First off: if you're a writer of “erotica” and you don't know how to correctly spell the word “come”, thaTonya Kinzer, The Contract (Smashwords, 2011)
First off: if you're a writer of “erotica” and you don't know how to correctly spell the word “come”, that tells me a great deal about your education in the world of erotic writing.
Not that this is terribly surprising from someone whose book is crammed full of stilted, formal dialogue and odd bits of explication that make this read more like someone was trying to write a textbook (but make it hip and accessible) rather than a piece of fiction.
As well, there are odd little snatches that just don't make sense. Given that the male in this scenario is the dom and the female is the sub, once you get past a certain point in their relationship, the phrase “To his surprise...” really shouldn't appear anywhere in the narrative, especially if you're (“you” here being “the author”) making a point of letting us know that the sub in question is extremely easy to read.
Given a few sessions with an extremely aggressive editor, the author might have here the first few chapters of a workable novel. What we have here, on the other hand, is very much still in rough draft form. * ½
Merged review:
Tonya Kinzer, The Contract (Smashwords, 2011)
First off: if you're a writer of “erotica” and you don't know how to correctly spell the word “come”, that tells me a great deal about your education in the world of erotic writing.
Not that this is terribly surprising from someone whose book is crammed full of stilted, formal dialogue and odd bits of explication that make this read more like someone was trying to write a textbook (but make it hip and accessible) rather than a piece of fiction.
As well, there are odd little snatches that just don't make sense. Given that the male in this scenario is the dom and the female is the sub, once you get past a certain point in their relationship, the phrase “To his surprise...” really shouldn't appear anywhere in the narrative, especially if you're (“you” here being “the author”) making a point of letting us know that the sub in question is extremely easy to read.
Given a few sessions with an extremely aggressive editor, the author might have here the first few chapters of a workable novel. What we have here, on the other hand, is very much still in rough draft form. * ½...more
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