Melanie THEE Reader's Reviews > John

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John
by

Cynthia Lennon

Melanie THEE Reader's review

Apr 27, 2024

it was amazing

bookshelves: memoirs, best-of-2024

6 notes & 114 highlights

BRB gonna go follow Julian Lennon on Instagram. Full RTC.

While I've always loved The Beatles music, I wouldn't necessarily call myself a superfan, which is why I commend Cynthia Powell Lennon for even writing this book. Because one thing that I've always known is that since John Lennon's tragic death, he's been turned into a kind of deity and his fans are incredibly passionate (some would say fanatical) about him. When a public figure dies, especially when they die young, people tend to magic erase all of their flaws. A similar thing has happened with Princess Diana but that's a rant for another day. It's ok to love Lennon's music and appreciate his contributions without turning an incredibly talented yet flawed man into a saint. Cynthia could've easily turned this into some kind of burn book, but she writes about John with so much love and warmth. However, you still sense the pain underneath the surface.

"He was an extraordinary man: talented, flawed, a creative genius who sang movingly about love while often wounding those closest to him."

The first chapter of the book is Cynthia and Julian Lennon finding out about John's death. Then she takes the reader back to when she first met John, their courtship, breakups and makeups, her unexpected pregnancy, marriage, the birth of their son Julian and their eventual divorce. A lot of people treat Cynthia as if she's just a footnote in John's story, but she actually predates The Beatles! She was there when John met Paul and George and they were The Quarrymen. She was there when they eventually changed their name to The Beatles and Ringo became their drummer. John wrote many of The Beatles love songs about Cynthia. Put some respect on her name!

Cynthia would've been an incredible psychologist because she does a great job of providing context for a lot of John's shitty behavior (especially the way he treated her and Julian after their divorce). He's the epitome of hurt people hurt people. John was abandoned by his father, his mother died when he was a teenager, and he was raised primarily by his Aunt Mimi who was a real PIECE OF WORK. Not only was she controlling, but she was also very critical of anything John did and he spent his entire life trying to earn her approval. The result of growing up in this environment was that while he could be extremely loving towards Cynthia, he could also be very critical and cruel. It also makes sense as to why John would feel drawn to Yoko Ono. She was basically another version of his Aunt Mimi and he just wanted someone to make all of his decisions for him.

What truly broke my heart was John's treatment of Julian. John's father abandoned him when he was 5 and John turns around and does the same thing to Julian. While Julian would visit John sporadically through the years, they never really had a real relationship. At one point, Julian didn't see or hear from his dad for 3 YEARS, until they reconnected during John and Yoko's 18-month separation (SHOUT OUT TO MAY PANG FOR ENCOURAGING JULIAN'S VISITS, YOU'RE THE REAL MVP). Fortunately, the months before his death John was beginning to make more of an effort to reach out to him and build that father son connection. It's bittersweet because had John lived, they probably would've had a really great relationship:

"Not long before he died John gave an interview to Newsweek in which he said: ‘I hadn’t seen my first son grow up and now there’s a 17-year-old man on the phone talking about motorbikes. I was not there for his childhood at all. I was on tour. I don’t know how the game works, but there’s a price to pay for inattention to children. And if I don’t give him attention from zero to five then I’m damn well gonna have to give it to him from 16 to 20, because it’s owed, it’s like the law of the universe.’ "

I know people have STRONG feelings about Yoko Ono. Some people love her because John loved her and because she's always talking about peace. Some people straight up despise her. I do think she was used as a scapegoat for The Beatles breakup and that some of the vitriol aimed at her was because she's a WOC. I also don't think that she put John under some kind of spell to abandon his wife and child. John was a big boy who made his own choices. Yoko seemed like an inherently cold person who had difficulty connecting with people, but she wasn't a monster. I honestly think they were two incredibly broken people who latched on to each other. They were in desperate need of therapy and it's a shame that they hurt so many people in order to be together.
Even Cynthia doesn't completely blame Yoko for the breakdown of their marriage. She points to John's reliance on LSD as the first big schism between them. But personally, I think had John lived, he and Yoko would've divorced. A relationship with that much toxicity, possessiveness (not to mention codependency) and jealousy on both sides was not sustainable. Anyway, good on Cynthia for not dragging both Yoko and John by their hair when she caught Yoko wearing HER robe in HER house with HER husband. She's better than me because I would've given the guests on Jerry Springer a run for their money 🥰

Some things that stuck out to me:

