What do you think?
Rate this book
384 pages, Hardcover
First published April 6, 2021
I never saw myself as the “girl” in my musical imagination. I was always the boy, the one who had the power, the one who made up the songs and stood on the stage. I would never be the “seamstress for the band”—I was the band.
When I was twenty-three years old I drove around L.A. with Tom Waits. We'd cruise along Highway 1 in his new 1963 Thunderbird. With my blonde hair flying out the window and both of us sweating in the summer sun, the alcohol seeped from our pores and the sex smell still soaked our clothes and our hair.
Every ride was a performance for me because almost every guy was sizing me up for sex. Perhaps they wanted to scare or to shame me as they drove, flicking their dicks till they quietly came, or they wanted to rape me—loud and furious. Which was it? I had to assess every ride in just a minute or two, and figure out what part to play. Am I a tough broad? Am I an innocent young girl? Am I me—which me am I?
Our disciples rippled out into the world—followers. You can still see them today. Of course I remain the unseen image at the Last Supper. Was I ever there? Scholars disagree. Do women have an impact on men or is it only the other way around?
My deepest emotions are universal; the further inside myself I go, the closer I am to mankind. When I sing, you can hear your own teardrops falling on my windowsill.
When I was twenty-three years old I drove around L.A. with Tom Waits. We’d cruise along Highway 1 in his new 1963 Thunderbird. With my blonde hair flying out the window and both of us sweating in the summer sun, the alcohol seeped from our pores and the sex smell still soaked our clothes and our hair. We liked our smell. We did not bathe as often as we might have. We were in love and I for one was not interested in washing any of that off. By the end of summer we were exchanging song ideas. We were also exchanging something deeper. Each other.
Coming home from visiting Good Shepherd, my mother sometimes whipped out a warning out of nowhere. “Don’t you ever be like your sister. Do you hear me? Don’t you grow up to be like Janet.” Every time she said this to me I was devastated. I was nothing like my sister. I was me. Didn’t she even know me? It was a seed of doubt inadvertently planted by my mother. I began to wonder if I was adopted, and so began the year known as, “Was I adopted?” Each week I’d ask a family member, “Seriously, was I adopted?” Finally Danny said, “Yes, you were adopted. Go away.” Nothing they could say could make me stop doubting my place in our family.
To say my mother was unpredictable is to say that the ocean is salty. It was a given, but you went in there anyway, hoping to float on top of the waves.
Sugarfoot was my pet cat but also my surrogate mama and best friend. For the last five years I came to pet her quietly when life was too hard to bear. When she was thirsty she drank out of the next-door neighbor’s pool. He did not like our cat drinking from his pool. My mother found Sugarfoot dead while I was at school one day. I came home and she said, “I think your cat is sick. She may be dead Rickie. She’s lying there in the garden.” I did not believe her. Not Sugarfoot! Not dead! I had to see for myself.
There was Sugarfoot lying in the garden where she always liked to sleep, but when I bent over to pick her up she was stiff and her fur was covered with green vomit. I picked her up gently, wiped off the vomit, and rocking her body in my arms, I cried. God, not again, don’t take her from me too. It wasn’t God who had done this, it was the next-door neighbor, a man who saw us every day with our wheelchaired teenager, struggling to have some kind of normal life. A man who passed our broken-hearted house every day, he poisoned Sugarfoot. A monster lived next door. I still don’t know how he managed it, but Danny dug the hole. He had always buried our pets and the continuity of this burial task was important to all of us. We buried Sugarfoot in the garden, right where she died. I sat there with her as long as I could, singing and crying.
This autobiography is a deeply thoughtful and poetic dive into the life of one of our greatest rock singers and an iconic musician. It's impossible to place a style on Rickie Lee Jones, and her memoir makes one understand just what makes her so unique. She had a turbulent, peripatetic childhood that finished when she ran off and took to the road at 14. It was hippie time, and she headed for California, encountering a mind-boggling array of characters, dangers, and experiences. She was truly down and out in those early years, slowly finding her voice. Jones also delves into her parents' upbringing, each traumatic in their own way and each bringing their destructive power into her life.
A turning point in music for Jones came when she discovered Laura Nyro. That revelation made a great deal of sense to me, as both certainly broke new ground, had a unique style of music and persona, neither could read music but intuitively heard the notes and wrote astonishingly new lyrics and melodies, and both were never completely understood nor embraced by the general public.
Jones can legitimately name-drop the greats of rock. Tom Waits fans will devour the stories of their time together. What is made very clear by Jones, however, is that she influenced him, and not the other way around, which has been the common wisdom. Her strange encounter with Van Morrison is tantalizing. And she so vividly describes viewing one of Jim Hendrix's last performances that the reader can begin to comprehend just how prodigious and charismatic he was as a musician. Jones sets quite a few things straight here - at least from her perspective. She is forthright about her tenacious character and strong independence, and how this has worked for her and against her throughout her fascinating life.
This is a totally absorbing memoir, not to be missed by rock music fans.