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Pall of Silence: My Journey from Tragedy to Trust
Some lives speak volumes
Some are silent as the grave
Dearly beloved — that’s what the obituaries say — never hinting at the conflict, shame or sin that lie behind the veil. In October 2012, Paul, the author’s 18-year-old son was killed by a hit-and-run driver while walking home from an evening performing with his punk rock band. Amid the grief
of loss, she is burdened over his life that seemed to be headed in the wrong direction and their strained relationship. Dogged by grief, guilt, blame and shame, she relives every memory searching for that conclusive evidence that he did after all, belong to Christ. Clinging to the Biblical doctrines of grace, the truth she knows wrestles with the longing of her heart. Can she trust God, with even this?
Some are silent as the grave
Dearly beloved — that’s what the obituaries say — never hinting at the conflict, shame or sin that lie behind the veil. In October 2012, Paul, the author’s 18-year-old son was killed by a hit-and-run driver while walking home from an evening performing with his punk rock band. Amid the grief
of loss, she is burdened over his life that seemed to be headed in the wrong direction and their strained relationship. Dogged by grief, guilt, blame and shame, she relives every memory searching for that conclusive evidence that he did after all, belong to Christ. Clinging to the Biblical doctrines of grace, the truth she knows wrestles with the longing of her heart. Can she trust God, with even this?
- GenresMemoir
248 pages, Kindle Edition
Published November 4, 2017
About the author
Eleanor Bertin
17 books172 followersPrior to thirty years of raising and home-educating a family of seven children, Eleanor Bertin worked in agriculture journalism. She holds a college diploma in Communications and returned to writing with her first novel, Lifelines, followed by the memoir, Pall of Silence, about her late son, Paul.
Eleanor lives with her husband and youngest son amid the ongoing renovation of a century home in central Alberta where she reads, writes, sweeps up construction rubble and blogs about a sometimes-elusive contentment at jewelofcontentment.wordpress.com. Visit her website at www.eleanorbertinauthor.com.
Eleanor lives with her husband and youngest son amid the ongoing renovation of a century home in central Alberta where she reads, writes, sweeps up construction rubble and blogs about a sometimes-elusive contentment at jewelofcontentment.wordpress.com. Visit her website at www.eleanorbertinauthor.com.
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
October 12, 2019
A quick read with short chapters, yet something to ponder beyond the last page!
Pall of Silence: My Journey from Tragedy to Trust by Canadian writer Eleanor Bertin left me speechless even after first reading it in April and then again after re-reading it this month. It reminded me of staring at a sympathy card and not knowing what to write inside. Death and grief are tough subjects to discuss and the author’s vivid descriptions (of the horrific tragedy that faced her family) made this an even tougher book to review.
For example, the author grabs me with her words: “It wasn’t the kind of thing you longed for – emergency vehicle lights flashing blue and red through your front window and reflecting against the kitchen appliances in the early dark of an autumn morning.” (p. 1)
Wow! What a powerful first line to draw the audience into her second book! However, what haunts me (as both a reader and someone who knows the author) is that this is no fictional tale. It is a gut-wrenching true story based on a mother’s worst nightmare. Not only does she expose her fears over her teenaged son’s rebellious interest in the punk world but she pulls the reader into her life when he dies unexpectedly at the age of 18 as the result of a hit and run driver in 2012.
More than an emotional purge of shock, guilt, anger, regrets, and acceptance, the book features Bertin’s strong storytelling skills including the addition of dialogue and other literary devises to move the story along at just the right pace.
For example, how she, her husband Mike, and six other children cope with the loss is only one element of the book as the narration also looks at the drawn-out trial of the young man accused of not only accidentally killing her son but leaving the scene of the accident. The last section is especially tense with numerous twists associated with the trial and the result of it all.
To personalize the book, Bertin includes four pages of 14 black and white images to preserve the memories of her teen child. Plus it is her son’s image in full punk attire that adorns the front cover of her book.