John and Yoko tried to ABDUCT Yoko's daughter Kyoko!?!
John and Yoko got into a car crash in Scotland with Julian and Kyoko in the car. Cynthia had no idea her child was in Scotland!
Cynthia married 3 more times after John (Good for her) and her second husband Roberto became a consistent father figure to Julian. Even after their divorce, he kept in touch and Julian dedicated one of his albums to him.
Aunt Mimi on her deathbed saying, "I've been a wicked woman" and everyone being like "well.....yeah."
Paul being the one Beatle who kept in touch with Cynthia and Julian after the divorce because he was the only one not afraid of John's temper.
John assumed that Paul wrote "Hey Jude" about him, not about John's young son who was dealing with his parents' divorce.
John once went off on Julian when he was a teen when he giggled loudly. Cynthia said that well into Julian's adulthood, he was still uncomfortable laughing. That completely broke my heart.
I didn't know that Julian had his own successful music career, and he was even nominated for a Grammy!
Yoko plagiarizing Julian's words that he used to comfort his brother Sean after their dad's death and using it in her statement. Also leaving out Julian in that same statement.......
Cynthia and May Pang became good friends after John's death.

Overall, this was a great read. Cynthia seemed like a great person with a quiet strength, and she doesn't try to make herself come off as perfect. That's how I know she was genuine. She acknowledged that her and John weren't the best communicators, and she could've stuck up for herself a bit more. But I understand why she wanted to be that safe, calm place for him to land. I'm so glad she found real love again before she died. I hope she's resting peacefully, and I know she's proud of the man that Julian has become. Now excuse me while I watch all of Cynthia and Julian's interviews on YouTube.

I would also recommend looking up Julian's performance with Chuck Berry. It's fantastic.

CW: physical abuse, emotional abuse, drug use, parental abandonment.

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Quotes Melanie THEE Reader Liked

“Only Phyl worried about me and, with a best friend’s concern, said, ‘Cyn, you’re too good for him, he’s not right for you. I don’t trust him.’ She was afraid that John wasn’t serious and would drop me when he got bored. I wouldn’t listen: I was far too besotted with John to give him up.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“John’s temper could be frightening and at times I felt torn to pieces by him. All sense of reason disappeared and his tantrums were awesome: he would batter away at me verbally until I gave in, overwhelmed by the force of his determination. Then he was back to his usual self, apologetic and loving.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“For our first Christmas he drew a card with a picture of me in my new shaggy coat, standing opposite him, our heads together, his hand on my arm. It was covered with kisses and hearts and he wrote, ‘Our first Christmas, I love you, yes, yes yes.’ A few years later he used the same idea in one of the Beatles’ first hits, ‘She loves you, yeah, yeah, yeah’.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“John couldn’t stand conflict or confrontation and his reaction was invariably to escape. It was in stark contradiction to his often aggressive manner, but in fact he was only confrontational when he had been drinking. He was often cutting and critical, but mostly he went out of his way to avoid direct conflict.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“It struck me early on that John had developed his hard outer shell – the cynicism, cruel wit, aggression and possessiveness – to deal with his painful childhood and the deep insecurity that had resulted from it.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“By the time I got to know Paul, he and John had formed a close partnership. They had agreed that any songs they wrote, together or separately, would be by Lennon and McCartney. It was as though, even then, they had a strong sense that their success depended on the connection between them.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Alf called John into the room and asked him to choose between his parents. John, faced with a heart-breaking decision no five-year-old should ever have to make, chose his father. In tears, Julia agreed to let him go. But as she left John jumped up, sobbing, and ran after her. She took him back to Liverpool and that was the last John saw or heard of his father for many years.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“John grew up bouncing between these two very different women: Mimi, the firm ‘mother’, and Julia, the more playful ‘aunt’. With Mimi he was expected to be neatly groomed, dutiful and obedient. With Julia he could laugh, play and fool around.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“The family dealt with pain by keeping it under wraps. If a subject was difficult, it was not aired. It was an attitude that hurt John, but which he often adopted as an adult. During and after our marriage I discovered that he had an astonishing ability to ignore anything that distressed him.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Most descriptions of Mimi that have appeared in print were based on interviews with her – she outlived John by eleven years. She loved to fuel the image of the stern but loving aunt who provided the secure backdrop to John’s success. But that wasn’t the Mimi I knew. She battered away at John’s self-confidence and left him angry and hurt.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“John exuded pent-up energy and sexuality, strutting and pacing the stage with his head tilted back, as if he was looking down his nose at the crowd. Most people took this for arrogance, and John had plenty of that, but he did it because he was so short-sighted.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“John and Paul always had a special link between them, a chemistry that added to the heat: they knew intuitively how to share the stage and the limelight, how to spar with each other and how to play the audience so that the girls went wild. George, who played lead guitar, was quiet and serious. If anyone asked him why, he’d say that he couldn’t afford to make a mistake. Stu and Pete were quiet too, so the way was clear for John and Paul to take centre stage.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Those weeks in Hamburg were among the happiest times John and I had together. We were free and in love, life was full of promise and the sun shone.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“We all felt that change was in the air. Something was going to happen for the group and it was just a question of carrying on until it did. What we didn’t know then was that, over the next few months, a series of events would change all of our lives. Nineteen sixty-two was an astonishing year, when tragedy, failure, the unexpected and the miraculous combined in ways we could never have imagined.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“While all this was going on I had only half an eye on it because I was contemplating my own future. On the same day in July I discovered, first, that I had failed one of my final exams and, second, that I was pregnant.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“So, on a summer’s night in my little room, John and I decided to marry, have our baby and become a family together. We loved each other and it was what we both wanted, even if it had been forced on us far sooner than we’d have wished.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Many commentators on John’s life have said that John would never have married me if I hadn’t been pregnant. In the film Backbeat I was portrayed as a clingy, dim little girlfriend in a headscarf. Totally wrong, of course. Quite apart from anything else I never wore a headscarf.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John: A Biography

