“It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you aren’t ever going to be loved the way you want to be loved.”
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I knew I4.5 Stars
Overview:
“It’s hard to come to terms with the fact that you aren’t ever going to be loved the way you want to be loved.”
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I knew I would love this book.
I don’t know why. This book is so far out of my usual comfort-zone it’s ridiculous. I never read NA. Usually my cynical brain gets bored half-way through a romance.
But somehow I gravitated towards this title, and wished for it on Netgalley late one night. So imagine my surprise when my wish was granted—four years after the publication date? Thanks to Amy Harmon for the opportunity!
Pros:
“How did you know I needed you?” “Because I needed you.”
If you listen real carefully, I’m pretty sure you can still hear little shards of my heart bouncing on the floor somewhere.
This feels so genuine. It’s sad. It made me cry (a lot) but it didn’t feel manipulative. It wasn’t some contrived plot I was supposed to feel sad about.
Every character was developed and interesting, so I FELT for them.
The writing is just gorgeous. Harmon has a mastery over words and I will definitely be reading more of her books. Overall, it flowed very quickly and I was completely engrossed. I really didn’t want to put this down, and I’ve been thinking about it ever since I finished.
I went into this very blind. (I didn’t even read all the blurb, tbh) Because of that, I really never knew where the plot was going. I had ideas and suspicious, but the way everything played out was interesting.
Even the side characters are interesting and feel genuine. Everyone’s family was different and impactful, and I love the way it all came together.
Fern and Amrbose were beautiful. They woke up my cold-cynical heart and I was so invested. I just wanted them to be happy. Their healing was gradual and precious and I literally don’t know why I loved it so much, but I did. (Even if there were a few points where I thought it might be a bit much, I still loved them.)
“Caring about someone doesn’t [always] mean taking care of them.”
^This ^Part ^Killed ^Me
It’s smart. It’s realistic. It fits her development and his. It’s overall just a really good mentality and not one I ever see.
I knew this was going to be sad. From the prologue you get an idea and spend half the time preparing yourself. But then it all plays out in a completely different and devastating way.
Cons:
My heart says five stars, but my brain had a few little issues.
Mainly, that as much as I loved Fern and Ambrose’s relationship, I wanted more focus on Fern herself. It seemed like Amrbose had a fully formed arc, but Fern’s mostly revolved around him. She was a very interesting character, but I wish there’d been more focus on what she plans outside her relationships. Does she want to school? Leave Hannah Lake? Work at the grocery store forever?
Other than that, my other issue was:
“Fern doesn’t have a clue how pretty she is. That makes her priceless.”
“And because she was unaware, she became more appealing still.”
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Why? Why is Fern more beautiful simply because she’s unaware of it? Why does her lack of confidence make her more desirable?? Was Ambrose less desirable when he was aware of his good-looks? Because the story certainly doesn’t indicate that.
I dislike this ideal that women need to just look beautiful effortlessly and act blissfully unaware. I'm not saying every character needs fantastic self-confidence, and this wouldn't have made sense for Fern's character. But why romanticize a lack of self-esteem??
“That's the problem. We let people say stuff, and they say it so much that it becomes okay to them and normal for us. What's the point of ha
5 Stars
“That's the problem. We let people say stuff, and they say it so much that it becomes okay to them and normal for us. What's the point of having a voice if you're gonna be silent in those moments you shouldn't be?”
Okay, okay… I know I’m painfully late reading this. I know I should have listened to the glowing reviews and picked this up a long time ago… but I was a little hesitant. As I mentioned in my review for Moxie, I think writing a book about a social/political movement is very tricky. Sometimes the characters can get lost in the shuffle—or even worse, come across as weak stereotypes designed to push the primary message. I was completely, utterly wrong.
I’ve never read a book with so many well-rounded, compelling characters. The Carter family would make me laugh one moment and completely sob the next. Thomas’ writing style pours so much heart into the characters… it’s almost impossible not to fall in love with them. Everything from their inside jokes, the worldbuilding, to the use of description was grounded in a sense of realism that was truly astounding.
Instead of the social movement guiding the characters, the character’s guide us through some truly important discussions. Seriously. This book holds no punches as it grapples with institutionalized racism, the power of one’s voice, grief, friendship, and so much more. As a white woman, I know there’s plenty I will never fully understand. All I can say is that this book made me confront privileges I’d never even realized.
