This book had me at tears at every page. Every letter. Every Flashback. I have never finished a book so qui4.5 ⭐️ but holy hell this was gut-wrenching
This book had me at tears at every page. Every letter. Every Flashback. I have never finished a book so quickly because I just needed the pain in this book to reside. And while I say that it was a HEA and resolved well, it was painful as fuck.
In the book Lauren and Ryan have been together for 11 years since they were 19 and they were immensely in love. Overtime love disappeared and all that remained was resentment and anger towards one another. In a last ditch effort to save their marriage they decide to take a year long break. No contact. No rules.
Now im the type of person who believes in monogamy (especially for myself and its what i look for in books too). And in my head I have certain visions of what monogamy means and iron-clad “rules” that if broken, the relationship is doomed to fail. This book tackles it all.
❗️spoilers ahead❗️Don’t read the spoilers if you’re genuinely going to read this book because I feel it will ruin the experience :)
In the early stages of the separation we see both of them struggling to live alone. Lonely. After being with the person for so many years and coming home to an empty house breeds misery for both of them. Even tho they refuse to contact each other as per the rules, they eventually find a “loophole”. Ending each other’s unsend draft emails. Through this they communicate their real problems and feelings. Including how they are coping with the separation. As time goes on both start seeing other people. Not out of spite but rather, trying to live again. Trying to find the spark that they both had with each other.
Now reading the cheating part had irked me when it happened.I guess its not cheating, i understand that but still, I couldn’t handle it. I dont like reading that in my books, and im not going to say I enjoyed it in this one either. BUT. Im biased. And stubborn. I think deep down I dont want to think of a monogamous marriage as something that can be resolved with trying with other people (as Lauren’s grandma believes too) but in hindsight I may be wrong and this quote explains it better than I do.
“There are no rules in marriage. I know it would be easier if there were. I know we all sometimes hope for them; cut-and-dried answers would make the decisions easier. Black-and-white problems would be simpler to solve. But there simply isn’t a rule that works for every marriage, for every love, for every family, for every relationship.
Some people need more boundaries, some people need fewer. Some marriages need more space, some marriages need more intimacy. Some families need more honesty, some families need more kindness. There’s no single answer for any of it.”
Just because I dont ever want to have to think about something like this even being an option (becsue its so hard) (for me or anyone who wants monogamy) the simple fact is that we are all different. Different relationships. Different people. Different circumstances. Its not fair to put everything in a box and expect people to adhere to it. If that were the case; Lauren and Ryan would’ve probably tried separation (not open), couples therapy, nothing. instead of the open marriage separation ordeal and may have never ended up together because those paths may not have lead them back to each other. BUT . If the open trail separation worked for them (even tho it was hard) and got them back to each other then I guess thats all that really mattered.
it also speaks to David and his wife’s situation. Yes she cheated and he did the right thing by divorcing her. But he was miserable, and from what he said so was she. Im in no way defending cheating. Ever. BUT. Yes but. nothing is ever black and white and there is never a right answer to anything. I dont quiet understand/ agree with some of the logic used in this book to reconcile with ex spouses and save a marriage but what do I know?
Does it really matter in the end if they end up happier than how they were without them?
“But you were doing OK,” I say. “You were getting out of bed. You were making a life without him.” My grandmother gently shakes her head. “Just because you can live without someone doesn’t mean you want to,” she says.
It’s Ryan. It’s always been Ryan. Just because I can live without him doesn’t mean I want to. And I don’t. I don’t want to
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