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“I’d always had to keep a low profile when I went to watch him play. Now that I was pregnant and beginning to show we agreed that I should stay safely at home. By this time the Beatles, though still unknown elsewhere, had a huge and possessive local following. Girls queued outside the Cavern for hours to see them.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“It was a difficult time. Cold, miserable weather, John away more than he was at home, Mimi resentful of my presence in the house. And I was about to become a mother – a notion that terrified me.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“In those days it wasn’t really done to publicly dedicate songs to those you loved, but I know, and John often told me, that many of his songs were for me. He and Paul wrote from their own experience, and I was so much a part of John’s life that I also became part of the fabric of his writing. It was simply understood that his love songs were our songs.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“To add to my woes, I was still a secret, and I hated it: I wanted to be acknowledged as John’s wife. Of course, some of the Liverpool fans knew, but to the rest of the country he was young, free and single. Every now and then when I was out with Julian in the pram a girl would come up and ask whether I was John’s wife. I had to play up to the role I’d been assigned, say no, and hurry off.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Life was almost surreal: there was John, rapidly becoming famous and wealthy, living in luxury hotels, as the country took him to its heart, and there was I, in a grim little five-pounds-a-week bedsit, with his son. Ever since, people have speculated on how I could have put up with it. Was I cowed or afraid of John? Not in the least: I put up with it because I didn’t want to do anything to harm John’s career, and I had been told repeatedly that going public would do just that. I was loyal to John, and if he needed me to support him by lying low, then that was what I would do: it wouldn’t last for ever and I was strong enough to do it for as long as I had to.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“In Hoylake most people knew that I was married to John and were protective and discreet. I was able to push Julian’s pram beside the sea or down to the shops, knowing that no one would bother us.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“A few days later the boys appeared in the Royal Variety Performance, the biggest show of the year. The Queen Mother, Princess Margaret and Lord Snowdon were in the royal box. That was the evening when John famously said, ‘The ones in the cheap seats clap their hands, the rest of you just rattle your jewellery”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Brian’s fears about a married Beatle were shown to be unfounded. Although some fans were jealous, most accepted and even welcomed me, because they adored Julian. Certainly their passion for John wasn’t in the least diminished by my existence.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Everything changed again a few weeks later when the fans discovered our address. We woke one morning to find teenage girls, with the de rigueur beehive hairstyle and black eye-liner, camped on the pavement outside. After that they were always there, day and night. If any of the residents in the flats accidentally left the front door open they would grab their chance and slip in. We’d find them camped on the lino in the hallway, with sleeping-bags and Thermos flasks.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“For John it was worse: they surrounded him whenever he came home, begging for autographs, locks of hair, a chance to touch him. He was always kind to fans. He could be intolerant of hangers-on, gold-diggers, money-men and sycophants, but he respected and cared for the fans. He believed that the group owed them a lot. After all, they were the ones who bought the records and paid to go to the concerts. So, however tired he was, he always stopped to sign autographs or say hello. Years later, when John was killed by a ‘fan’, who had waited for his autograph, the memory of his kindness to them stayed with me. I sometimes wondered whether, if he hadn’t been so patient and generous, he might still be alive.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“I was instructed to hold back until the boys were safely in the car, but the first time we tried it I was almost left behind. The police line holding back the fans broke and a sea of people cut me off from the boys and Brian. I had a terrifying couple of minutes until, with John screaming at them, the police realised who I was, lifted me bodily through the crowd, and almost threw me into the car. I got no sympathy from an irritated John: ‘Don’t be so bloody slow next time – they could have killed you.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Meanwhile George, who’d just turned twenty-one, had met a young model called Patti Boyd and fallen in love. Patti had been given a part in A Hard Day’s Night, playing a schoolgirl, because she had appeared in a successful crisps advertisement – she was known as the Smith’s Crisps Girl. She was blonde, beautiful and a sophisticated Londoner, like Jane Asher. But, like the rest of us Beatles girls, she was friendly, too, and easy to get on with.