Conversations Worth Having, second edition, by Jackie Stavros and Cheri Torres (2022) is an excellent read. I read the first edition in 2018 and reallyConversations Worth Having, second edition, by Jackie Stavros and Cheri Torres (2022) is an excellent read. I read the first edition in 2018 and really valued it. The second edition is significantly better. So if you are wanting to read this, be sure to get the second edition. Conversations across the back fence, in our families, in our communities and at work, as the authors say, “lie at the heart of how we interact.” This book explains and gives examples of how we can have an impact of the depth and value of conversations we participate in. Stavros and Torres show how an individual can: by approaching the conversation with a positive frame, listening deeply to the other throughout the conversation, and by asking questions that stem from your genuine curiosity – can invite and contribute to greater understanding. The authors make the case that conversations are often, as they say on page 49, “at the mercy of the subconscious drivers (those involved) such as judgement, assumptions, bias, and (maybe even) low blood sugar.” Conversations driven by these subconscious drivers are not likely to build strong healthy relationships. Applying the principles in Conversations Worth Having allows you to strengthen relationships (in your family, neighborhood and/or at work), build better teams, inspire engagement, and propel organization success. I recommend this book to individuals or groups that want to get to: known themselves better, know themselves with others better and know themselves better while being with others accomplishing something together. ...more
I’m Not Dying With You Tonight by Kimberly Jones and Gilly Segal (2019) deals with one night and riot. I liked this book! It takes place on a Friday niI’m Not Dying With You Tonight by Kimberly Jones and Gilly Segal (2019) deals with one night and riot. I liked this book! It takes place on a Friday night. Its audience is high school kids. It tells a story that, in many ways, could unfold or has unfolded (at least in some form) in many of our communities. The story is dramatic and ugly. It is also potentially thought provoking and about relationships across differences. It is told in two voices. Lena a black high school senior and in Campbell’s a white senior at the same high school in Atlanta. They are not friends - yet in this night when a high school football game turns into a dangerous fight between spectators and overflows into the neighbor - Campbell and Lena learn a lot about each other. They need each other to get through the dangers of the night. And they may also need each other to learn more about themselves and themselves with others....more
The Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World is a book by the Nobel Peace Prize Laureates the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu with DoThe Book of Joy: Lasting Happiness in a Changing World is a book by the Nobel Peace Prize Laureates the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu with Douglas Abrams published in 2016.
The Book of Joy is a conversation between the Dalai Lama and Archbishop Desmond Tutu about finding joy and happiness in the face of suffering and grief. The two old friends met in India for the a week and from their conversations comes this book.
They write: “No dark fate determines the future. We do. Each day and each moment, we are able to create and re-create our lives and the very quality of human life on our planet. This is the power we wield.” They make the point that lasting happiness resides only in the human mind and heart.
They stress: “Most people never pay much attention to the ultimate source of a happy life, which is inside, not outside. Even the source of physical health is inside, not outside.”
Desmond Tutu explains: Discovering more joy does not, I'm sorry to say, save us from the inevitability of hardship and heartbreak. In fact, we may cry more easily, but we will laugh more easily, too. Perhaps we are just more alive. Yet as we discover more joy, we can face suffering in a way that ennobles rather than embitters. We have hardship without becoming hard. We have heartbreak without being broken.
They believe that when we humans are joyful that our joy a result of our abilities to live in a way that fully brings to life these eight pillars of joy. The pillars are: perspective, humility, humor, acceptance, forgiveness, gratitude, compassion, and generosity.
I greatly appreciated their writings on gratitude, perspective, generosity and forgiveness. I found this book to be a great and stimulating resource. Their treatment of the topic of joy is rich, deep and accessible. I recommend it to those who are eager for a deep dive into how humans might be more joyful....more
Let the People Pick the President by Jesse Wegman is a very well written book. Not surprisingly this book is an argument for why there is no reason foLet the People Pick the President by Jesse Wegman is a very well written book. Not surprisingly this book is an argument for why there is no reason for us to continue to have the electoral college pick the president. In fact, there are many reasons why the electoral college should not pick the president. Instead of people should pick the president directly through their voting. In the country today Americans are very comfortable with having the candidate who receives the most votes to become the winner of the election for: senator, house of representatives, governor, mayor, and or school board president. It is time, Wegman argues convincingly, for the same thing to happen when we elect a president. For people who want to learn more about how the electoral college has worked and how our presidents have been elected over the last 200 years, I strongly recommend reading this book....more
We all need “harboring”. Jacqueline Woodson’s new book, Harbor Me, is about six very different middle school students and their teacher’s idea that thWe all need “harboring”. Jacqueline Woodson’s new book, Harbor Me, is about six very different middle school students and their teacher’s idea that they, the students, should have an hour a week to talk privately about what is important to them, in their lives and in their life’s journey. I recommend this book for anyone. It is a timely read. This story sheds light on the value of community and the reality that each of us, of any age, is a work in progress. Woodson is an expert at her craft. The teacher is hoping that the students will listen and dialogue in ways that may be more authentic than might normally happen in school. We, the reader, sense that the teacher sees this as a way for the kids to learn about themselves, about themselves with others and about each person’s own potential for growth. I do not mean to trivialize the barriers between people, of any age, these days. There are many. And, those obstacles are difficult to encounter and work through. I do see the value of people coming together, over time, across differences and having dialogue with sincere listening. Listening to each other with the desire to gain an appreciation for and an informed awareness of others is, from my observation, uncommon. The concept of growing our empathy, sensitivity and concern for others seems to be a series of ‘muscles’ we – all of us - could be much more intentional about growing. Furthermore, such growth would be helpful to us to – learn about ourselves, about ourselves with others. Reading Harbor Me might give us all a reminder of the positives that can come from linking with others. ...more
Kahane observes that, “Our most common way of thinking is telling: asserting that the truth about the way things are and must be, not allowing that thKahane observes that, “Our most common way of thinking is telling: asserting that the truth about the way things are and must be, not allowing that there might be other truths and possibilities. Moreover, our most common way of listening is not listening: listening only to our own talking, not to others.”
