Abandoned ~32% First of all, I loved the author's other book Like a Mother. But what worked with that book was missing from this book. Like a Mother toAbandoned ~32% First of all, I loved the author's other book Like a Mother. But what worked with that book was missing from this book. Like a Mother took some really cool topics and did a deeper dive. This book has what I think are ultimately some good ideas, but they were (at least up to the point I stopped reading the book) very surface level....more
The top review (as of this writing) for this book notes that this is not a book about nonmonogamy because the main relationship in the book (Kranntz aThe top review (as of this writing) for this book notes that this is not a book about nonmonogamy because the main relationship in the book (Kranntz and "Adam's") does not have a nonmonogamy problem--nonmonogamy is the scapegoat for all these other problems. I have an issue with this assertion.
First, it's a No True Scotsman Fallacy. This isn't "real" polyamory because the man was abusive therefore they didn't practice it right. Much like some Christians who say that others aren't "real" Christians because they are judgmental, homophobic, what-have-you. Much of the time I feel like this attitude is a way for you to not have to think critically about your own in group.
Second, the author even says in the book, should I be writing about this when her partner doesn't come across great. The answer is yes, and her friend responds as such: "Our having to be in perfect relationships in order to be respected is its own cage.” This is such an important idea. It brings me back to women in domestic abuse situations where because they aren't the "perfect" victim, they never bring forward the abuse. This needs to stop. And speaking of abuse....
Third, if I were theoretically interested in the polyam community more than academically (I am happily monogamous in my own marriage), I would WANT to know how people could twist the ideas around to try to manipulate others and get what they want. This book is a masterclass on gaslighting abuse, not the least of why because the author brought in relationship experts to discuss the various abusive tactics that Adam uses over the course of the book in the footnotes.
This book was so well written and fascinating to read. ...more
As others have noted, it is super repetitive, but I think that makes sense in case of parents who are skipping around. Will re-visit rating in awhile As others have noted, it is super repetitive, but I think that makes sense in case of parents who are skipping around. Will re-visit rating in awhile if the stuff doesn't hold up for our newborn, but so far the practical parts are solid....more
I didn't absorb for the long term nearly as much as I wanted to, but this was fascinating. I didn't absorb for the long term nearly as much as I wanted to, but this was fascinating. ...more
Not a perfect book (I think the first half was much better than the second half), but solid and engaging. Definitely got me thinking about the pervasiNot a perfect book (I think the first half was much better than the second half), but solid and engaging. Definitely got me thinking about the pervasiveness of cult-ish language, and how it's used to manipulate. I will keep reading books by Amanda Montell. This and Word-slut were both excellent....more
Really fascinating read - I'll be ruminating on the thesis statement and definitely learned some really interesting stuff.Really fascinating read - I'll be ruminating on the thesis statement and definitely learned some really interesting stuff....more
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