What do you think?
Rate this book
388 pages, ebook
First published September 29, 2020
Conquering people is easy. You break past their defenses, seize their cities, burn their world to the ground. To annihilate us, though, is impossible. A seed will survive.
You have to stop trying to earn the love of a monster.
“Sometimes a crime is an act of heroism.”
You have spent your entire lives sneering at the ground I walk on. The style of my clothes and the tint of my skin. The food that I eat. The language of my people, the signs I use because I cannot speak aloud. You have wished for the death of my loved ones by barring them from the safety of your doors, even as you take from them what you like—their jewelry, their customs and food, their traditions. You have taken advantage of my silence in every way, robbed me of my dignity and my pride. You have used me for your own gain.
Now, in your hour of greatest need, you will use me again. And yet, I will still risk my life to save yours. I swore an oath to this country on the day I donned this coat, to protect you and every other citizen from harm so long as there is breath in my body. [...] I’ve done it my entire life, and I will do it now. One final time.
[...] If we’re going out, then I’m grateful to be alongside this team. Rats, orphans, disgraced children.
We are Mara’s saviors.
“He’s a monster, same as the Ghosts in the valley, just disguised in silks and smiles.”
You first shoot a war criminal in the back. And then they tell you to kill a soldier who is innocent. And then they tell you to kill a civilian, and then a young girl. And you realize that if you keep agreeing, it will keep spiraling down, down, down, until you’ve killed your own soul.
“For Mara?” Rooke signs.
“For the idea of Mara,” Jeran replies.
“Ideas are nothing but air,” Rooke mutters.
“Then we’re truly lost,” I sign.
The sun is warm, the sky a cloudless blue. My heart beats rapidly against my ribs. I wait a breath longer. Then my legs finally loosen, and I find myself doing what I would do for the next six years—I follow him. I run and run and run.
But in my dream, I never catch up.
“Our pasts matter because they created us, helped mold us into who we are.”
“Everyone has a different story.”
“You’re my Shield, and I am yours.”
Sometimes the things that cut closest to your heart deserve the weight of being last.
CW ➾ racism, selective mutism, child abuse and violence by family, loss of a loved one, graphic violence, childhood trauma
Thank you to my superhero for gifting me an eARC through Edelweiss!
The Written Review
Just released my Top 10 Books from 2020 BookTube Video - now that you know this one made the list, click the link to find the rest!
Mara is the last of the free nations and the Karensa Federation is closing in.
“I feel like the phantom that I’ve trained all my life to become – a Ghost killer, a weapon of destruction, an invisible outsider in every way.”
“You have spent your entire lives sneering at the ground I walk on. The style of my clothes and the tint of my skin. The food that I eat. The language of my people, the signs I use because I cannot speak aloud. You have wished for the death of my loved ones by barring them from the safety of our doors, even as you take from them what you like – their jewelry, their customs and food, their traditions. You have taken advantage of my silence in every way, robbed me of my dignity and my pride. You have used me for your own gain. Now, in your hour of greatest need, you will use me again. And yet, I will still risk my life to save yours. I swore and oath to this country on the day I donned this coat, to protect you and every other citizen from harm so long as there is breath in my body.”
“That he had taken so much from me – my words, my home, my world – and yet could not take everything.”
“If we’re going out, then I’m grateful to be alongside this team. Rats, orphans, disgraced children. We are Maras’s saviors.”
“I am sworn, until death parts us, to protect him, to lay down my life for him, to be there when he needs me.”
“I’m going to find a way to walk through life with courage seared into my bones.”
“Here, to me, is the part of Mara I understand, the people that Mara had allowed into its borders even as the Federation pushes in from all sides. We’re still here and alive. It’s enough of a reason to defend this place.”
“This is what the Federation does to us. It plants these horrifying memories in our minds until our hearts have turned hollow.”
“Mara refuses to let her into their walls. They call us rats. We are seen as the invader. But Mara had been the country to open her doors for us when we were at our most desperate, when she had a nobler leader. She had saved us from our fates in the Federation. We may be rats here, but we are alive. And here I am, wearing the sapphire coat of a Striker. Mara is imperfect, but it is not the Federation.”
“For Mara, for its citizens, for the wealthy and the wicked and the poor and the suffering, I am going to give my life today on the battlefield. And maybe it won’t even matter.”