He sees this as a problem when people face complex issues. Moreover, from my point of view, complex issues are very much the standard right now. So I read Kahane’s book with interest.
I found the book to be helpful. The struggles reflect the world we live in - where people who look at things differently don’t talk and listen to each other. The author points out that a “pattern of not talking and not listening is a symptom of being stuck.”
The book tackles how to get better at talking and listening so those involved can create new outcomes for very troubling situations.
I recommend this book to those who willing to stretch themselves to gain skills, dispositions, and knowledge about appreciatively working with the ‘other' in service of the common good. ...more
Change the World: How Ordinary People Can Accomplish Extraordinary Results by Robert E. Quinn (2000)
I like this book. I recommend it to people that aChange the World: How Ordinary People Can Accomplish Extraordinary Results by Robert E. Quinn (2000)
I like this book. I recommend it to people that are thinking about how a family, group, organization or big system (like a government) moves forward, backward or becomes stagnant. He makes the point that what seem unchangeable might, in fact, be changeable. Also like the book because it sets out the kind of tasks and paths that reasonable normal people might benefit from following to move a family, group, organization or big system toward the common good.
This book is ambitious and, as a result, paints a clear broad picture of what it takes to contribute to and impact groups or large systems. Complexity is embraced by the author and, therefore, his change method is not the norm. He explains and makes sense of the challenge to focus on the common good (What Quinn also called the ‘journey of collective fulfillment’) for organizations and groups of people.
Quinn makes the point that he feels that ordinary people can become profoundly affected as change agents....more
Marilee Adams helps people examine how they show up to interact and learn with others. The title is straight forward and true, both form my experienceMarilee Adams helps people examine how they show up to interact and learn with others. The title is straight forward and true, both form my experience and from watching others that are excellent at asking good questions. Not question to ‘trip people up’ – but questions that help to further everyone’s understanding of the topic. On one level, this concept of ‘changing your questions will change your life’ sounds one dimensional and I am here to tell you that Marilee Adams’ message is complex and daunting. Daunting because just wanting to make this kind of change is just a beginning. It can be a challenging and very proctive journey. I recommend this book to folks who are intentional about self-growth. For anyone who wants to contribute to groups in positive ways and who wants grow and learn – this is a good read!...more
Relationships grow when people learn about and appreciate each other. I believe that many of us can benefit from being very intentional about reachingRelationships grow when people learn about and appreciate each other. I believe that many of us can benefit from being very intentional about reaching out and getting to know each other in our work places, communities and even families. Edgar H. Schein in his new book: Humble Inquiry: the Gentle Art of Asking Instead of Telling (2013) writes, “Why is it so important to learn to ask better questions that help to build positive relationships? Because in an increasingly complex, interdependent, and culturally diverse world, we cannot hope to understand and work with people from different occupational, professional, and national cultures if we do not know how to ask questions and build relationships that are based on mutual respect and the recognition that others know things that we may need to know in order to get a job done.” Schein states that not all questions are equivalent. He has come to believe that we need to learn a particular form of questioning that he first called “Humble Inquiry” in Edgar H. Schein’s earlier book, Helping (2009) and Humble Inquiry he defines as follows: “Humble Inquiry is the fine art of drawing someone out, of asking questions to which you do not already know the answer, of building a relationship based on curiosity and interest in the other person.”
Listening to understand and appreciate. That makes sense to me. I don’t think it is an easy thing to get good at and I also think it is worth getting good at! I believe that we and generations to come will benefit from co-creation of ideas, plans, solutions, and futures.
Schein’s book, Humble Inquiry may help people to gain awareness and dispositions related to gentle and thoughtful probing as we getting to know those around us. ...more
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