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Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values by Marshall B. Rosenberg, Sounds True
What if you could defuse tension and create accord in even the most volatile situations?just by changing the way you spoke? Over the past 35 years, Marshall Rosenberg has done just that, peacefully resolving conflicts in families, schools, businesses, and governments in 30 countries all over the wor ...
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Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values PDF by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Read Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values PDF from Sounds True,Marshall B. Rosenberg
Download Marshall B. Rosenberg’s PDF E-book Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values
Available here:
boomreads.com/download?i=1591791707
Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values PDF by Marshall B. Rosenberg
Read Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values PDF from Sounds True,Marshall B. Rosenberg
Download Marshall B. Rosenberg’s PDF E-book Nonviolent Communication: Create Your Life, Your Relationships, and Your World in Harmony with Your Values
About the author
Marshall B. Rosenberg
88 books920 followersMarshall Rosenberg was an American psychologist and the creator of Nonviolent Communication, a communication process that helps people to exchange the information necessary to resolve conflicts and differences peacefully. He was the founder and Director of Educational Services for the Center for Nonviolent Communication, an international non-profit organization.
In 1961, Rosenberg received his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Wisconsin–Madison and in 1966 was awarded Diplomate status in clinical psychology from the American Board of Examiners in Professional Psychology. He lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where the Center for Nonviolent Communication's office is located.
In 1961, Rosenberg received his Ph.D. in clinical psychology from the University of Wisconsin–Madison and in 1966 was awarded Diplomate status in clinical psychology from the American Board of Examiners in Professional Psychology. He lived in Albuquerque, New Mexico, where the Center for Nonviolent Communication's office is located.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 41 reviews
July 17, 2022
I have done a class on nonviolent communication, it is a useful tool. This book may not be the best place to start if you want to learn the technique. Focusing more on stories from the author on the process of him developing the concept and stories from this class. There are a couple of claims made in the book that feel hyperbolic an example that a client used NVC to stop a violent attack or that NVC can prevent SA, these claims seem dangerous in the same way claiming knowing martial arts will protect you. It also puts a lot of responsibility on the person who knows the technique to put emotional energy into solving/listing to overs who are angry or not emotionally okay. The book only mentions once the idea of not engaging people when you don't have the energy to do so, I wish it had talked more about this and how to evaluate when you are in the right and wrong mindset to use this effectively. I recommend you start with a video or class that focuses on the tool itself if you wish to use NVC raver then reading this book first.
July 16, 2023
I wish this book had a different title because it's not just for people who are so angry that they need to take anger management classes or something. It's a book everyone could benefit from reading. I'd recommend it to anyone who wants to learn to communicate more effectively and have stronger relationships.
February 10, 2024
I loved the concepts in this book. So many conflicts in the world could be solved if people just understood each other better and could communicate better. I’m a terrible communicator and can use all the help in this department. Now to try to put these concept into practice!
August 30, 2024
Best self help reading I've done a long while. I finished it only to start it again. It has great stuff to put into immediate practice. I'd give it more stars or I could.
June 20, 2022
I think everyone should be more mindful of how they speak to others, and this book is a great place to begin. There's a lot of thoughtful and useful concepts to unpack, like how we are trained not to recognize/express our needs which can lead to anger. If we were able to process our emotions and alchemize them into something constructive (I feel upset with my husband because I need confirmation of his love; I am angry with my friend when he's late to pick me up for school because I have a need for safety and stability) it would lead to a much more straightforward and pacifistic society.
I particularly liked the section where Rosenberg talked about how most adults feel a great deal of their time is spent doing things they HAVE to, and if we created a list of such things and asked ourselves why we do them, we could eliminate negative feelings pertaining to those tasks. Rosenberg's example of deciding to stop writing certain reports because they were only a financial obligation he didn't actually need to fulfill and weren't adding any value or happiness to his life stood out to me. We have lots of "obligations." If we can recognize that we cook because we have a need for a healthy mind and body or we don't mulch our yards in the summer because we have a need to spend that time on other things than landscaping, we'd be much better off.
The book did frustrate me at times. Rosenberg ran through some examples of statements that either expressed needs or failed to express needs, and it made me feel as though saying the right thing is an impossible feat, especially in day-to-day interactions. Some of the concepts still felt convoluted even after they were explained.