I lack the words, so I’m just going to leave some amazing quotes:
“I can't change where I come from or what I've been through, so why should I be ashamed of what makes me, me?”
“It's dope to be black until it's hard to be black.”
“To every kid in Georgetown and in all “the Gardens” of the world: your voices matter, your dreams matter, your lives matter. Be roses that grow in the concrete.”
“Brave doesn't mean you're not scared. It means you go on even though you're scared.”
In Conclusion:
This book is a masterpiece—beautifully written, delightful characters, but above all it’s important. Go into it with an open mind and open heart. ...more
Bumping my rating up because I forgot how great the discussion of chronic illness is here. Honestly some of the best representation I4.5 Stars
Re-read:
Bumping my rating up because I forgot how great the discussion of chronic illness is here. Honestly some of the best representation I've seen.
"It isn’t easy and it isn’t very enjoyable but this is what I’ve got to live with. This is who I am, and I don’t think I’m insane. I don’t think I should be locked up and I don’t think I need to be cured of it for my life to be good."
Otherwise I pretty much stand by my original review:
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4 Stars
Original Review:
“I swear, you would play the coquette with a well-upholstered sofa.”
"First, I would not. And second, how handsome is this sofa?”
Hey look, historical fiction that isn’t all pain, bloodshed and boring people! (Also not just old white men!)
Taking place in the early 1700s, Mackenzi Lee's latest focuses on Henry Montague (or Monty) and his parent's last ditch attempt to 'tame' him. Monty sets off on his coming-of-age tour of Europe with his sister (Felicity) and his best friend (Percy). They get detoured by highwaymen and end up in a scheme involving Alchemists and the French Aristocracy in a plot that rivals any adventure flick. But also a lot of introspection, as Monty struggles with finding his place and dealing with his massive crush on Percy.
Pros:
This is just so much fun. The story is bizarre and different, and takes you to several different lands as everything slowly starts to come together. It’s all a bit of roller-coaster ride, but really engrossing and hard to put down.
It’s simultaneously hilarious and heartbreaking? Like in one scene we have Monty calling a horse a leggy sausage then the next we have someone discussing the ramifications of chronic illness. Both the serious and silly topics are handled well.
Especially the discussion of sexuality. Like damn. At one point Felicity and Monty sit down and discuss his penchant for attractive men and the whole discussion blew me away. It fits perfectly into the historical context, so they both really lack language we have now—like orientation and sexuality. But despite matching their characters and the time-period, everything they discuss feels so relevant.
This is so tropey but does it so well. I will never tire of the mutual-pining and oh-no-we-have-to-share-a-bed tropes and I won’t even apologize for it.
I want to be Felicity when I grow up. She’s seriously such a strong character and I love her. We discover half-way through the book that she’s interested in medicine, though it’s not ‘appropriate’ for women at the time. She has a really sharp wit about her and her functioning as the group’s quasi-doctor was an incredibly fun touch. ”Ladies haven’t the luxury of being squeamish about blood.”
Other wonderful things this book contains • Bisexual representation • A man running naked through Versailles • Prominent gay POC • A baby referred to as “The Goblin” • Epilepsy representation • Privateers turned pirates • A minor-fantasy-sci-fi-sorta element
Al of these elements are told through a very strong narrative. Not only does the writing reflect the voice very well, but it accurately sets the historical tone without coming across dry or boring.
Cons
Coming in at 525+ pages, I couldn’t help but feel this was just too long. As much as I enjoyed the wacky adventures and how it all unfolds, this takes a good 20% to get going, and then the real plot only kicks in around 40%.
Overall, the writing is excellent but there were several paragraphs and sentences that could have been more concise, especially towards the end. There also was a pattern of repeating words that just felt really clunky. Examples:
“No one but me had had to see her to realize…” “We’re breathing so hard it seems a miracle that that alone doesn’t give us away.”
I think I expected a little more for Monty's character development? It's certainly there-- in bits and pieces that rush together at the end. As much as we are told he's changed, I don't feel we were properly shown. Though he has lovable traits, he still seems incredible selfish, and I'm not certain why they put up with him at times.
In Conclusion
Really fun, LGBT-themed, historical adventure. Though not without some pacing and structure issues....more
“She wasn't interested in telling other people's futures. She was interested in going out an
(Original review below; re-read RTC!)
4 Stars
Overview:
“She wasn't interested in telling other people's futures. She was interested in going out and finding her own.”
I FINALLY READ IT, OKAY.
I’m pretty sure this was recommended to me no less than 2,347 times, and it’s been all over my Goodreads and Tumblr feeds for what feels like forever. So I’m a little late to the party, but SO glad I started this series
Pros:
Most of my thoughts about this can be summed up by the Adam Parrish wiki:
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Adam Parrish is a cinnamon roll who needs to be protected. His struggle with needing something of his own instead of relying on Gansey was as well-written as it was painful. He was such a dynamic character, who was allowed his flaws while still being so thoughtful and caring. He just felt real.
I JUST LOVED HIM A LOT. OKAY.
But moving on...this book is marketed horribly as a paranormal romance with Blue’s soulmate-kissing-dilemma the primary focus. And it’s just… not? It felt more like an atmospheric, character-driven story more than anything else. The soulmate-kissing-dilemma was there, but this was not a romance.
Adam (<3), Ronan, and Gansey were all very strong, complex characters. Their motivations are clearly illustrated without being trite and I just loved all their interactions. I understand the hype now, I really do.
Though Blue seems to struggle with being ‘sensible’ in a very eccentric family, this didn’t come off as cliché. She instead seemed a strong, smart and fun character, who's maybe a little more curious than she ought to be.
For a book called the ‘The Raven Boys’ I wasn’t expecting there to be such a plethora of eccentric, strong women. I loved the family dynamic in Blue’s household, and it was pretty hilarious at times.
This plot is so creative. I struggled with understanding bits and pieces, and I’m not sure the whole ley-line thing is my favorite, but it was certainly different. There also are several brilliant twists on popular clichés (Like Blue and Gansey not falling at each-others feet).
Cons
I understand Noah’s role in this, but he paled in comparison to the other characters? Like I just don’t really understand who he is supposed to be or what he wants. He seemed more like a plot device than an actual character.
I’m still super hella confused by this plot at the end, and I think it might be somewhat related to some pacing issues. The first half of this is suppppppppeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrr slow. In a way, it works, because it creates a wonderful atmosphere and fully establishes the characters, but when compared to how the climax is literally just a ton of stuff going down in the last ten pages… it felt a bit much.
In Conclusion
I'm confused by some of the plot, but I already love all these characters....more
“Monsters, monsters, big and small, "They're gonna come and eat you all.
So, I totally wasn’t expecting to love this so much?? I’ve read Schw5 Stars
“Monsters, monsters, big and small, "They're gonna come and eat you all.
So, I totally wasn’t expecting to love this so much?? I’ve read Schwab’s A Darker Shade of Magic series, and then everything I’d seen suggested this wasn’t as good. But I enjoyed it so much more?? (Sacrilege! I know. I know.)
Something about this dark, egregious atmosphere clawed it’s way into my cold, dead heart. Taking place in an alternate US where the states reconstructed after Vietnam, the story had the potential to feel like so many other YA dystopias. But this transcends so much of the cluttered drama? The idea that violence breeds more violence in the form of monstrous creatures is so much more mature and philosophical than “society wants me to be the same!!1! BUt we are all different!!”
(And yes. I’m aware I just said monsters were mature. )
This book could so easily have spouted a ‘violence is bad. Don’t do it’ it message-- instead this is filled with morally ambiguous characters. Sweet, sensitive August literally has to eat souls to survive and despite his penchant for humanity-- he’s not part of it. But in a world where humans are happy to slaughter each other… should he really be striving for humanity anyway? Instead of a simple misplaced-paranormal creature element, this raises much deeper ethical questions. And there isn’t a simple right answer. It’s not an easy "I’ll feed off animals and be a good vampire" solution, but a struggle for him to find something he can live with.
Now let me tell y’all about my girl Kate. My aesthetic is blondes with switchblades. The complete antithesis to August, her father leads the North City with no tolerance for weakness. Kate is so desperate to find her place in her father’s city and feel at home, that she’s been systematically trying to get rid of her own humanity. (Homegirl doesn't seem to realize her quest to belong probably counts as being human.) She’s not a good person, but she is relatable. It’s hard to support all of her actions, but her development felt organic and I just loved her.
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In addition to a setting I loved and characters I loved-- I loved this plot.
Once again, this had the potential to fall back on tropes but instead subverts them and remains unpredictable. Without spoiling, Kate notices August’s weird behavior and trusts her instincts. Please give me more YA heroines who don’t shrug off sketchy behavior. But also, there’s no romance. It would have been so easy for Schwab to go that road, but their individual stories and friendship are enough.
I understand the complaints however, and completely acknowledge that parts of this are gimmicky. For instance, August’s tally-mark tattoos appear each day he doesn't go "dark." It seemed counterproductive of everything the Sunai are?? Aren’t they supposed to want to go dark?? Why would their bodies be like “good job here’s your sticker for the day” when they don’t? Honestly, I'd have preferred August keeping track of the days himself or the compound or something.
But the gimmicks were few and completely overshadowed by all the brilliant things? Including Queen Schwab’s mastery with words. It’s just perfect? How does she do it??
“We're not words, Henry, we're people. Words are how others define us, but we can define ourselves any way we choose.”
Dude, that ending m 4 Stars
“We're not words, Henry, we're people. Words are how others define us, but we can define ourselves any way we choose.”
Dude, that ending messed me up.
Our story revolves around Henry, a teenager with what can only be described as a shitty home life.
So when Henry is given the option of letting the world end, or saving it at the press of a button-- he hesitates.
And the rest of what follows was a glorious expedition of character development, philosophy and profoundly unsettling questions.
Every character was purposeful. Everyone was developed. Every. One. Henry’s jerktastic brother, Charlie. Their grandmother. Charlie’s pregnant girlfriend, Zooey. The school bully, Marcus. Audrey. Deigo. All of the character’s were allowed faults and insecurities, in addition to their personality quirks. They all feel real.
The plot tries to take a look at some harsh realities and holds no punches. There are some really heavy, painful subjects addressed, including: depression, suicide, abuse and homophobia. All this weight had the potential to sink the story, but it’s handled in nuanced ways framed by the complicated characters. Instead, the plot goes along with Henry’s nihilistic and confused outlook, further complicating the moral dilemma.
I also appreciated how this isn’t a case of love-fixes-everything. Diego is an important part of the plot, and a developed character, but meeting him isn’t necessarily what fundamentally changes Henry’s world, like the blurb suggests. Instead, Henry has to determine his own world-view and make his own decision about the save-the-world-button.
Overall, I really enjoyed this and thought it was expertly crafted. I had a few problems with some pacing, and certain points I felt a little redundant-- just teetering this side of melodrama. But this is a really special story, and I don’t know I’ve ever read anything like it.
“The universe owes you nothing, Kady. It has already given you everything, after all. It was here long before you, and it w
4 Stars
Overview: Re-Read
“The universe owes you nothing, Kady. It has already given you everything, after all. It was here long before you, and it will go on long after you.”
Ahhhh I so enjoyed this re-read. This time I listened to the audiobook (because my girl Kainat got my back!) and it was such a trip. I was completely invested in this despite reading it less than a year ago!
Pros
The audiobook is a masterpiece of audiobooks. I was worried the unique format I so-enjoyed the first time wouldn't translate well, but was happy to be wrong! The different narrators do an excellent job of differentiating between the characters and conveying emotions. The sound effects added so much and it almost felt like listening to a play.
AIDAN is so fascinating. The omnipotent AI who goes off-the-rails is always a favorite trope of mine, but it’s executed perfectly here. AIDAN is a character. He somehow has his own personality and desires that factor into his lines of code. The way he perceives others was so engrossing.
I still really appreciated the subversion of typical roles. The computer ‘nerds’ hold an extreme amount of power in this world, Ezra is more emotionally expressive than Kady, even the "villain.” They are all small but powerful twists on the typically assigned
This time around, I really fell in love withthe secondary characters! It’s interesting how well the differing personalities were conveyed through video-surveillance summaries and emails. (Jimmy is still my favorite)
There's a really philosophical undertone that works very well? There's tons of adventure, snark, violence and literal zombies-- but asks some big questions.
Cons:
Most of what I didn’t like about this was a spoiler, so…
(If you’ve read this, remember that ‘twist’ that gets un-twisted at the very end? That. I don’t like that.)
As much as I enjoyed Ezra and Kady’s relationship, they got a little too sappy for my taste. There was some swoon-worthy lines, but at points it felt detracting from the actual story.
Similarly, there were a few places where things seemed overstated. Best examples would be drawing out certain character's deaths and Kady's diary recapping so much. To me, it seemed these emotions were already conveyed, so it was a bit much.
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