the back of his skull.. BLOODY BASTARD. I'D RATHER BE AN ORPHAN THAN LIVE WITH A SPINELESS BASTARD LIKE HIM.
Carol.. I DONT EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START ABOUT THAT BITCH. She doesn't deserve to take care of her own children after the shit she does to other's children.. LIKE SHE SERIOUSLY HAS SOME MAJOY CRAZY ISSUES. FUCKING WHORE.
Emma, You fucking dumb strong child.. :'(
People should really know when to open their mouths and raise their voice.. there were tons of people there to suppost you.. just for 2kids baring all that crap.. WELL THAT IS SHEER STUPIDITY
Evan <3 Strong and Caring! I loved him.. I wish she was more open to him..
Sara, Stupid dumb bitch.. I wish she would have opened her mouth!
Well, the story was amazing, but some things are still a mystery.. that why Carol hated her so much.. just because she was staying with them isn't a good enough reason.. why George was so spineless.. wtf was up with Rachel.. where did the letters go? and etc
July 21, 2011
I am not sure where to start with this book, it is about abuse/violence.... living and coping with it, choices she makes to stay quiet....and at times it brought tears to my eyes, I gave it 5 stars which I actually did struggle with abit. I was going to rate it lower because of the ending but all I can do is pray there is a sequel. (I did just read there is one coming soon).
Rebecca Donovan writes this story and your emotions are right there when reading Emma's story.
I would say my struggle with this book is that its a highschool girl living in a violent situation and I would not reccomend it at this point to someone who could or has lived in this kind of situation until I know the sequel is out and I have read it. I can't say to much more as I don't want to give away anything. You just have to read it.
Rebecca Donovan writes this story and your emotions are right there when reading Emma's story.
I would say my struggle with this book is that its a highschool girl living in a violent situation and I would not reccomend it at this point to someone who could or has lived in this kind of situation until I know the sequel is out and I have read it. I can't say to much more as I don't want to give away anything. You just have to read it.
January 9, 2020
I ended up giving this one a 4.5 out of 5 stars. This story is incredibly sad. Emma live with her uncle and Aunt. The Aunt abuses her almost on a daily basis and the uncle doesn't do anything about it. Her best friend knows about the abuse and wants to get Emma out of the situation, but Emma won't let her. Emma is afraid she will lose everything she has fought so hard for. She's an amazing and smart student and is working toward going to college after she graduates and is counting down the days. In the meantime, she meets Evan and unexpectedly falls in love, but for the longest time she fights her feelings all the while trying to hide her secret from him. She feels the less people know about the abuse, the better off she'll be. This story is gripping, sad, and a glimmer of hope with Evan in the picture. I definitely recommend this book to anyone who is interested.
December 31, 2016
2/5
Idk what I feel about this.
Half of the time, I just wanted to insert myself into the book and strangle the aunt like Boyyyyyyyyy , I swear I never encountered such a fucking deranged character. The aunt was NUTS. It's been confirmed from the "You is not normal, bitch" association.
Can I replace Emma and just have my way around with her aunt?? I had to endure this entire book of her bat-shit craziness so, I deserve to release this anger and frustration. Idk how the author could sit down and write the aunt's character and not want to throw her into an ocean filled with a million sharks???? Don't even get me started with the uncle. Stupid ass man.
The other half, I honestly just wanted to know the reason behind why Emma's aunt is psychotic??? It wasn't normal. Take this, Emma's father died and her mother lost her shit which resulted in her turning towards alcohol to nurse her pain. She was seen as an unfit mother and isn't able to support her daughter. Since, Emma is under the age of 18 and needs a stable home life and someone to take care of her; she has to move in with her father's brother. (The stupid ass uncle)
Ok I get all of this BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THE FUCKING AUNT HATES HER ENOUGH TO TORMENT EMMA??? By torment, I mean, physically, verbally, you name it. I was appalled by some of the shit the aunt would do to Emma. I didn't get ONE explanation as to why the aunt cannot put up with Emma's existence?? Honestly, did the aunt just one day looked at Emma and turned into the fucking Hulk?? I need answers.
I don't understand how the uncle cannot see that his wife is clearly a part of the "You is not normal, bitch" association??
Everyone needs to give a standing ovation to Emma. This girl honestly, lived in the real hunger games. She can't even breathe without her aunt coming after her ass. It was fucked up. She didn't even search for help like, once again, standing ovation.
If I was Emma, I would rather be in juvenile. I've never been there and I don't know what life would be like over there but honestly, I don't give 2 shits. If you read this book, I promise that you would've been like:
SEE YOU THERE, BUDDY!! *waves*
And the romance was okayish but it kind of dragged. I understand the reasoning of the slow ass developing romance but I would've liked for it to speed up (idk if it was only me or??) The writing was alright. This book just didn't live up to my expectations. I wished someone warned me about the fucking aunt. I swear, the anger is coming back again.