Although not everyone will like this memoir, I found it most thought-provoking. As a result, I gave the book a five-star rating because I appreciated the honest and courageous writing and how the author delved deep into her spiritual realm to find meaning for her loss.
Non-Christians may find Bertin’s devout Christian views and biblical references overpowering. However, with an open-mind, lessons may be learned from both sides.
Take note of these word gems: “Some say Christianity is a crutch. I found knowing Jesus to be much more than that. It was a wheelchair.” (p. 51)
Also Bertin is certainly not the first mother (or parent) nor will she be the last one to mourn the loss of a child at such a young age. (I personally know of six other mothers with young adults who died tragically over the last 40 years. And then are all the mothers who I do not know who lost one or more young adults during war time.)
However, in the end, this is Bertin’s story (an inward reflection and memorial tribute to her son Paul) and she tells it well. Her intent doesn’t appear to be to preach but to share her experiences and thoughts with others. How the reader reacts is in the hands of her Maker.
Definitely an author to watch in the religious and spirituality genre!
Pall of Silence: My Journey from Tragedy to Trust by Canadian writer Eleanor Bertin left me speechless even after first reading it in April and then again after re-reading it this month. It reminded me of staring at a sympathy card and not knowing what to write inside. Death and grief are tough subjects to discuss and the author’s vivid descriptions (of the horrific tragedy that faced her family) made this an even tougher book to review.
For example, the author grabs me with her words: “It wasn’t the kind of thing you longed for – emergency vehicle lights flashing blue and red through your front window and reflecting against the kitchen appliances in the early dark of an autumn morning.” (p. 1)
Wow! What a powerful first line to draw the audience into her second book! However, what haunts me (as both a reader and someone who knows the author) is that this is no fictional tale. It is a gut-wrenching true story based on a mother’s worst nightmare. Not only does she expose her fears over her teenaged son’s rebellious interest in the punk world but she pulls the reader into her life when he dies unexpectedly at the age of 18 as the result of a hit and run driver in 2012.
More than an emotional purge of shock, guilt, anger, regrets, and acceptance, the book features Bertin’s strong storytelling skills including the addition of dialogue and other literary devises to move the story along at just the right pace.
For example, how she, her husband Mike, and six other children cope with the loss is only one element of the book as the narration also looks at the drawn-out trial of the young man accused of not only accidentally killing her son but leaving the scene of the accident. The last section is especially tense with numerous twists associated with the trial and the result of it all.
To personalize the book, Bertin includes four pages of 14 black and white images to preserve the memories of her teen child. Plus it is her son’s image in full punk attire that adorns the front cover of her book.
Although not everyone will like this memoir, I found it most thought-provoking. As a result, I gave the book a five-star rating because I appreciated the honest and courageous writing and how the author delved deep into her spiritual realm to find meaning for her loss.
Non-Christians may find Bertin’s devout Christian views and biblical references overpowering. However, with an open-mind, lessons may be learned from both sides.
Take note of these word gems: “Some say Christianity is a crutch. I found knowing Jesus to be much more than that. It was a wheelchair.” (p. 51)
Also Bertin is certainly not the first mother (or parent) nor will she be the last one to mourn the loss of a child at such a young age. (I personally know of six other mothers with young adults who died tragically over the last 40 years. And then are all the mothers who I do not know who lost one or more young adults during war time.)
However, in the end, this is Bertin’s story (an inward reflection and memorial tribute to her son Paul) and she tells it well. Her intent doesn’t appear to be to preach but to share her experiences and thoughts with others. How the reader reacts is in the hands of her Maker.
Definitely an author to watch in the religious and spirituality genre!