Non-violent communication, as one would expect, seems to be the most helpful in violent or aggressive situations. The stories about the women who stopped men from harming them purely by using Rosenberg's tactics had me riveted. I appreciated the incorporation of real-world applications.
In the end, I wanted more. Just about every story would be cut off before we got to see tense situations fully come to their non-violent conclusions. How did the married couple who'd had a feud for 30 years finally resolve it? How can gang members use non-violent communication when there are guys who will bump them off as soon as they start to speak? How did the woman who worked in the (rehab?) facility manage to get the man who was threatening her life help when the facility had no rooms available? How did all of these situations actually result in peaceful conclusions? Obviously, the answer is non-violent communication. We have to infer the rest.
I wish we could have gotten the full stories, beginning to end. But that's just me. I'm naturally prone to mediation (I wish everyone could just get along) so I'd love to learn how to deescalate situations. Examples of other people doing so feels very valuable to me. I do think this book is a good introduction to non-violent communication and achieving harmony in your life, and I know he's published several other books, so perhaps those books will offer me more clarity and elaboration that I'm seeking.
I particularly liked the section where Rosenberg talked about how most adults feel a great deal of their time is spent doing things they HAVE to, and if we created a list of such things and asked ourselves why we do them, we could eliminate negative feelings pertaining to those tasks. Rosenberg's example of deciding to stop writing certain reports because they were only a financial obligation he didn't actually need to fulfill and weren't adding any value or happiness to his life stood out to me. We have lots of "obligations." If we can recognize that we cook because we have a need for a healthy mind and body or we don't mulch our yards in the summer because we have a need to spend that time on other things than landscaping, we'd be much better off.
The book did frustrate me at times. Rosenberg ran through some examples of statements that either expressed needs or failed to express needs, and it made me feel as though saying the right thing is an impossible feat, especially in day-to-day interactions. Some of the concepts still felt convoluted even after they were explained.
Non-violent communication, as one would expect, seems to be the most helpful in violent or aggressive situations. The stories about the women who stopped men from harming them purely by using Rosenberg's tactics had me riveted. I appreciated the incorporation of real-world applications.
In the end, I wanted more. Just about every story would be cut off before we got to see tense situations fully come to their non-violent conclusions. How did the married couple who'd had a feud for 30 years finally resolve it? How can gang members use non-violent communication when there are guys who will bump them off as soon as they start to speak? How did the woman who worked in the (rehab?) facility manage to get the man who was threatening her life help when the facility had no rooms available? How did all of these situations actually result in peaceful conclusions? Obviously, the answer is non-violent communication. We have to infer the rest.
I wish we could have gotten the full stories, beginning to end. But that's just me. I'm naturally prone to mediation (I wish everyone could just get along) so I'd love to learn how to deescalate situations. Examples of other people doing so feels very valuable to me. I do think this book is a good introduction to non-violent communication and achieving harmony in your life, and I know he's published several other books, so perhaps those books will offer me more clarity and elaboration that I'm seeking.
April 9, 2024
One of the most delightful author-narrated books I’ve ever read (listened to). Rosenberg is professorial yet familial, exuding through his gentle tone the characteristics of the communication style he teaches. The way he approaches communication in conflict is accessible and tangible. What I think he sneaks in with billing this as a “communication” style is that it also demands changes in how we think, see ourselves, and see others & the world around us. It’s a Trojan horse I’m happy to let in. Worth a listen.
January 12, 2024
Already planning to reread. I found it very useful info. The title is provocative and makes a point in itself, but don't not read it because you don't think your communication is violent. Can't think of anyone who shouldn't read this book.
December 17, 2021
Experienced via audiobook. A bit idealist, BUT deeply interesting
August 12, 2024
I have done some nonviolent communication workshops etc before but wanted to hear it straight from Marshall & here are my notes.
The steps he outlines:
1) observe rather than evaluate/ interpret behavior, be specific (bummer cuz I'm good at evaluating lol)
2) Find the need & emotion behind the judgement
3) name the emotion (specific & owned by self & not secretly an evaluation ex) "I feel betrayed")
4) name the need (needs are universal ex safety/protection, empathy, honesty, play, rest, creativity, love, community, autonomy, meaning/purpose, connection, sustenance) not being met & state it clearly & directly & without jusdgement
5) make a request to get the need met, focus on what is needed rather than focusing on what you don't want. Avoid vague/ abstract language instead using direct actionable requests to avoid confusion.
Tragic we only have language for judgement & assigning blame when needs aren't met rather than a language to express needs & feelings within current English dialog.
Most of what we say to each other is secretly a request of someone often we aren't fully aware of our needs & these requests.
We can keep group convos on track by asking what people want from the things they put into group consciousness.
All these things apply to inner self talk as well. can switch all the I should & have to do by saying internally "I choose to ___ because I want ___" & then assess the value of these choices..
Sharing our needs & making a request can be a gift to others as we're driven to connect & help and opens up vulnerability required to deepen a relationship. Important not to frame as a demand because a demand strips autonomy from others (one of their needs as well).
In nonviolent communication the goal is not just to get others to do what we want/ need but also to have the reason they do these things be positive not out of fear or guilt which will corrode rather than build connection. We show we aren't actually requesting but demanding something when we can't take no for an answer. We can however ask why when we get a no & follow with empathy & try to find a compromise meeting both needs. When we use shoulds, I'm justified, I have the right, etc were no longer making requests but demands. That being said I think declaring our rights to powerful entities isn't inherently violent as is implied by not using "nonviolent" communication strategies. This sort of gets into the ethics of such tools I think I read many pacifist/ nonviolent tool resources and get a little defensive because different tools are needed in different contexts & I think nonviolent communication is a great tool for interpersonal conflict especially when working with kids but that negotiating larger power differences & politics probably requires other tactics as well. This has me thinking about how tools can used in many ways i got major ick hearing the example of an officer who was trained in these communication strategies that he used to more effectively arrest someone! Yikes! We must always be warry of co-optation & of the way tools can be used for creating complacency & relying systems of oppression.
Anger: comes from un met needs/ separation from our needs
1)Stop & slow down
2)Notice the story were telling ourselves
3) separate the other from our anger, see stimulus & how we react
4) get in touch with what we need & redirect energy towards meeting that need
A primary take away: when people hear blame they can't see our pain.
Thinking a lot about empathy lately. The way when I do deep empathetic work I end up taking on the toll of someone else's emotions in my body. Empathy is the glue that holds this whole strategy together the mechanics honestly really don't feel as important. How can I always be the one to set my needs aside to listen first and hope that this opens up others humanity & their capacity to see me too? I have seen this work & I have also seen this not work & I am so so very tired of doing all the heavy lifting and emotional labor in so many interactions.
The steps he outlines:
1) observe rather than evaluate/ interpret behavior, be specific (bummer cuz I'm good at evaluating lol)
2) Find the need & emotion behind the judgement
3) name the emotion (specific & owned by self & not secretly an evaluation ex) "I feel betrayed")
4) name the need (needs are universal ex safety/protection, empathy, honesty, play, rest, creativity, love, community, autonomy, meaning/purpose, connection, sustenance) not being met & state it clearly & directly & without jusdgement
5) make a request to get the need met, focus on what is needed rather than focusing on what you don't want. Avoid vague/ abstract language instead using direct actionable requests to avoid confusion.
Tragic we only have language for judgement & assigning blame when needs aren't met rather than a language to express needs & feelings within current English dialog.
Most of what we say to each other is secretly a request of someone often we aren't fully aware of our needs & these requests.
We can keep group convos on track by asking what people want from the things they put into group consciousness.
All these things apply to inner self talk as well. can switch all the I should & have to do by saying internally "I choose to ___ because I want ___" & then assess the value of these choices..
Sharing our needs & making a request can be a gift to others as we're driven to connect & help and opens up vulnerability required to deepen a relationship. Important not to frame as a demand because a demand strips autonomy from others (one of their needs as well).
In nonviolent communication the goal is not just to get others to do what we want/ need but also to have the reason they do these things be positive not out of fear or guilt which will corrode rather than build connection. We show we aren't actually requesting but demanding something when we can't take no for an answer. We can however ask why when we get a no & follow with empathy & try to find a compromise meeting both needs. When we use shoulds, I'm justified, I have the right, etc were no longer making requests but demands. That being said I think declaring our rights to powerful entities isn't inherently violent as is implied by not using "nonviolent" communication strategies. This sort of gets into the ethics of such tools I think I read many pacifist/ nonviolent tool resources and get a little defensive because different tools are needed in different contexts & I think nonviolent communication is a great tool for interpersonal conflict especially when working with kids but that negotiating larger power differences & politics probably requires other tactics as well. This has me thinking about how tools can used in many ways i got major ick hearing the example of an officer who was trained in these communication strategies that he used to more effectively arrest someone! Yikes! We must always be warry of co-optation & of the way tools can be used for creating complacency & relying systems of oppression.
Anger: comes from un met needs/ separation from our needs
1)Stop & slow down
2)Notice the story were telling ourselves
3) separate the other from our anger, see stimulus & how we react
4) get in touch with what we need & redirect energy towards meeting that need
A primary take away: when people hear blame they can't see our pain.
Thinking a lot about empathy lately. The way when I do deep empathetic work I end up taking on the toll of someone else's emotions in my body. Empathy is the glue that holds this whole strategy together the mechanics honestly really don't feel as important. How can I always be the one to set my needs aside to listen first and hope that this opens up others humanity & their capacity to see me too? I have seen this work & I have also seen this not work & I am so so very tired of doing all the heavy lifting and emotional labor in so many interactions.
March 26, 2023
This has been on my Audible bookshelf forever and I finally got around to listening to it. I gave it a high rating because a lot of what Rosenberg teaches about communication is based on true principles: taking responsibility for your feelings and experience, looking for the need that is unmet underlying the feeling, expressing your needs to get what you want rather than accusing or blaming the other person, etc. I could see so many similarities between his philosophy and the popular life coaching philosophy (e.g. Jody Moore) and wonder if the founders of that movement got their ideas from him. A lot of these ways of communicating lead to better relationships and more peace.
However, Rosenberg's whole underlying premise seems to be moral relativity which I cannot get on board with. He exhorts readers not to make judgements about other people's behavior or their own, but rather express that such behavior is not meeting their needs. There is no right or wrong. One of the reviews mentioned that he was a Humanist which would explain some of this. Also, on a more practical level, the way he recommends speaking sounds so awkward and seems like it would be offensive in some cases because it feels very condescending. I think the best takeaways are the principles rather than his clunky way of speaking. Maybe my needs for social conformity are not being met by his examples ;)
Some quotes:
An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves: the self that regrets a past action and the self that took that action in the first place. This frees us for learning and growing.
Shame is a form of self-hatred and actions taken in reaction to shame are not free and joyful acts.
Vitality drains out of conversations when we lose connection with the feelings and needs generating a speakers' words. This is common when people talk without consciousness of what they're really feeling, needing or requesting. Instead of being engaged in an exchange of life energy with other human beings, it's easy to experience ourself as simply wastebaskets for the other person's words.
The mature person becomes able to differentiate feelings into as many nuances, strong and passionate experiences or delicate and sensitive ones as in the different passages of music in the symphony. For many of us however [...] our ability to express feelings is limited, like notes in a bugle call. Our repertoire for calling people names is much larger usually than our vocabulary of words that allow us to clearly describe what's alive in us--our emotional state.
I share the sentiments of George Bernanos when he says, "I've thought for a long time now that if someday the increasing efficiency for the technique of destruction finally causes our species to disappear from the earth, it will not be cruelty that will be responsible for our extinction, and still less of course the indignation that cruelty awakens, and the reprisals and vengeance that it brings upon itself, but the docility, the lack of responsibility of the modern person, their subservient acceptance of every common decree. The horrors that we've seen, the still greater horrors we shall presently see, are not signs that rebels, insubordinate, untamable people are increasing in number throughout the world, but rather that there is a constant increase in the number of obedient, docile people."
However, Rosenberg's whole underlying premise seems to be moral relativity which I cannot get on board with. He exhorts readers not to make judgements about other people's behavior or their own, but rather express that such behavior is not meeting their needs. There is no right or wrong. One of the reviews mentioned that he was a Humanist which would explain some of this. Also, on a more practical level, the way he recommends speaking sounds so awkward and seems like it would be offensive in some cases because it feels very condescending. I think the best takeaways are the principles rather than his clunky way of speaking. Maybe my needs for social conformity are not being met by his examples ;)
Some quotes:
An important aspect of self-compassion is to be able to empathically hold both parts of ourselves: the self that regrets a past action and the self that took that action in the first place. This frees us for learning and growing.
Shame is a form of self-hatred and actions taken in reaction to shame are not free and joyful acts.
Vitality drains out of conversations when we lose connection with the feelings and needs generating a speakers' words. This is common when people talk without consciousness of what they're really feeling, needing or requesting. Instead of being engaged in an exchange of life energy with other human beings, it's easy to experience ourself as simply wastebaskets for the other person's words.
The mature person becomes able to differentiate feelings into as many nuances, strong and passionate experiences or delicate and sensitive ones as in the different passages of music in the symphony. For many of us however [...] our ability to express feelings is limited, like notes in a bugle call. Our repertoire for calling people names is much larger usually than our vocabulary of words that allow us to clearly describe what's alive in us--our emotional state.
I share the sentiments of George Bernanos when he says, "I've thought for a long time now that if someday the increasing efficiency for the technique of destruction finally causes our species to disappear from the earth, it will not be cruelty that will be responsible for our extinction, and still less of course the indignation that cruelty awakens, and the reprisals and vengeance that it brings upon itself, but the docility, the lack of responsibility of the modern person, their subservient acceptance of every common decree. The horrors that we've seen, the still greater horrors we shall presently see, are not signs that rebels, insubordinate, untamable people are increasing in number throughout the world, but rather that there is a constant increase in the number of obedient, docile people."
August 25, 2022
This is a good introductory read for NVC. It provides the reader some useful tips on how to incorporate NVC into daily communication. However...
Although this concept was founded with hopes of creating less conflict in a very violent and conflicting world, I think it's important for the reader to keep in mind that NVC can also be used in a negatively, impacting way.
Rosenberg uses examples that, in my opinion, seem a little classist and gives off the impression to me that NVC tools can be used by an oppressor to change their language to sound more compassionate and empathetic but skipping the actual work towards the action that has been requested by the other person. It can also make the oppressor feel absolved of their actions that are hurting the other party, making them unaware that they may be doing more damage than good, potentially and maybe unintentionally, gaslighting and emotionally manipulating, even if the said-oppressor is truly trying their best to better themselves. So, my question is, how do we overcome that obstacle?
It's been ingrained in society's minds to hold judgement and put blame on others to make ourselves feel better. I will admit that I am one of those people but I'm trying to better myself and compassionately listen and understand others that I hold dear relationships with. I aim to try to incorporate some of his suggestions into my daily life. However, I will also do my best to keep in mind the above words because I, in no way, want to be the person who changes the language but fails to do the actual work.
I believe NVC can be one of many tools to help reduce conflict and increase better communication in certain scenarios and relationships. I don't think it will end world conflict but it might help people understand and empathize with others a little more. I just hope for every person who reads this book will also look at this concept more critically because I truly believe we can discover more ways to better ourselves and our world.
Although this concept was founded with hopes of creating less conflict in a very violent and conflicting world, I think it's important for the reader to keep in mind that NVC can also be used in a negatively, impacting way.
Rosenberg uses examples that, in my opinion, seem a little classist and gives off the impression to me that NVC tools can be used by an oppressor to change their language to sound more compassionate and empathetic but skipping the actual work towards the action that has been requested by the other person. It can also make the oppressor feel absolved of their actions that are hurting the other party, making them unaware that they may be doing more damage than good, potentially and maybe unintentionally, gaslighting and emotionally manipulating, even if the said-oppressor is truly trying their best to better themselves. So, my question is, how do we overcome that obstacle?
It's been ingrained in society's minds to hold judgement and put blame on others to make ourselves feel better. I will admit that I am one of those people but I'm trying to better myself and compassionately listen and understand others that I hold dear relationships with. I aim to try to incorporate some of his suggestions into my daily life. However, I will also do my best to keep in mind the above words because I, in no way, want to be the person who changes the language but fails to do the actual work.
I believe NVC can be one of many tools to help reduce conflict and increase better communication in certain scenarios and relationships. I don't think it will end world conflict but it might help people understand and empathize with others a little more. I just hope for every person who reads this book will also look at this concept more critically because I truly believe we can discover more ways to better ourselves and our world.
April 16, 2022
The written version of this audiobook is slightly different in text, but still brings the same message – how to communicate clearly and nonviolently. Certainly, it has been one of the most self helping audiobooks.
It made me realize that many people cannot differentiate between feelings, thoughts, opinions, interpretations, etc. For example, it is difficult to distinguish between the words that express our feelings and those that describe how we think others are behaving towards us:
● Saying "I feel misunderstood" is actually "our own opinion about the other person level of understanding".
● Stating "I feel inadequate as a Ruby programmer" is in reality "our self opinion". Rephrasing it as "I feel disappointed with my Ruby programming skills" would turn it into "our feeling".
Besides, I enjoyed the part explaining what is the source of anger and how to handle it:
"Anger is a result of life alienated thinking that is disconnected from needs. It indicates that we have moved up to our head to analyse and judge somebody rather than focus on which of our needs is not being met".
In addition to that:
"Depression is indicative of a state of alienation from our own needs."
Now, I will continue reading the textual version of this bestseller to further reflect on the aspect of NVC.
It made me realize that many people cannot differentiate between feelings, thoughts, opinions, interpretations, etc. For example, it is difficult to distinguish between the words that express our feelings and those that describe how we think others are behaving towards us:
● Saying "I feel misunderstood" is actually "our own opinion about the other person level of understanding".
● Stating "I feel inadequate as a Ruby programmer" is in reality "our self opinion". Rephrasing it as "I feel disappointed with my Ruby programming skills" would turn it into "our feeling".
Besides, I enjoyed the part explaining what is the source of anger and how to handle it:
"Anger is a result of life alienated thinking that is disconnected from needs. It indicates that we have moved up to our head to analyse and judge somebody rather than focus on which of our needs is not being met".
In addition to that:
"Depression is indicative of a state of alienation from our own needs."
Now, I will continue reading the textual version of this bestseller to further reflect on the aspect of NVC.
April 19, 2023
I felt like there were some good, thought provoking insights. There are some pieces I'd like to go back to and think about further.
I appreciated what he had to say about shame and self-hatred, as well as the question of "what need is behind this?" In particular, when we do things ourselves that we want to change: what need are we trying to meet.
Did not resonate with me: the personal examples of students & Marshall's interactions felt a bit like an old fashioned pitch for the program rather than informational examples on how to use the concepts. That I have the book in hand suggests I do not need the program pitched to me - if it is good, I will explore further. I feel that it is a detractor.
The audio rendition of the woman faced with sexual assault was almost angering in its attempt to "voice act" her fear. There was also a lack of clarification (or perhaps I missed it) afterwards that this response is not going to apply to everyone and every situation.
There are many good highlights from the book in other reviews. It was a quick listen.
October 22, 2023
This book was not what I was expecting. It really is as simple as listening to understand the needs of the people in your life and blessing them with the needs in yours. (I love the statement about expressing your needs like Santa Claus, "Ho ho ho, you get the gift of knowing my needs.") I don't think this will change my life (I live with a 13 year old girl, and I can see it is a struggle for her to decipher her own feeling into words, let alone into needs that can be communicated - and me guessing the need behind the action is almost always wrong and frustrating to her.) Even with work relationships, sometimes there is so much talking and not enough actionable communication of needs. But I will try to change the way I communicate my needs. Try to be more precise in expressing feelings and avoiding feelings that are actually judgment, diagnosis, observation, or threats, but actual feelings. There were many helpful exercises in the book and I look forward to applying them in my person and professional practices.
October 15, 2021
I listened to this book on audible, narrated by the author. I can't recommend it enough as both informative and entertaining. Rosenberg's voice is incredibly soothing and comforting, if you happen to listen to it, as well. This book was very helpful to me in seeing patterns in my own behavior and communication style that were aggressive, as well as the cause of the patterns rooted in trauma, and even a few things I could teach myself to do immediately to make myself appear less unintentionally threatening. It's also allowed me to use my own self-soothing techniques on others, so now I put people at ease more often than I did before reading this book! I'm not saying it's magic contained in this book, but I won't say it's not magic, either. It is only one book, and one book will not heal anyone from all their blindspots and destructive tendencies, but for one book only, this one encouraged a lot of healing.
March 20, 2023
I think there are some valuable ideas in this book, but unfortunately there isn’t any data or research cited that supports those ideas. The book is made up almost entirely of anecdotes from the author about times he has practiced his ideas and how those situations turned out. The book could benefit from a more structured presentation of the framework of Nonviolent Communication, before jumping into specific principles and anecdotes.
I found some of the ideas to be very useful, e.g., observing without judging, being empathetic to other’s needs. I also found some perplexing, e.g., the author actually supporting violence in some situations, the author being staunchly anti-behavioral and against rewards.
Regardless of my opinions on what is useful vs. not-useful in this book, there isn’t data or research sited to support what is presented.