I think I would've enjoyed this if I had an accurate explanation of the aunt's behaviour. Probably, that'll be in the 2nd book. Idk If I wanna read this. Is it possible to delete the aunt??? I'd totally read it if the aunt didn't exist in the 2nd book. Or you can just add the part of her being thrown into the ocean with a million sharks. Now, that I'd read.
Idk what I feel about this.
Half of the time, I just wanted to insert myself into the book and strangle the aunt like Boyyyyyyyyy , I swear I never encountered such a fucking deranged character. The aunt was NUTS. It's been confirmed from the "You is not normal, bitch" association.
Can I replace Emma and just have my way around with her aunt?? I had to endure this entire book of her bat-shit craziness so, I deserve to release this anger and frustration. Idk how the author could sit down and write the aunt's character and not want to throw her into an ocean filled with a million sharks???? Don't even get me started with the uncle. Stupid ass man.
The other half, I honestly just wanted to know the reason behind why Emma's aunt is psychotic??? It wasn't normal. Take this, Emma's father died and her mother lost her shit which resulted in her turning towards alcohol to nurse her pain. She was seen as an unfit mother and isn't able to support her daughter. Since, Emma is under the age of 18 and needs a stable home life and someone to take care of her; she has to move in with her father's brother. (The stupid ass uncle)
Ok I get all of this BUT I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY THE FUCKING AUNT HATES HER ENOUGH TO TORMENT EMMA??? By torment, I mean, physically, verbally, you name it. I was appalled by some of the shit the aunt would do to Emma. I didn't get ONE explanation as to why the aunt cannot put up with Emma's existence?? Honestly, did the aunt just one day looked at Emma and turned into the fucking Hulk?? I need answers.
I don't understand how the uncle cannot see that his wife is clearly a part of the "You is not normal, bitch" association??
Everyone needs to give a standing ovation to Emma. This girl honestly, lived in the real hunger games. She can't even breathe without her aunt coming after her ass. It was fucked up. She didn't even search for help like, once again, standing ovation.
If I was Emma, I would rather be in juvenile. I've never been there and I don't know what life would be like over there but honestly, I don't give 2 shits. If you read this book, I promise that you would've been like:
SEE YOU THERE, BUDDY!! *waves*
And the romance was okayish but it kind of dragged. I understand the reasoning of the slow ass developing romance but I would've liked for it to speed up (idk if it was only me or??) The writing was alright. This book just didn't live up to my expectations. I wished someone warned me about the fucking aunt. I swear, the anger is coming back again.
I think I would've enjoyed this if I had an accurate explanation of the aunt's behaviour. Probably, that'll be in the 2nd book. Idk If I wanna read this. Is it possible to delete the aunt??? I'd totally read it if the aunt didn't exist in the 2nd book. Or you can just add the part of her being thrown into the ocean with a million sharks. Now, that I'd read.
July 16, 2011
LOVED This book. I laughed, cried, screamed, felt my heart pound I had so many emotions reading this story. I am so happy to hear that there will be a sequel. Emma's story is heartbreaking to say the least but with her friendship to Sara and her relationship with Evan you get so much hope for her. I would recommend this book in a heartbeat.
December 21, 2011
This book gave me a continuous stomach ache and incredible anxiety for the entire length of time it took me to read it. If there isn't a sequel SOON.........the author is getting the bill for my therapy sessions. God. Almighty. Someone hold me.............
July 25, 2019
📚Aşk, hayatta kalmakla yetinmek yerine gerçekten yaşamayı öğretti bana. Beni zorlayarak mümkün olduğunu düşündüğümden daha güçlü olduğumu gösterdi. Onun rahatlığı yaralarımı sarıp izlerimi şefkatle sarmaladı. Bana, olduğumdan daha dik durup kimseye boyun eğmeme cesaretini verdi.
Aşkın ve kaybın dengesinde, uğruna mücadele edeceğim şeyi aşk belirledi ve eğilip fısıldadı kulağıma: Tut Elimi...