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Patti and I were becoming close friends. I admired her gorgeous figure and perfect fashion sense, and I think she enjoyed the company of someone who’d been with the Beatles from the beginning and knew the ropes.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Too often I’ve seen it reported that John wouldn’t allow me to have a nanny for Julian, insisting that I bring him up with no help, as a reaction to his own mother-deprived childhood. In fact, he left it to me and I chose not to have a nanny. Julian was a source of delight: I loved being with him and watching him learn new things every day.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“We would visit each other far more often than anyone or anywhere else. We almost always went on holiday with one or all of the other Beatles and we usually spent Christmas Eve together at one of our homes and swapped presents. Remarkably, perhaps, there was seldom any tension between us. Minor disagreements were quickly sorted out.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“BRIAN EPSTEIN HAD ALWAYS SAID that the Beatles would be bigger than Elvis, and at first everyone laughed. Elvis was securely on his throne as the king of rock and roll and no one had heard of the Beatles. But by 1965 his prediction had come true: the Beatles were the biggest pop act in the world, eclipsing Elvis and every other popular musician.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Some accounts of John’s life have said that he was a womaniser from the start, that even in our art college days he was seeing other girls behind my back. All I can say is that if it was true I never knew about it. I saw John flirting at parties, but that was all, and at college he was with me for so much of the time that he had little opportunity to see anyone else. In those days I never dreamt that he might be unfaithful. We were together, we loved each other and that was all I needed. It was only after we came to London and began our new life that the doubts crept in.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Sometimes, especially when he’d been shopping with Paul, George and Ringo, he’d come home with the car boot full of toys for Julian. These were usually meant for eight- or nine-year-olds, John having forgotten, in his enthusiasm, that his son was still only two. The more complicated articles would be put away, still in their packaging, for a later date. But Julian soon learnt to root them out. One day when he was just three he found a toy that required a great deal of skill to assemble. To our pride and astonishment, he had put it together in double-quick time – even though he couldn’t read the instructions. ‘That’s my boy,’ John cried. ‘I couldn’t have done that myself.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Then one day John came in very excited, made me cover my eyes and led me outside. Standing on the drive was a gold Porsche for me. A few weeks later I got up to find the Porsche gone and in its place a red Ferrari. Now that he, too, was able to drive, John had part-exchanged my car for one for himself. Generous as he was, this impulsive act was typically thoughtless: he hadn’t stopped to consider whether I might mind, just rushed ahead. Once he’d taken a decision everyone and everything had to fall into line with it. He had little time for negotiation, considering or planning, preferring to act on impulse and hang the consequences”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“I really miss him as a person now – do you know what I mean – he’s not so much ‘the baby’ or ‘my baby’ any more he’s a real living part of me now – you know he’s Julian and everything and I can’t wait to see him, I miss him more than I’ve ever done before – I think it’s been a slow process my feeling like a real father! I spend hours in dressing rooms and things thinking about the times I’ve wasted not being with him – and playing with him – you know I keep thinking of those stupid bastard times when I keep reading bloody newspapers and other shit whilst he’s in the room with me and I’ve decided it’s ALL WRONG! He doesn’t see enough of me as it is and I really want him to know and love me, and miss me like I seem to be missing both of you so much. I’ll go now cause I’m bringing myself down thinking what a thoughtless bastard I seem to be – and it’s only sort of three o’clock in the afternoon and it seems the wrong time of day to feel so emotional”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“His letters weren’t always so reflective, but that one wasn’t unusual. He found it easier, in many ways, to say what he really meant in a letter and, as he had since the Hamburg days, he used them to tell me how he really felt. A few years later, when John and I had divorced, I sold this letter, along with several others John wrote. I was touched and delighted when, some years afterwards, the owner put it up for sale again and Paul McCartney bought it. He had it framed and presented it to me and Julian as a gift.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“John loved being with his son, but in short bursts. His moods could be unpredictable and at times he was intolerant and impatient with Julian. On one occasion I remember him shouting at the dinner-table because Julian was eating messily. I was livid and stormed, ‘If you were here more often you’d realise that this is how little boys of three eat. Now leave him alone.’ I rushed upstairs in tears: the shock on Julian’s face when John had erupted at him had really upset me.