My takeaways: -PCT is dangerous. -It's hard to find people who go missing there. -I do not want my loved ones to waste their lives away looking for my reMy takeaways: -PCT is dangerous. -It's hard to find people who go missing there. -I do not want my loved ones to waste their lives away looking for my remains if I go missing in the wilderness. I'm totally on board with Lankford's perspective: take some time to get it out of your system, but after that point (a year, in her case), move on. I think the most heartbreaking thing to read was one person saying: I can't take any trips, I might get that call.
Caveat: if there's a strong suspicion I was murdered. In which case, still, don't waste your life - but maybe use some of my estate to hire someone else to spend their time looking.
This also made something click for me: people will insert themselves into a situation or assume knowledge they don't have in order to feel a sense of importance or belonging. It's something I've known, but it took this to make it click. We all want to have the answers and solve the problem, but this is something to be aware of whenever asking for help with a need... some people may genuinely want to help, but not all are qualified to help. ...more
I enjoyed it. I didn't set super high expectations on what this had to be, so I didn't have much to be disappointed about in the lack of in-depth coveI enjoyed it. I didn't set super high expectations on what this had to be, so I didn't have much to be disappointed about in the lack of in-depth coverage of the journey. It is surprising how well he did for how ill prepared he was.
I appreciate that he wrestles with questions about his faith and has that conversation, though I don't know that there's any clear answer by the end (but, should there be?) - it seems like he does a good sum up of his beliefs in his memoir of traveling with his mom.
I'm not sure I felt like I walked away with a clear understanding of his own conclusions on living a life with no regret, but again, I did enjoy the adventure and the story. I particularly appreciated the story of Pizarro and Atahuallpa and the conquest of the Incan empire - interestingly, it overlapped with a segment of Tad William's Otherland in which a VR world is created in which the Incans were not overwhelmed by the Spaniards... Annnnd watching a youtube channel where the vlogger is traveling through this area of the world currently as well. It is weird how things suddenly converge and overlap in my reading/watching.
I understand the instagram was pretty good, so I'll go check that out and see if I can catch up on the visuals of his trip....more
I got a lot out of it, but I can see there's a lot of conflicting information in the reviews below. I felt it was an improvement over the last boundaryI got a lot out of it, but I can see there's a lot of conflicting information in the reviews below. I felt it was an improvement over the last boundary book I read... she (Tawwab) recommends another boundary book within this one that I'll take a look at.
I felt that, for me, the shift in perspective from resentment and frustration to looking for areas where I can be accountable and proactive in protecting my space, peace and sanity with kindness was a good one. So I personally find it a good read with good information, but can also respect the views of others in the negative messaging/subtext to be careful of....more
I noticed other reviewers point out that the book idea, cover, and much of the content is "inspired" (their perspective: copied) from Nedra Glover TawI noticed other reviewers point out that the book idea, cover, and much of the content is "inspired" (their perspective: copied) from Nedra Glover Tawwab’s, “Set Boundaries, Find Peace" book.
I ended up additionally picking up Tawwab's book and am now reading it after reading this one, so I appreciate this criticism, as it led me to additional resources.
This one, I also really liked. My overall take away is that Urban's book is conversational and relates her own story in context that may make it more relatable for readers (particularly women). Tawwab's feels more general and informational - but also good. I like them both, for different reasons. I appreciated Urban's account of how and why she sets boundaries for herself, and her offered scripts. I appreciated it as an entry point and recommended it - along with Tawwab's book - to a couple friends....more
This book seems best for fans of Britney who want to know the behind-the-scenes story. It was interesting - and sad - to hear about her experience witThis book seems best for fans of Britney who want to know the behind-the-scenes story. It was interesting - and sad - to hear about her experience with the conservatorship and family. It seems clear that their intent was to preserve their assets, not for the well-being of their family member.
I made my own judgements on her decision making throughout the book, but that is neither here nor there in my rating... It's a 4 because I think it's good she was able to tell her story, and a 2 because her writing team did a crappy job putting it together, editing, maintaining a cohesive, coherent narrative, and portraying her. So we land at 3 overall. ...more
I had no idea who Viola Davis was, so when people started recommending this, I had to go look her up. I'm glad to havAudiobook narrated by the author.
I had no idea who Viola Davis was, so when people started recommending this, I had to go look her up. I'm glad to have the context of her personal story and the characters she has played, so it will affect my perspective when I experience the movies and shows she has performed in.