📚Yaşaran gözlerimle sevgiyle gülümsedim ve o elimi tutarken başımı Evan’ın omzuna yasladım. ”...sen hiç var olmasaydın ben de aynı insan olmazdım.” Başımı kaldırıp hareketsizce bekledim. “Hayatın anlamını istediğin kadar sorgulayabiliriz, ama şunu bil ki benim anlamım sensin... Yaptığım hemen her şeyin arkasındaki sebep sensin ve ben bunu ömrümde bir gün bile değiştirmeyi istemedim.”😍😍
📚Birbirimize sarılarak gecenin karanlığında gökyüzünden süzülen renkli ışıkları izledik sessizce. Başımı ona çevirdim ve parmaklarımı dudağında gezdirmeye başladım. “Aldığım her nefes senin için.” Benden ayırmadığı gözleri ışıldadı. “Beni kurtarmak için orada olamadığında bile sen benim nefes alma sebebimdin. Ve bu yüzden seni hep seveceğim. Sonsuza dek.”😥
Seriyi, neden yıllardır kitaplıkta beklettiğimi ve neden okumaya korktuğumu, okuyunca daha iyi anladım. Nefes serisi, üç kitap boyunca yaşattığı acıyla nefesimi kesti gerçekten. Özellikle de kitap sonlarıyla. Normalde seri kitaplarını böyle üstüste okumayı hiç sevmem. Ama yazar kitapları öyle yerlerde bitirmişti ki sıradaki kitabı elime almam 5 saniye sürmedi sanırım. İlk kitabı bitirdikten sonra insanlar nasıl bir yıl beklemiş, aklım almadı. Bugüne kadar okuduğum en acımasız kitap sonuydu bence.😓😱
Kitapları tek tek yorumlamak yerine, seriye genel bir yorum yazmak istedim. Çünkü hem ben üçünü tek kitap gibi okudum, hem de üç kitabında aslında tek bir konusu var; Emma ve yaşadığı acılar. Bütün kitapları çok sevmeme rağmen, en fazla duyguyu 1. ve 3. kitabı yaşadım. Ama sanırım hem Aşk Yakar diyen adıyla, hem de hissettirdiği her satırı işaretleme ihtiyacıyla gönlümün efendisi 3. kitap oldu.
Başlamadan önce birçok yorumda ‘kitabı sevdim ama Emma’ya çok kızdım’ gibi cümleler okudum. Bir dram kitabında, dramı yaşayan kişiye okuyucu neden kızar, çok merak etmiştim. Baştan söyleyeyim ki neden kızdıklarını görebiliyorum ama hak vermiyorum. Ben serinin hiçbir yerinde Emma’ya kızmadım, kızamadım. 17 yaşında birinin yaşadığı o hayattan sonra, aldığı bazı yanlış kararlar yüzünden ona kızma hakkını kendimde bulmadım. Emma yanlış kararlar verdi mi? Evet. Bu kararların acısını hem kendisi hem sevdikleri çekti mi? Evet. Ama yaşadıklarını bu yaşımda, bugünkü aklımla, rahat koltuğumda sıcak kahvemi içerken değerlendirmek, Emma’ya en büyük haksızlıktır bence.
O yüzden Emma’ya kızmam, en yakın arkadaşı Sara’nın kızmalarından, yardım etme isteğinden, çaresizliğinden farklı değildi. Ben üç kitap boyunca -ve belki şu anda bile- Emma’nın en yakın arkadaşıydım. Onunla birlikte o acıları çektim, onunla birlikte ağladım, nadir de olsa o gülümsediğinde ben de gülümsedim, sonra gülebildiği için mutluluktan yine ağladım.🙊🙊
Gülümsemelerimizin tek kaynağı da Evan’dı.😍😍 Öyle ufak şeyler, kitapların havasını değiştirdi ki o gülümseme molalarında nefes almamı sağladı. Evan’a da kızdığım, hatalı kararlar aldığını ve bazı şeyleri çok kolay kabullendiğini düşündüğüm, neden öyle yaptığını sorguladığım yerler oldu. Ama onların da hepsini yaşadıklarına ve yaşına verdim, çünkü şahit olduğu şeyler hiç kolay değildi. Özellikle Emma’ya olan sevgisini, ilgisini gördüğü ilk andan, 3. kitabın son sayfasına kadar koruması çok hoşuma gitti. Evan, kitap boyunca beni hem gülümsetti hem ağlattı. Gözümden kalpler çıkarırken aynı anda mutluluktan ağladığım zamanlar yaşattı.😍😍😥😥🤧🤧
Emma’nın içe dönük, görünmez olmaya çalışan, yeri geldiğinde yaşamayı sadece nefes almak olarak gören, zaman zaman hayata küsmüş, gözlerindeki ışıltısını kaybetmiş, kaybolmuş ruhunu ve bedenini bana göre hep Evan kurtardı. Acıların arasında, hatalarından duyduğu suçluluk duygusunun, nefretinin, öfkesinin arasında hep bir tutunacak dal, yeniden nefes alacak bir sebep verdi. Yanında olsa da olmasa da Emma için nefes alma sebebi hep Evan oldu.