November 24, 2020
Brutal honesty characterizes this true account about a family’s journey of grief and faith after losing a child. Author Eleanor Bertin has laid her soul bare, exposing her inner struggles days, months and even years after her son was the victim of a hit and run accident. Her total transparency adds layer upon layer to a story that is as engaging as it is tragic. This book is about more than the grief suffered, but is also about deep theological questions, guilt, and uncertainty. It will touch the heart of anyone who reads it – not just those who are grieving themselves, but those who have questions about God’s sovereignty. Pall of Silence chronicles the life, death, and aftermath of the author’s son Paul, detailing the court case and trial that the family also had to endure and the lasting impact that such an ordeal has wrought. Ultimately, though, it rests on trust and the assurance that God doesn’t make mistakes, even when we don’t understand. This thought provoking book is beautifully written. Those who have suffered similar loss will find camaraderie and hope. Those who haven’t will gain insight and empathy. Read it for the story. Read it for the truth.
Merged review:
Moving in its true account of a son's death and the subsequent aftermath of a trail and the effect it had on the family. Throughout, the author's deep reliance on God is evident.
Merged review:
Moving in its true account of a son's death and the subsequent aftermath of a trail and the effect it had on the family. Throughout, the author's deep reliance on God is evident.
January 30, 2018
You know when you read something, and it follows you everywhere for a while afterwards? I have caught myself pondering this book in the strangest places, I asked my husband the other day what music he’d play at my funeral, I have chuckled as my own “nine year old boy” makes funny noises and pesters his siblings, (what an apt description of that age…) This book made an impression on me in little ways, it has made me squeeze my kids a little tighter, linger a little longer, respond a little softer, pray a little harder. But for me this book was all about chapter 24. My copy is dogeared and underlined right in the middle because this is where I could really relate. I haven’t experience loss in the same way, I haven’t had the heartache associated with raising teens. However, I have had several opportunities to come to the same conclusion that I don’t have all the answers, but that “I could rest in who God is!!” (p.138) I was so encouraged by reading such a raw and truthful account of grief that comes to THAT beautiful conclusion. Thank you for entrusting your true thoughts, your honest struggle, your raw emotions, your hard questions, and ultimately your scripture-centred conclusion with all of us, your readers. This was such a tender story you just need to read!
September 9, 2019
As I read Eleanor Bertin's candid account, I feel as if I'm going through her experiences with her. Reading about the uninvited, unwelcome horror of an accidental death intruding into daily, ordinary family life leaves me with feelings much like the ones I had when my dad died. Part of me said, "Give me time. This is all too much to take in at once," and at the same time, I longed for the funeral to be over. Eleanor deals with the deep pain of loss and offers readers a glimpse of her son's brilliant and fascinating personality at the same time. She's not afraid to ask hard questions but she doesn't just dwell on her family's loss. Eleanor Bertin invites her readers to look at a bigger picture, exploring the mysteries of God's work in our lives. I will continue reading, because I know I will learn more from it. I received a read-only electronic version of Pall of Silence in exchange for a review.
August 22, 2018
l written book on the unimaginable subject of losing a child
January 23, 2019
The beautifully written, brutally honest, heart rending story of a mother's journey through loss ♥
September 11, 2020
Update: Given some time, and the author's response, I have edited this review and moved my rating from 1 star to 3 stars. I felt my original words were not necessarily helpful.
I generally try to hold to a personal rule that says "Review with 4 or 5 stars" or don't review at all. In this case, however, I felt the need to break the rule.
First of all, a personal story of her son's death, and how her family dealt with it, it feels insensitive and unkind to offer any sort of critical review of the book, since the book is very much a personal family story. On those grounds, let me first say that I have the utmost sympathy for the author and her family, and the tragedy they have experienced. No parent should ever have to endure something like the death of a child. For those who know the author and her story, I imagine this could bring some hope and some closure.