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“The biggest change in our lives during this time, and the biggest single factor that led to our break-up, was John’s deepening interest in drugs.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“I think our mutual failure to address or resolve painful issues was a major factor in the eventual breakdown of our marriage. We both had the ability to sit on our feelings, but they inevitably resurfaced as resentment. I have no doubt that it would have made us stronger as a couple if we’d been able to deal with incidents like this more openly. But at the time I could only take what felt like the best path.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“The psychics’ warnings were almost worse. We received dire predictions of plane crashes and other horrendous happenings, but only one made a real impact on John. Unlike the others, it wasn’t hostile or angry: that John would be shot while he was in the States.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“One morning at breakfast he pointed out an article in the newspaper to me. It was about a Japanese artist, Yoko Ono, who had made a film that consisted of close-up shots of people’s bottoms. ‘Cyn, you’ve got to look at this. It must be a joke. Christ, what next? She can’t be serious!’ We laughed and shook our heads. ‘Mad,’ John said. ‘She must be off her rocker.’ I had to agree. We had no understanding at all of avant-garde art or conceptualism at that point and the newspaper went into the bin. We didn’t discuss Yoko Ono again until one night when we were lying in bed, reading, I asked John what his book was. It was called Grapefruit and looked very short. ‘Oh, something that weird artist woman sent me,’ he said.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“I didn’t know then that Yoko was beginning a determined pursuit of John. She wrote him many letters and cards over the next few months, but I knew nothing about them at the time, or that she had even come to our house looking for him several times.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Sgt. Pepper included one track that everyone was convinced John had written about an LSD trip – ‘Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds’. In fact, the title was Julian’s: he had come home from school with a painting of his friend Lucy. When John asked him what was in it, he’d said, ‘It’s Lucy in the sky with diamonds.’ John, of course, loved this way-out and completely innocent description, straight from his son’s unfettered imagination.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“In the first couple of years, as the Beatles soared, John had been on a high and his confidence had blossomed. But eventually the fame and idolising had become too much, and I believe he had turned to drugs to escape. He soon became addicted to them.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“But what neither he nor anyone else knew was that my tears were not simply about the missed train. I was crying because the incident seemed symbolic of what was happening to my marriage. John was on the train, speeding into the future, and I was left behind. As I stood there, watching the train disappear into the distance, I felt certain that the loneliness I was experiencing on that platform would become permanent one day.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“But I swallowed my feelings, as I had many times before. As ever, I didn’t want a row, and especially not with all the others about. It was another moment when I should have been more assertive with John. I let him get away with an awful lot.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“Meanwhile John and George were also being drawn towards the Maharishi. What had begun as a passing interest now became a life quest. It was as though, with Brian gone, the four needed someone new to give them direction, and the Maharishi was in the right place at the right time.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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“What I didn’t know was that each morning he rushed down to the post office to see if he had a letter from Yoko. She was writing to him almost daily. When I learnt this later I felt very hurt. There was I, trying to give John the space and understanding he asked for, with no idea that Yoko was drawing him away from me and further into her orbit.”
― Cynthia Lennon, John

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Reading Progress

January 21, 2024 – Shelved

January 21, 2024 – Shelved as: to-read

April 20, 2024 – Started Reading

April 20, 2024 –

5.0% "Julian’s foreword already broke my heart….."

April 20, 2024 –

10.0%

April 20, 2024 – Shelved as: memoirs

April 21, 2024 –

14.0%

April 22, 2024 –

19.0%

April 22, 2024 –

24.0%

April 23, 2024 –

28.0%

April 24, 2024 –

33.0%

April 24, 2024 –

38.0% "It's crazy to think about Cynthia having to hide her pregnancy (and the fact that she was married to John) because they were afraid of her being PHYSICALLY attacked by fans. Then I remember that "fans" still flip out when their celebrity crushes date, marry or procreate without their permission so yeah, the more things change....."

April 25, 2024 –

43.0% "It’s heartbreaking to see how excited John was to be a father knowing how he treated Julian after his and Cynthia’s divorce….."

April 25, 2024 –

48.0%

April 25, 2024 –

54.0%

April 26, 2024 –

59.0%

April 26, 2024 –

64.0%

April 27, 2024 –

68.0% "Cynthia gave John way more grace than he deserved….."