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Megan's Reviews > The Burn Journals: A Memoir
The Burn Journals: A Memoir
by
by
This book was so messed up.
I mean, the story itself was just crazy. Brent Runyon was 14 years old when he doused himself in gasoline and lit himself on fire. I have no idea why anyone would choose such a hideous death, but Runyon had apparently attempted suicide before and was unsuccessful. He thought lighting himself on fire would do the job.
Did I mention this is nonfiction? The story was written by an adult Runyon, who survived the attempted suicide-by-fire as well. But it was written from the perspective of Runyon’s teenage self, relaying his experience recovering from the ordeal.
The most messed up part of the book wasn’t the suicide attempt, although that was a pretty strong indicator of how psychologically messed up Runyon must have been. So many things about his attitude just struck fear and disgust in me. I’ve never been a teenage boy, though I’ve been told they spend a good chunk of their time thinking about girls and sex. But the way this kid objectified women was almost chilling to me. Runyon also treated his parents like dirt and doesn’t have even the slightest sense of empathy for how his actions might affect other people. He occasionally thinks thoughts to himself that suggest he cares about the misery of others, but his actions do little to support this idea.
I definitely expected Runyon to be pretty damaged to do what he did. But I also hoped for some kind of cathartic moment in his recovery. I hoped to see him accept responsibility, or reflect honestly on what led him to want to kill himself so grotesquely. But there was none of that. His therapy sessions were maddening to read, because none of the half-dozen or so therapists that he sees throughout his recovery seems even remotely qualified to elicit any meaningful self-reflection from Runyon, let alone interested in understanding his psychology. The sessions consisted of Runyon shutting down and the therapists watching the clock count down.
The book also wasn’t well written and just left me wondering why. Why did he do it? But more importantly, since that question never really gets answered, why the hell was this book published in the first place? What was I meant to get from it?
I mean, the story itself was just crazy. Brent Runyon was 14 years old when he doused himself in gasoline and lit himself on fire. I have no idea why anyone would choose such a hideous death, but Runyon had apparently attempted suicide before and was unsuccessful. He thought lighting himself on fire would do the job.
Did I mention this is nonfiction? The story was written by an adult Runyon, who survived the attempted suicide-by-fire as well. But it was written from the perspective of Runyon’s teenage self, relaying his experience recovering from the ordeal.
The most messed up part of the book wasn’t the suicide attempt, although that was a pretty strong indicator of how psychologically messed up Runyon must have been. So many things about his attitude just struck fear and disgust in me. I’ve never been a teenage boy, though I’ve been told they spend a good chunk of their time thinking about girls and sex. But the way this kid objectified women was almost chilling to me. Runyon also treated his parents like dirt and doesn’t have even the slightest sense of empathy for how his actions might affect other people. He occasionally thinks thoughts to himself that suggest he cares about the misery of others, but his actions do little to support this idea.
I definitely expected Runyon to be pretty damaged to do what he did. But I also hoped for some kind of cathartic moment in his recovery. I hoped to see him accept responsibility, or reflect honestly on what led him to want to kill himself so grotesquely. But there was none of that. His therapy sessions were maddening to read, because none of the half-dozen or so therapists that he sees throughout his recovery seems even remotely qualified to elicit any meaningful self-reflection from Runyon, let alone interested in understanding his psychology. The sessions consisted of Runyon shutting down and the therapists watching the clock count down.
The book also wasn’t well written and just left me wondering why. Why did he do it? But more importantly, since that question never really gets answered, why the hell was this book published in the first place? What was I meant to get from it?
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