That being said, I have had the mixed blessing of reading numerous books on the subject of suffering and loss, and generally, this is not one I would recommend. As a memoir, the author writes well and has encapsulated her family's story will colour and sound. As a treatise on suffering and loss, however, I am concerned it could bring more harm than good. The author's theological framework leads her to make numerous statements about the character of God and the cause and result of suffering in the world that I do not believe are true, or are even helpful for those in a season of suffering and loss. While I applaud the vulnerability of her heart being poured out on these pages, in some cases her attitudes and biases against the community her son chose to identify with paint her in an extremely unfavourable light, and it is not always clear to me as a reader why this level of raw-ness was decided on.
It is often the case that people who have suffered extreme tragedy will benefit from the process of writing about it. I hope that was the case for this author. It is not, however, guaranteed that other readers will benefit from the story themselves. That was my experience with this work, though your mileage may vary. I wish the author all the best, and I do hope she continues writing.
I generally try to hold to a personal rule that says "Review with 4 or 5 stars" or don't review at all. In this case, however, I felt the need to break the rule.
First of all, a personal story of her son's death, and how her family dealt with it, it feels insensitive and unkind to offer any sort of critical review of the book, since the book is very much a personal family story. On those grounds, let me first say that I have the utmost sympathy for the author and her family, and the tragedy they have experienced. No parent should ever have to endure something like the death of a child. For those who know the author and her story, I imagine this could bring some hope and some closure.
That being said, I have had the mixed blessing of reading numerous books on the subject of suffering and loss, and generally, this is not one I would recommend. As a memoir, the author writes well and has encapsulated her family's story will colour and sound. As a treatise on suffering and loss, however, I am concerned it could bring more harm than good. The author's theological framework leads her to make numerous statements about the character of God and the cause and result of suffering in the world that I do not believe are true, or are even helpful for those in a season of suffering and loss. While I applaud the vulnerability of her heart being poured out on these pages, in some cases her attitudes and biases against the community her son chose to identify with paint her in an extremely unfavourable light, and it is not always clear to me as a reader why this level of raw-ness was decided on.
It is often the case that people who have suffered extreme tragedy will benefit from the process of writing about it. I hope that was the case for this author. It is not, however, guaranteed that other readers will benefit from the story themselves. That was my experience with this work, though your mileage may vary. I wish the author all the best, and I do hope she continues writing.
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January 30, 2024In Pall of Silence, Eleanor Bertin eloquently and poignantly gives her account of the event that every parent prays they will never experience, the accidental death of a child. She and her family were awakened one morning in the early hours by police, telling them that their eighteen year old son Paul had been killed by a hit and run driver. Their grief was compounded by the knowledge that Paul was in rebellion against society and perhaps - excruciating uncertainty - against the God he had professed to know. Eleanor writes movingly, honestly and intelligently of the agony of bereavement in such circumstances. She does not gloss over her conflicted emotions: her uncompromising love for her son is evident on every page, and yet unlike some who concentrate only on their victimhood, she is unsparingly open about some very human reactions, for example, hand in hand with the shock of hearing of Paul's death, the relief she felt that he had at least not been the perpetrator of the crime she was being told about, and her upset that he was identified by his rebellious green mohawk. There is no dissembling, no disingenuousness in this story. It is not written from the perspective of how one might think a bereaved mother should feel, but of how she did feel.
As she narrates the details of the accident, the investigation and the subsequent court case, Eleanor weaves in her emotional and spiritual journey through grief. This book is full of truth and free from empty platitudes. It is a book not of self-protective stoicism but of lament fused with trust, and reveals a woman who bears a life-shattering tragedy with dignity, integrity and mercy, a woman who chooses the path of assured surrender to her all-loving and all-knowing God. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
As she narrates the details of the accident, the investigation and the subsequent court case, Eleanor weaves in her emotional and spiritual journey through grief. This book is full of truth and free from empty platitudes. It is a book not of self-protective stoicism but of lament fused with trust, and reveals a woman who bears a life-shattering tragedy with dignity, integrity and mercy, a woman who chooses the path of assured surrender to her all-loving and all-knowing God. I cannot recommend it highly enough.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews