Brave Face by Shaun David Hutchinson is the auto-biographical story of Sean’s coming out in the late 90s. It hit really hard for me because it was theBrave Face by Shaun David Hutchinson is the auto-biographical story of Sean’s coming out in the late 90s. It hit really hard for me because it was the exact same era, indeed the exact same year I came out (albeit in the UK not America).
Culturally it was very hostile to LGBTQ people back then. Homophobia and stereotyped or tragic depictions of queer folk was rife, AIDS and HIV were a prevalent worry, and there was almost no representation of gay characters in film, tv, or YA literature. The internet was in its infancy, and there were few to no safe space for gay teens to educate themselves or discuss their feelings. In the UK, thanks to Section 28, there was little to no LGBTQ information about sexual or mental health in schools or youth group spaces that teens could access. In the US there was Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and DOMA, which gave the message that LGBTQ people were second class citizens.
Against this cultural background Sean comes to realize he is gay. Queer is the word he uses, even before it became mainstream. He is prone to depression, as well as being a typical solipsistic, pig-headed teenager. He gets into various relationships, gay and straight, where he puts the other person’s needs above his own, because he doesn’t know who he is, or think he deserves to be happy. He worries abut how his family and friends will take the news when he comes out. He talks very thoughtfully about how the moment of coming out to family is about navigating the other person’s feelings, rather than our own.
There’s hard stuff to read about: depression, cutting, self-harm, self-loathing, internalised homophobia, external incidents of homophobia, suicidal ideation, attempted suicide. Unfortunately, a lot of it felt relatable to me from that time, and the first line hits hard on that level too. But there’s also humour, hope, and beautiful things (pun intended) in the writing and characters.
For much of the book, and even when he’s comes out to close friends, Sean is still in the closet in other spaces, and he feels he has to keep that part of himself secret again and again. The dissonance of this dynamic is one of the things the book captures best. How internally damaging it is to our body and mind to be hiding our true-self, wearing masks and living a double life in multiple situations. How it makes you feel a constant outsider, and the disassociation and depression that causes, or exacerbates in Sean’s case. How it pits you against the arbitrary rules of society, set, not by love or compassion, but by consensus opinion.
It really captures the experience of coming out / gay awakening on an internal feelings level too - the move from denial to self-loathing, to ok-ness, to acceptance and self-love and integration. That long period of living with the truth internally, but hiding it outside.
To me this journey often feels missing in contemporary cheery queer lit, where this closeted self-loathing is only ever dwelt on briefly, where the MC is able to integrate everything internally very quickly in coming out, and all the characters are either gay, allies or accepting really quickly.
In conclusion, a beautiful, honest, heart-on the-sleeve tough read that really resonated with me....more
I just finished this thoughtful and funny slice-of-life Middle Grade Story by my friend @meiradrazin. It’s US published by @scholastic About two bestiI just finished this thoughtful and funny slice-of-life Middle Grade Story by my friend @meiradrazin. It’s US published by @scholastic About two besties, Honey and Milla, going through the trials and tribulations of friendships, family, bat mitzvahs and sixth grade in an orthodox Jewish school and community. It is beautifully written and well worth a read....more
Like a cross between THE SECRET HISTORY and Paul Auster at his most Magical realist, with some gentle spoofing of Harry Potter and Narnia thrown in foLike a cross between THE SECRET HISTORY and Paul Auster at his most Magical realist, with some gentle spoofing of Harry Potter and Narnia thrown in for good measure. Quentin stumbles upon Brakebills - a magical Ivy League college - and in a bravura display of magical ability during an exam interview manages to gain a place there. Thus begins his magical career. It is a college life of boozing, swearing, sex, that quickly degenerates on the part of the MC Quentin into a feeling of over-privileged and over-educated boredom with magic and the magical world, and a never ending quest for some intangible MORE. A whole thread which seems a completely realistic take on how a rich western Ivy league kid would end up feeling about magic, maybe there's a touch of the Brett Easton Ellises about Quentin, and even during a third act swerve into surprising new territory, he never really learns much about himself. That said I didn't find him wholly unlikeable or unreliable. And the settings and ideas of the book plus his feelings about them are very drily funny and always brilliantly written. And the story itself is break necked paced and filled with spot on detail and drama....more
I didn't like it quite as much as all The Pretty Horses, the first section with the wolf is absolutely amazing but then the next few sections become mI didn't like it quite as much as all The Pretty Horses, the first section with the wolf is absolutely amazing but then the next few sections become more or a repetitive narrative with Billy returning to Mexico on various different Quixotic quest. The prose is still searingly beautiful as are the descriptions of the landscape and the way the characters tell stories and philosophise. There are also many beautiful little tales that the characters Billy meets tell to him and relate to the the quest he is on as well as the nature of life....more
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