Yearbook Quotes

“Never quit, but sometimes do quit, ’cause you simply might not be that good at some shit.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“Because [my grandparents] grew up in the Depression, they would steal EVERYTHING. Every time we went to McDonald's, they would empty the napkin dispenser and put them in a giant box that my grandfather kept in his van. If we were out at dinner and you heard my Bubby say, "Oh, this is a nice plate," you knew the next time you ate at their place, you'd be eating off that plate, because she straight jacked that shit. Knives, forks, you name it, they swiped it.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“In ’97, we were fifteen and our counselors were seventeen, which, again, is like entrusting a kitten to a ferret.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“Maybe that’s why Jews are Jewish. It’s more vague and casts a wider net than other religions. “I’m a Hindu.” “I’m a Muslim.” “I’m Jew…ish.” Less commitment is involved when “ish” is in the mix.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“Bubby: All my friends are dying! The bastards! Don't they know I want to play mah-jongg?!”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“Hey, just 'cause you write something doesn't mean anyone has to see it or hear it. It still exists just as much as anything else does, which is pretty fleeting.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“Weed is my sunglasses. Weed is my shoes. I’m not quite cut out for this world, but weed makes it okay.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“That’s why I smoke weed. It’s additive to my journey. It makes getting from here to there manageable and comfortable. There’s this odd concept of functionality that people apply to some things but not others. Our feet need cushioning. Our skin needs protecting. Our muscles need exercise. Our asses need wiping. But our brains? Don’t touch those! They’re perfect, and if you’re having a hard time with yours and are smoking weed, it’s bad! Unfortunately, as well designed as people are, we just aren’t completely cut out for this world we live in. We need shoes, sunblock, exercise, toilet paper—and weed. People criticize weed for changing your view of reality. But sunglasses literally change your view of reality, and nobody gives them a hard time for it.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“My dad is from Newark, New Jersey. He somehow manages to be simultaneously bald and always in dire need of a haircut.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“We need shoes, sunblock, exercise, toilet paper—and weed.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“Whatever Disneyland is for kids who like cartoons is what Burning Man is to adults who like hallucinogens.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“They also have an amazing seafood tower. I love a seafood tower and think more food should be served in tower formation. Sometimes pizzas get a little platform, but they’re really not living up to their potential.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“There’s stuff that makes our lives better that hasn’t been stigmatized, and nobody gives those things a second thought. Nobody thinks about why they have a strong desire to wear shoes. Nobody says that people who wear shoes are denying reality. Instead, the consensus on shoes is that we use them to adapt to reality. If we don’t wear them, our feet will hurt. They make our journey more comfortable, and we don’t judge ourselves for wearing them. They don’t make walking any less “real.” Nobody’s ever like, “You’re not really experiencing walking. You’re under the fog of footwear.” They’re like, “Yeah. Our feet aren’t made for walking in the environments we’ve settled in as a species. Wear shoes.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“We did Kyokushinkaikan karate. Our motto was “Never give up. Always do your best.” A solid starting place in general.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“There’s nothing more fun than reading a terrible review of your movie in USA Today on your phone as you walk into an interview with a journalist from USA Today.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook: A hilarious collection of true stories from the writer of Superbad

“How tall is he?” my female friends would ask, often before any other questions.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“Once I ate a weed lollipop at the Golden Globes and got so high, I had to leave early.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“The only problem with being a mohel is that you get used to the ceremony. Last night, I found myself going through a half-hour service before I could cut a carrot for my salad.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“I used to work in Winnipeg, but I had to move to Vancouver. You see, there’s not a lot of work for a mohel who shivers uncontrollably. (This is a VERY Canadian joke.)”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“Nudists are weird. My friend went to a nudist colony and came back with a newfound appreciation for clothes.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“don’t have any real deep insight into Kanye and his current state of being or mindset other than to say I really love his music and my interactions with him have been lovely. But I’m sure a lot of people have said the same about a lot of people who have made incredibly shitty comments. I recently read about a phenomenon where everyone assumes their actions are based on love and the actions of those they disagree with are based on hate. I don’t think Kanye is hateful. I think he is grasping and struggling to make his way through life, and as painless as his experience seems like it should be, there’s no pain more painful than your own pain, and that goes for everyone, even Kanye. That said, I really wish he would shut the fuck up about all this political bullshit. That doesn’t help anything.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“We had pooled around fifty bucks. We all had different ways of scrounging cash. In Canada, it was slightly easier because of the one- and two-dollar coins, or 'loonies' and 'two-nies,' which are not doing Canada any favors when it comes to being taken seriously.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“I’ve thought about starting a business where I sell prosthetic foreskins to Jews so they can feel what it would have been like to have non-Jew junk. It would be called Gentile Genitals and it would make a fortune.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“This was my first time buying weed in a legal setting and when you’re me that something you never forget it’s a fucking dream come true. The normalization of something you’ve been told your whole life is highly illicit was oddly validating.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“Either way, it’s legal in Canada now and, at the time of this writing, inching slowly toward legalization in America, but there’s still a long way to go, probably because it’s just too effective a way to persecute minorities and keep prisons full, which are things that they love to do in America.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“People criticize weed for changing your view of reality. But sunglasses literally change your view of reality, and nobody gives them a hard time for it. Weed is my sunglasses. Weed is my shoes. I’m not quite cut out for this world, but weed makes it okay.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“After losing the election, Trump did something nobody, except those with eyes and a brain, saw coming. He refused to admit he lost. And the spineless fuckheads in the GOP decided to support this lie, even though they knew it was complete bullshit. Lucky for them, their supporters don’t care about reality, so it was ultimately an easy lie to sell.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“These victim-blaming talking points were being repeated just hours after the shooting, not only by the media but by the president himself. The idea that it’s up to the threatened classes to protect themselves from bigots rather than up to the bigots not to spread hatred and act on their terrible instincts is as stupid as, well, Trump. “Everyone knows people hate Jews! Lock the doors next time!” So comforting.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“People were asking, “How could this happen?” And unfortunately, the answer is obvious. First, it’s real easy to get your hands on a high-powered assault rifle in America. Combine that with a president who de-stigmatized outward hatred and social-media platforms that allow people to stoke flames of hatred to the point of combustion.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook

“President Obama: We cannot have a society in which some dictator someplace can start imposing censorship here in the United States. Because if somebody is able to intimidate folks out of releasing a satirical movie, imagine what they start doing when they see a documentary that they don’t like or news reports that they don’t like. Or even worse, imagine if producers and distributors and others start engaging in self-censorship because they don’t want to offend the sensibilities of somebody whose sensibilities probably need to be offended. So that’s not who we are. That’s not what America is about. Again, I’m sympathetic that Sony, as a private company, was worried about liabilities and this and that and the other. I wish they had spoken to me first. I would have told them, “Do not get into a pattern in which you’re intimidated by these kinds of criminal attacks.”…I think it says something interesting about North Korea that they decided to have the state mount an all-out assault on a movie studio because of a satirical movie….I love Seth and I love James, but the notion that that was a threat to them, I think gives you some sense of the kind of regime we’re talking about here.”
― Seth Rogen, Yearbook