I found some of the ideas to be very useful, e.g., observing without judging, being empathetic to other’s needs. I also found some perplexing, e.g., the author actually supporting violence in some situations, the author being staunchly anti-behavioral and against rewards.
Regardless of my opinions on what is useful vs. not-useful in this book, there isn’t data or research sited to support what is presented.
October 12, 2022
I wasn’t aware of the opportunity I had to improve my communication. This book literally broke down ways of thinking I’d been given and gave me the freedom to rewrite my own relationship destiny. I realized after listening to this audiobook that I’d been hamstrung in my relationships by the very limited number of tools passed to me by my parents. My wife and I listened together and took longer discussing what we heard than the actual playtime of the book itself. It was painful to look back and see where I’ve gone wrong. That said, it gave me tools and hope, I can communicate in a way that respects the needs of others while letting me also speak my needs. A remarkable book, certainly in my top 5.
September 19, 2023
I listened to the audiobook version of this. My advice would be to speed up the narration to 1.2-1.5 times the normal speed. As for the content, I wish this had been a skill I had developed years ago. I'm sure it would've saved me many arguments and rifts in friendships and other relationships.
I immediately implemented these skills when helping my two kids settle a dispute and it worked very well. It takes a lot of effort to change and I can see that I'm going to have to be very intentional and thoughtful moving forward if I want to really adopt this style of communication as my own.
So useful!
I immediately implemented these skills when helping my two kids settle a dispute and it worked very well. It takes a lot of effort to change and I can see that I'm going to have to be very intentional and thoughtful moving forward if I want to really adopt this style of communication as my own.
So useful!
March 11, 2024
How we communicate with people is everything, especially in a world set on disagreements. I'm new to NVC and I'm not sure if this is the best book to begin with, but it worked for me. I listened to an audio version on hoopla at first. Marshall is endearing. And I liked hearing the concepts, stories, and applications in his own authentic voice. Reminds me of a Lorax / Yoda / Bobby Weir. Bought this book as a companion and it goes into a lot more detail than the audiobook. Helpful in a bunch of ways. Not sure that I'd join the NVC for life bc it is a little too dogmatic for me. But the principals are fantastic. Great listen & read. Even if the cover and the title are cringy.
September 15, 2024
As an introduction to the nonviolent communication concept, I think it's great.
It showed me that the core ideas of it could benefit me in improving my communication.
The core concept is that you must communicate in terms of needs "I feel X because Y happened and my need of Z is not being met" and not in terms of "You did X and made me feel Y" because as we start blaming people, communication falls apart.
Good one.
5/5
It showed me that the core ideas of it could benefit me in improving my communication.
The core concept is that you must communicate in terms of needs "I feel X because Y happened and my need of Z is not being met" and not in terms of "You did X and made me feel Y" because as we start blaming people, communication falls apart.
Good one.
5/5
June 14, 2022
I did listen to this at almost 2 times speed because his speaking style is very slow and methodical, so it made for a short listen.
The book was helpful and gave me insight in how to be more precise in my communication. Anyone having trouble communicating with others, in any setting, would benefit from this book.
The book was helpful and gave me insight in how to be more precise in my communication. Anyone having trouble communicating with others, in any setting, would benefit from this book.
April 4, 2023
This book put into the exact words I needed about something I’ve been thinking on recently, down to the two words I found have made the way I communicate to myself harsher than needed. It addresses The Problem, that appears in the stories THG and Les Mis, both which I’ve been invested in right before finding this.
December 3, 2021
10/10 Would highly recommend. I want to read his other books on nonviolent communication. I think this way of communicating could be highly effective and helps me think about conflict in a new way. I hope to be able to practice these skills and get better at nonviolent communication myself.
March 5, 2023
Great topic for anyone to improve how we communicate with each other. There are actionable tips and ideas that you can use in relationships right away. I didn't love the author's narration style. Still highly recommend.
May 30, 2024
Definitely a brief introduction, and sparks my interest- I specifically would love to know more about how this applies to children & youth in their development, and would like to hear more dialogue on nonviolent communication in relationship with societal power dynamics (gender, race, etc)
May 23, 2022
A refreshing approach to connecting with others and our own needs.
June 13, 2022
Everyone should read this. It should be taught in schools.
July 20, 2022
Great read on the foundations of nonviolent communication. Gets you into the topic but not enough to master.
July 25, 2022
Listen to the Audible version.
August 20, 2022
I love the principles in this book! I need to reread it or read the others!
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