Kitapların hepsi Emma’nın ağzından yazılmıştı ve ben, hem karakteri çok sevdiğimden hem de yaşananlardan nasıl etkilendiğini merak ettiğimden sürekli Evan’ın bakış açısını okumak istedim. Ve yazarın yaptığı sürprizle Benimle Kal’ın sonundan itibaren, 3. kitap boyunca Evan’ın anlatımıyla okuduğum bölümler beni daha çok etkiledi. Yazar, karakterin iç dünyasını öyle güzel anlatmıştı ki daha fazla sevemem dediğim yerde, Evan kırılganlığıyla, aşkıyla kendini daha fazla sevdirdi.💖💖
Nefret ettiğim, ölmesini dilediğim karakterler olmasına rağmen, kitapta çok sevdiğim başka karakterler de vardı. Öncelikle Sara tabii. Emma için bir kızkardeş dileseydim bu kesinlikle Sara olurdu. Hem neşesiyle hem her an yanında olmasıyla, her ihtiyaç duyduğunda elini tutmasıyla hayran olduğum bir karakterdi. Sara’yla birlikte, Sara’nın anne ve babasına da hayran kaldım. Kendi annesinin sahip çıkmadığı, terk ettiği Emma’yı, baştan sona kendi kızlarından ayırmadılar, hep onun için daha iyisini istediler, mutlu olması için yanında oldular. Evan’ın annesi zarifliğiyle, ilgisiyle mutluluk sebebi kaynana oldu benim için. Her şartta, her ne yaşanırsa yaşansın, bu aşkın en büyük destekçisi, gönlümün kraliçesi oldu.
Ben bu üç kitabı okumadım. Yaşadım. Gözümü kapattığımda her sahnesini, her acısını, her kahkahasını yaşadım. Okul koridorlarında onlarla yürüdüm, sanat sınıfında boya kokusunu, okyanus kenarında denizin kokusunu aldım. Emma koştukça, ben nefes nefese kaldım, benim ciğerlerim nefes alma ihtiyacı içinde yandı. Meşe ağacının altında olduklarında rüzgar benim de yüzüme çarptı.
Bazen okurken kitabı kapatıp nefesimi tuttuğumu fark etmeden nefes alma ihtiyacı hissettim. Olayların heyecanından ya da aksiyonundan değil, acıdan. Belki her okuyan benim kadar hissetmeyebilir ya da ağlamayabilir. Ama biraz empati yeteneği olan herkesin yüreğine dokunacak bir seri Nefes serisi. Burada esas konu aşk değil, aşkın bir insanı kurtarması, yeniden nefes almasını, gülmesini, hayata tutunmasını sağlaması. Gerçek sevginin -aşkın yetmediği anlarda bile- yapabileceklerinin gücünü göstermesi. Analise’ın bir yerde dediği gibi ‘birinin beni böyle sevmesi için her şeyimi verirdim’ dedirtecek bir aşk hikayesi okudum.
Üç kitap boyunca yaşananların dram sevdiğim halde bana bile fazla geldiği, YETERR diye bağırmak istediğim yerler oldu. Ama yine de türü seven herkese gözüm kapalı öneriyorum. Çünkü Emma ve Evan, bittiğinde baştan başlamak istediğim, sonrasında tekrar tekrar okuyacağım, bütün acısına rağmen her anını yeniden yaşama ihtiyacı duyduğum, çok gerçek gelen, basit ama etkili anlatımıyla iliklerime işleyen bir hikaye anlattılar bana. İkisini de çok seviyorum ve kolay kolay unutmayacağım.😍😍
📚”Geçmişinin hatalarında yaşamak, geleceğini mahvetmekten başka bir işe yaramaz.”
📚İlerlerken kendime ait parçaları da ardımda bırakarak koşmaya başladım. Her gece, acaba annesi eve bu gece hangi kişiliğiyle girecek diye korkan o kızın parçalarını. Mükemmel olsam daha çok sevileceğim yanılgısını da. Bana kendimi asla yeterli hissetirmeyen ve herhangi bir şeyi hak etmediğimi düşündüren tüm o şüpheleri de. Değer verdiğim herkesi kıracağıma inandıran ve beni sevilemez bırakan o suçluluk duygusunu da.
Bacaklarım beni, çaresizce arkamda bırakmak istediğim o kızdan uzağa taşıdı. Ben hızlandıkça gözümden akan yaşlar da üzerimden akan su ve tere karıştı. Babasını kaybeden ve hiçbir zaman gerçek anne sevgisini tatmamış o kıza ağladım. Hayatta tek istediği yalnızca kabul edilmek olan ama ne yaparsa yapsın yeterli gelmeyen o kıza ağladım. Sevilmeyi hak eden ama bunu nasıl yapacağını bilmeyen o kıza ağladım.
📚Aşk kolaydı. Tek yapmam gereken gözlerine bakıp görebilmekti.
Hayatımın o çalkantılı evrelerinde hem aşkı hem kaybı yaşamıştım. Kaybım beni kuvvetli kılmış olsa da zayıf olduğum anlarda elimden tutan hep aşk olmuştu.
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