Her story is harrowing and not for the faint of heart, but such a good listen. I was hooked at the first couple sentences....more
I give it 4 stars for being concise and to the point, and for tackling issues that I think are worth a small crusade: the myth that productivity and aI give it 4 stars for being concise and to the point, and for tackling issues that I think are worth a small crusade: the myth that productivity and a "tidy house" are what give us (in particular, women) value as human beings (as are being skinny, wealthy, etc.), and promoting the idea of being kind to your future self. I also liked that she referred to housework and self-care as "care tasks" and discussed the psychological weight of this. I loved that she focused heavily on debunking the myth of "lazy." I've recommended it to a few friends, because give or take a couple criticisms, I think it's a good message.
One/two suggestions for a future edition: Because this book is pointed towards neurodiverse people, I would remove the "I put my hands on either side of your face and look deeply into your eyes" segment. The message was good, the delivery was very uncomfortable. I'd also get rid of the "dear heart" or "love" or any other sentimental endearments (there aren't many, but they stand out). I'm sure that (like the "I put my hands on your face" part) it was meant sincerely and with love to her readers, but it hit a discordant note and didn't flow (my inner Gen X child: "You don't know me!" lol)....more
This is also a super short listen - 1 hour or so - and excellent. It brought me a bit low, because it makes excellent points that hit hard on some rawThis is also a super short listen - 1 hour or so - and excellent. It brought me a bit low, because it makes excellent points that hit hard on some raw spots - but I am so glad I listened to it....more
This was a beautiful tribute to the loss of her father, and an excellent book on the experience of grieving. Listening to this, I felt like I was grieThis was a beautiful tribute to the loss of her father, and an excellent book on the experience of grieving. Listening to this, I felt like I was grieving her father along with her - he was clearly a wonderful, loving man and left a beautiful legacy....more
I loved this. It was so well done and a super short (47 min?) listen. I loved listening to her narrate and I loved what she had to say - and how she sI loved this. It was so well done and a super short (47 min?) listen. I loved listening to her narrate and I loved what she had to say - and how she said it!...more
I mostly enjoyed it- there were a couple take-aways there, but I wouldn't say it was a favorite. After seeing the documentary, "Still" I would say it I mostly enjoyed it- there were a couple take-aways there, but I wouldn't say it was a favorite. After seeing the documentary, "Still" I would say it is better fleshed out - instead of hearing him talk about his career, the documentary shows it - so I reconnected to the Michael J. Fox I watched when I was a teen (I missed most of his later career, so there was a bit of a disconnect there). In the documentary, as well, you see him, his family, and moments where he is narrating parts of the book and get a glimpse into what it took for him to make it. So, I recommend it as a companion to the documentary, I think.
Back to the book - there's one bit in there where he's talking about his wife and getting choked up that was pretty sweet. ...more
I felt like there were some good, thought provoking insights. There are some pieces I'd like to go back to and think about further.
I appreciated what I felt like there were some good, thought provoking insights. There are some pieces I'd like to go back to and think about further.
I appreciated what he had to say about shame and self-hatred, as well as the question of "what need is behind this?" In particular, when we do things ourselves that we want to change: what need are we trying to meet.
Did not resonate with me: the personal examples of students & Marshall's interactions felt a bit like an old fashioned pitch for the program rather than informational examples on how to use the concepts. That I have the book in hand suggests I do not need the program pitched to me - if it is good, I will explore further. I feel that it is a detractor.
The audio rendition of the woman faced with sexual assault was almost angering in its attempt to "voice act" her fear. There was also a lack of clarification (or perhaps I missed it) afterwards that this response is not going to apply to everyone and every situation.
There are many good highlights from the book in other reviews. It was a quick listen.
Dense - it took me a while to churn through the book and I think I'd have preferred to have it in paper in front of me so I could bookmark and highligDense - it took me a while to churn through the book and I think I'd have preferred to have it in paper in front of me so I could bookmark and highlight what I liked (I'm a visual person...).
It would be five stars for me, except:
1. There's a strong bias against the "fight" subtype of the 4F's. This type is at points vilified as borderline personality disorder, narcissistic personality disorder and, if a strong case, incurable.
Reading that the author was abused by narcissistic parents, this is understandable bias, but this trickles into his writing and creates an imbalance and shame around the "fight" type with empathy towards the other three. In his own practice, he weeds narcissists out, which seems like a totally rational and sensible boundary - but may also make this a weak spot in his ability to help "fight" type readers and/or providers who are dealing with them. Some may be "incurable," but some may need a therapist who calls out the bullshit and doesn't give them an endless platform while still addressing the insecurity and loneliness (and, if you are a "fight" type and concerned about narcissism, you may need to ask your therapist up front to call out your bullshit and help you find balance).
Because this book is supposed to cover all 4F's (Fight, Flight, Freeze, Fawn) I do feel that he needed support in the "fight" corner of the writing. I grew up fight/freeze subtype, and I try hard to be aware of myself and my impact on others as an adult. It is not constructive for me, personally, to take an approach of getting angry (as advised in the book towards "inner critic" or past caregivers). In my history, anger and rumination were a misguided attempt to wrest back power and control from a deep sense of helplessness. For me, it is healthier to dismantle it completely, examine where it is not working for myself or others around me, address that helplessness and sense of disempowerment, then re-learn where anger can be appropriate, healthy and constructive. So... no "angering" for me. Same with "verbal ventilation" - as it often is just reinforcing a narrative (often one in which the teller is the victim). I feel that has to be deconstructed first and a structure made later for healthy expression. Those are things that may need more particular care with "fight" types that do lean towards narcissism.
2. There's a vibe of demonizing parents/caregivers and/or cutting ties without acknowledging generational trauma (bar a blip about not forcing forgiveness - which I did really like). It read as very weighted towards the "severe neglect" end of the spectrum.
I may have missed acknowledgement of a range of experiences and family toxicity.... it seemed to be missing information for people who are still connected to their family members who also have CPTSD. I do think it is a solid plan to disconnect, get distance and get a sense of the real situation with some objective help, though, so I'm in alignment with him there. Regardless of where anyone lands on that spectrum, developing a solid sense of self and boundaries (and a strong support system!) cannot hurt before even attempting to re-engage with traumatized parents/caregivers.
Those two issues aside, there's a LOT in this book to takeaway. As with anything self-help, it is a "take what works, discard what doesn't" sort of experience; I can acknowledge what does not work for me in this while also saying there was a bunch of great, useful, relevant, helpful information. I liked that he tied back to attachment issues - looking at attachment style information may be a lighter place to start before digging into this. ...more
The author does a beautiful job of narrating her own book. I really enjoyed her performance and the book is beautifully written. I can't do it any sorThe author does a beautiful job of narrating her own book. I really enjoyed her performance and the book is beautifully written. I can't do it any sort of justice in my review.
I also enjoyed her storytelling, candor, and emotional intelligence. She does not shield readers from the experience of trying to survive cancer, or herself from the toll it takes on all around the person who is sick. My mother survived cancer when I was a teenager and I am amazed at how much I compartmentalized that experience. There are a few moments - snapshots, and everything else is put away and locked up except the expectation that I will also have to go through this at some point. I am not prepared for it.
What felt personally relevant is that we all experience life derailment at some point where we're thrown off the path we expect to be on. The derailments may vary in magnitude, but in many cases, perspective shifts over to "survive this." What comes after that ... doesn't matter. There's no space for "later" in the frame. I appreciated all she had to say about that piece of her journey. I think that we are all - to some level - experiencing this globally after 2020 derailed everyone and many are still in the thick of it (or have rolled in to a series of new crises on the tail of Covid crises).
I read the Oprah/Bruce Perry book and really liked it, and in discussing it at work, discovered one of the people in the room had worked with Dr. PerrI read the Oprah/Bruce Perry book and really liked it, and in discussing it at work, discovered one of the people in the room had worked with Dr. Perry and strongly recommended this book. I feel that it was well worth the read for someone like myself, who is very interested in the impact of trauma, abuse and hardship on adult behavior (or, conversely, looking at adult behavior and sussing out an understanding of root causes).
In a recent criminology class, there was a discussion on the enormous cost benefits of early intervention in crime prevention. While one would hope the reasons for reading this book are more altruistic than "spend less tax dollars," it is still something worth considering and an obvious key point in his work.
However, hopefully the more immediate takeaway is to build a better general understanding of child development and how children process trauma/neglect/abuse. Understanding the impact of neglect and abuse on mental health and brain development can offer insight into behavioral issues in children and adults. This may generate more compassion and less stigmatization of people. He makes such a strong point in that you cannot punish someone into being a loving and compassionate person (he makes a lot of strong points - I'm really underselling this book in this review).
The cases he discusses are difficult to hear - all of them deal with trauma and abuse and some of this is graphic and deeply disturbing, so it's good to be forewarned. There are some kvetchings about him being "full of himself" or exhibiting "white savior" complex. I can see where - if the book was written in part to validate his work and he's trying to quantify the impact of it - it can come across that way. I felt I saw him own up to a lot of mistakes made in his own process of learning to be a better therapist, and his horror at the unintended consequences of some of his work (example: a therapist citing his work as validation to commit abuse on his patients). So I while there may have been a blip or two of it, I didn't really feel it stood out to me or grated.
I would say that there's discussion about autism earlier in the book that could use an update. I would change "normal" to "neurotypical" and adjust some of the language there, as it felt out of tune with current language and understanding of Autism. He does discuss Autism later in the text and seems to be a bit more nuanced there? But that one segment jumped out and grated at me. It's not to say that other parts of the book are perfect, but this one piece caught my attention. ...more
The narration of the audiobook sounded like a chipper Christian Slater reading a Dale Carnegie book.
Some pieces of "advice" jumped out at me and wereThe narration of the audiobook sounded like a chipper Christian Slater reading a Dale Carnegie book.
Some pieces of "advice" jumped out at me and were jarringly simplistic and dismissive. The first big one was a statement to the effect of: if you had these healthy coping habits in place, you wouldn't be depressed in the first place. Huh. It sounds like you just blamed people for their depression and anxiety because they're not doing the usual checklist of stuff.
There was another segment where the author says that when he's worrying about something or anxious, he asks, "IS that something to worry about? No?" and then is able to let it go and continue on chopping his vegetables. I mean, that's great for him, but kind of cutesy.
I shut the book off, because I realized I was actually gritting my teeth after that point and that did not feel healthy. So, my healthy coping mechanism take-away: don't listen to self-help books that aren't actually helping you. They might help others, but if they're not helping you -move on. ...more
This was beautiful and at the same time as raw as road rash. Not a skinned knee, but a full blown "You're fucked" motorcycle wreck on asphalt. There i This was beautiful and at the same time as raw as road rash. Not a skinned knee, but a full blown "You're fucked" motorcycle wreck on asphalt. There is no way to get through this book without taking on pieces of painful debris from her experience. It is one of the few books I've read and felt my world shift out of sync - like waking up from a dark dream that lingers with you all day and leaves you feeling strange and not quite in your normal self.
This makes it sound like the book was terrible, but it is - again - achingly beautiful. It is a visceral love letter to her mother and also the culture (and particularly the food) that was a connection point for their relationship. I feel that if her intention was to honor her mother, then this has likely created a ripple effect of readers also honoring her by going out to try - or revisit, or come home to - Korean food.
It is a must-listen in audio. She narrates the book herself.
On a side note - I had never heard of the band Japanese Breakfast. I looked it up and found I like it - though it was surreal to put the voice and story together with the music. So, I'm doubly glad I read it....more
This was a beautiful, short book with a realist's view of the platitudes and inspirational nonsense that gets dished out in lieu of actually confrontiThis was a beautiful, short book with a realist's view of the platitudes and inspirational nonsense that gets dished out in lieu of actually confronting and dealing with the reality that sometimes bad things happen and there is no "inspiration porn" to be made of it.
I watched a health insurance sponsored webinar on handling stress the other day, and ground enamel off my teeth listening to the presenter vomit up platitudes and unrealistic "tips" for managing stress. Listening to this book was comforting - I'm not the only one feeling like holes need to be cut in the pink saranwrap wrapped around our heads. Probably my next read should be on toxic positivity so I can drain a bit more of the venom off, there.
Anyway... I appreciated her insight, her questions, her anger, her humor, the way she handled herself and especially some of her responses to the doctors. I feel like this goes on the shelf next to "When Breath Becomes Air" for "perspective."...more
Sherman needs a children's book written about him. McDougall did a great job of connecting readers with the animals' personalities. I could read a whoSherman needs a children's book written about him. McDougall did a great job of connecting readers with the animals' personalities. I could read a whole offshoot book about the goats...
I really enjoyed this book and found it pretty entertaining all the way through. Kept me mentally occupied for several hours of bike riding. He's an engaging storyteller and fun to listen to.
Really recommend it if you enjoyed Born to Run, or have a soft spot for donkeys (and goats!). ...more
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